


To the Ends of the Earth

by xychedelics



Category: Amar a Muerte (TV)
Genre: A teeny tiny dash of angst, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Childhood Sweethearts, Diabetes-inducing sweetness, F/F, First Love, Fluff and Smut, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Throwing in some sexy Luceva in the mix
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 08:43:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 67,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17577593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xychedelics/pseuds/xychedelics
Summary: Childhood Sweethearts AU || Valentina Carvajal comes from a prominent family that owns a flower plantation in Villa Guerrero, Mexico. She befriends Juliana Valdés, the daughter of one of their flower farmers. Spending momentous summers together in the idyllic flower fields in the countryside, Valentina and Juliana grew up together and have been best friends ever since they were little. But separated by the tides of fate over time, the two had never admitted to being in love with each other. The distance further drifts the two apart. Now adults, Valentina is forced to come back to Mexico after the death of her father while Juliana is still haunted with "what-ifs" from her past. To try to ease the grief from her father's passing and mend a friendship that was lost, Valentina and Juliana fulfill a promise they made to each other when they were younger.This charming multi-chapter fic takes us to Juliantina's adorable and hilarious mutual pining adventures as kids, teens and adults-- proving time and again that they were always meant to be together.





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentina comes back home to Mexico due to her father's death. A lot of memories in her past floods her with emotions. In one sleepless night, she has a heart-to-heart talk with her brother Guillermo and eventually tells him of a secret she has had when they were kids-- and in which we find out that Valentina and Juliana are dumbass wlw like us lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This first part is a bit angsty but I promise it's only going to get better from here :)

**24 July 2019  
** **_Villa Guerrero, Jalisco, Mexico_ **

 

Why was the measure of love loss?

An overcast sky hovered over Villa Guerrero with rows and rows of grim-looking clouds stretched out far into the valley. The rain unceasingly cascaded torrentially upon the roofs and into dirt-muddled roads of the small town. The weather resounded the morose atmosphere of a town in mourning, of a profound loss in their charming little community. Even in such horrendous conditions, a throng of people extending their sympathies to the Carvajal family were in attendance to pay their final respects to the patriarch. León Carvajal came from a clan that owned the biggest flower plantation in Villa Guerrero. He was a well-loved figure. His kindness, generosity and down-to-earth disposition in spite of an illustrious background won the community’s heart over. But no one loved him quite as much as his youngest daughter, Valentina. The youngest Carvajal was most distraught and heartbroken from León’s passing. She was her father’s beloved princess, and it devastated her that she was not by her father’s side on his last days on earth. Numerous times he had asked for her to come back to Mexico, but she did not. It was a hard pill to swallow when the life she built in Canada was what she kept on choosing in the seven years that she was away from Mexico; it was the life she chose over a final moment with her father, a moment that she never got and would never get again.

The Carvajal siblings, all stylishly clad in black, stood at the side of their father’s gravesite. As the priest sprinkled holy water and gave the final blessing, Valentina could not help but bawl and collapse into her older sister Eva’s arms. The eldest Carvajal began bawling too as soon as she heard her sister’s sobs.

“ _Papá_ ’s gone,” Valentina wistfully muttered in between sobs, “he’s gone, _hermana!”_ The sisters held hands in support and in empathy. It was one of the rare moments when the two Carvajal women physically manifested any sort of affection. Eva and Valentina were distant towards each other when they were kids; Eva, with her headstrong, frank and serious demeanor, and Valentina with her soft, sweet and fun-loving personality-- the two seemed to be at opposing ends of the spectrum. Even though Valentina was her father’s favorite, she fully understood that her loss was just as much as her siblings'. Her older brother, Guillermo could only rest his hand on Valentina’s shoulder to comfort her as his other hand held an umbrella sheltering him and an expecting Renata, his wife. She was due in a few months time. Although it would be a joyous event that everyone wanted to look forward to, to welcome a new Carvajal, the passing of their father was an immeasurable loss for their family and all that they could bring themselves to think about.

All this time of wanting to run away and see another world, her father’s death was what ultimately brought Valentina back to this town.

 _We end where we begin,_ she thought to herself.

To Valentina, Villa Guerrero now held both strong and deep emotions of love and loss; this was where she felt love strongly for this was the place that she had the most cherished memories in her childhood--of her sun-drenched afternoons under a marvelous endless sky, of an unmatched freedom in running through the fields of vibrant flowers in the plantation they owned, of moments of stillness and silence in lazy afternoons as she fell asleep on the hammock in their backyard only to wake up to the beauty of a falling sun, of unforgettable memories of having both her _papá_ and _mamá_ still alive and in love.

_In love._

This was where she first fell in love.

But she also felt a great deal of loss, for this small town would be her father’s resting place-- a constant reminder where a lot of her years should have been lived close to him but she chose not to. This was where she should have been in his final moment, but she was not. A feeling of inescapable regret swelled within her. Regret, a word that Valentina half-heartedly came to describe what she felt because it was out of character for her to fail to heed her father’s wishes. She resented herself because she thought her absence might have added to the agony and complications that her father felt as he succumbed to his disease. Had her life in Canada change her for the worse in contrary to what she had thought all this time? Had she changed altogether now?

The crowd that had gathered to bid a final farewell to León slowly dissipated. Her sister Eva, now the head of the family, acknowledged and thanked the townsfolk and the workers in the plantation for condoling with them. A gathering in the Carvajal estate awaited them. Food and drinks would be served to the mourners. Valentina dreaded having to be cordial towards their guests. Being cordial came naturally to her but she could not bring herself to be this time because she wanted to be left alone and process all her emotions.

Of love, loss, and regret.

As she looked across her father’s gravesite, regret spoke louder in her heart and asserted itself as she caught a glimpse of the person to whom her love and loss had also been deeply embedded: her childhood best friend, Juliana.

Juliana was in tears too. Juliana never met her own father, and León was the closest father figure she had. León had a fondness for Juliana because they had a lot of things in common. Like her, he lost his father before he could even meet him. Whenever Juliana was in the Carvajal homestead, León adored joking around with her because she was a child who had a snarky sense of humor. León, in spite of his family’s wealth, adored the simplest things in life. He saw the same in little Juliana. And most importantly, they both cared much about Valentina. To him, Juliana was one of their own; she was already a part of the family.

Juliana was fearless, independent and in spite of her having a tough exterior, she was a sweetheart. It was obvious to him why she and Valentina got along so well. Juliana was different from the affluent friends Valentina had in Mexico City. Valentina lived and studied in Mexico City in her younger years, but she was always excited to spend summers in their flower plantation at Villa Guerrero after meeting Juliana. Her smile was distinct whenever she was with her best friend. The way they regarded each other was unlike any other. Even her father recognized it. The youngest Carvajal had a distinct glow and cheer to her whenever she came to Villa Guerrero on summers-- and no, it was not because of the laid-back lifestyle of the countryside, but it was because Juliana had an effect on Valentina that brought her down to earth, that made her appreciate the beauty in the simplest of things, that made her brave and do things she thought she could not, and that made her always look forward to brighter things ahead when things seemed grim. It was not like Valentina had any trouble herself being a constant bubble of energy that she was, but Juliana certainly helped amplify the best in her. After all, they were each other’s best.

When Valentina's and Juliana's eyes finally met, they lingered for a beat longer than they should. No one dared to look away. Too surprised, perhaps even enchanted by the presence of the other. Juliana did not turn to look at her mom telling her that they were riding with Panchito on the way to the Carvajal estate for the reception. Juliana stood still, unable to say a word. Valentina too could not get herself to move as Silvina was asking her to go inside the car now so she would not get drenched in the rain. Time seemed to fall away for them. The world seemed like it would stand still for them. Hearing her brother Guillermo call for her from the car, Valentina turned away unable to see that Juliana was pushing through the throng of people in the rain to get to her.

 

* * *

 

The downpour carried on well into the night. The pattering of rain slowly became parallel to the loud thoughts inside Valentina’s head. She tossed and turned in bed, not quite settling into one position that sleep would finally dawn on her. Valentina’s room was left unchanged ever since she came back to Mexico. The Carvajal homestead in Villa Guerrero felt like a vortex to the past-- fragments of a life, of years she had forgotten to bring to mind now that she was an adult. But had she really forgotten everything or had she just tucked these memories somewhere in the corner of her mind? She knew that if she conjured up these memories, she would have trouble stopping herself. Letting a deluge of what-could-have-beens haunt her would leave her sleepless for many nights. Or perhaps she had already began reviving some of these memories? It was difficult not to when she had a wall full of Polaroid photos-- photos of her and Juliana mostly-- staring back at her from a corner of her room.

_Juliana._

She could not stop thinking about her ever since she saw her childhood best friend at her father’s burial. It was as if the universe was making her pay for being gone so long by having her be awake even until the wee hours of the morning thinking, pondering, imagining, regretting.

Valentina got out of bed and peered through her window. The fog had crept in in the dark, and the fields of flowers were barely visible. She looked towards the direction of faint lights where some of the workers of the flower farm live, where Juliana and her mother used to live. Did she still live there or had she moved elsewhere? Oddly, a Polaroid photo fell to the floor as she walked back to her bed. The photo was of a teenage Juliana with a flower tucked on her right ear. She was wearing Valentina’s favorite jacket which she had willingly draped over the slightly shorter lady’s shoulders. Valentina laid in bed staring longingly at the photograph. She could remember that moment so vividly as if it was only yesterday. It was the last time she saw Juliana.

 _Pero me encantas,_ she had told Valentina.

She bit her lip as she felt her heart beat faster. Those words had always given her butterflies in her stomach. It had been years since Juliana said that to her but she felt stupid for still having the same school girl reaction to it. She photographed Juliana at that moment because it was one of the best days she ever had. However, the smile on her face quickly turned to gloom as she also acknowledged how deeply saddened she was for the years she lost with Juliana after she left Mexico. There was no grand explanation why they drifted apart.

Time? Space? Distance?

They were not great excuses for their friendship to suddenly dissipate into thin air, she thought. All the words she wanted to say to Juliana at that moment, the best she could respond to her, were running in her mind. She never got to say them. Maybe it was too late, she thought to herself. A startling roar of thunder made her leap out of her delusion. It was apparent that this would be night number nine without her getting any sleep.

 

* * *

 

_Pero me encantas._

Juliana’s words echoed inside her head and along with it, the words she wished she could have said. She repeated that moment inside her head over and over again like a broken record. To pass the night away, Valentina headed to kitchen and fixed herself a snack. Silvina saved some of the food from the reception for her because she was not around-- she did not want to be. She was not in the mood to talk to anyone. No one forced her. They knew that she needed some space to breathe. She thought about her father, and every now and then, thoughts of Juliana consumed her. She took a generous sip of her cup of _champurrado_ which had gone stale as she sat on top of the kitchen counter.

 _“¿Estás bien?”_ Guillermo suddenly asked Valentina, silently walking into the kitchen. Valentina was taken by surprise by her brother’s presence. She did not anticipate him and was too lost in her thoughts.

“Yes, I’m all right,” A forced smile peered from the corner of her face. “You startled me!”

“ _Lo siento.”_ He patted his sister’s back and proceeded to grab a glass of water for himself. “Can’t sleep?” Guillermo asked after downing the glass of water quickly.

“My mind and body still doesn’t know it’s in this side of the world.” Valentina lied, and Guillermo knew. He spread his arms beckoning his sister for a tight embrace.

 _“_ It’s not the same, no?” Guillermo carefully picked his words as he wanted to echo his sister’s heart, “It’s not the same without _papá_ , is it?”

Valentina visibly held her tears back. The simplest mention of _pa_ _pá_ or León was enough to turn on the waterworks for her.

“A lot of things changed, Guille,” her voice cracked. “And I don’t know if I like it or not.”

Guillermo hoisted himself up on the kitchen counter to sit beside his sister. He took a sip from Valentina’s cold _champurrado_ , and turned to her with a sigh. He would have joked about how terrible it tasted but he did not. The sibling banter would have to be reserved for some other time.

“ _P_ _apá_ always told us that if we are afraid of change, we are running away from of our better selves. And this,” Guille took Valentina’s hand, squeezed it lightly and shook it, “this is where we begin to live out what he taught us.”

Valentina knew her brother was right. And yes, she was afraid. She was afraid because her family needed her now more than ever. With Eva stepping up to her father’s role in the company and Guillermo taking on more responsibilities (not just in the company but also in his personal life as he anticipated to become a father), Valentina was now tasked to take over Guillermo’s vacated position. She knew both of her siblings would be there to guide her but she still could not shake off the doubts within her knowing that the meticulous and perfectionist Eva would be watching her every move like a hawk.

“You’ll be ok, and we’re glad you’re back home, _chiquita.”_

Valentina believed him. She felt the warmth and sincerity in her brother's words. “Me too.”

Guillermo always knew how to calm her down, knew what she was thinking, how she felt. Guillermo and Valentina were very close. They told and kept each other’s secrets. Whenever one of them did something crazy, they covered for each other’s mischievous adventures, even defended each other when they got scolded ever since they were little. They had that brother-sister telepathy, that strong and profound connection that no heaven and hell could ever tear them apart and make them turn against each other. Eva was a bit envious of what they had, but never did say it out loud. Valentina had Guillermo’s back as he did with her. The siblings basked in the silence for a moment. Guillermo felt like there was something else that his sister was not telling him. The air in the room still felt quite heavy.

“Is there something else running on your mind, Vale?” He noticed his sister staring blankly on the floor.

Before Valentina spoke, she took a deep breath. “Remember when we were kids-- you, me and Juliana,” as soon as she said Juliana's name Valentina’s face lit up. “Whenever we spend summers here in Villa Guerrero…” she paused for a while and pondered whether she should continue speaking.

“Go on,” he placed his hand on her knee, encouraging her.

“This is embarrassing, Guille… and probably stupid because I’ve never said this to anyone.” Valentina giggled. She braced herself knowing that Guillermo would bug her incessantly with this secret even if she were not to say it now.

“Embarrassing? Try me.” Guillermo dared. Again, he was right, there was nothing that Valentina would do that would sound embarrassing to him. He had heard his sister’s clumsy stories and had even seen his sister do the dumbest things, and yet he still adored her.

“When we were kids,” she turned to him with a serious look on her face, “I’ve always been in love with Juliana.”

The younger Carvajal bit her lip, buried her face in her palms trying to hold in the glee that came with her confession. It was the first genuine smile that graced her angelic face after their father died. Her glee was palpable.

Guillermo laughed. _I knew it,_ he wanted to say, but he let his sister have the moment. He grinned and shook his head, “Hayyy, _hermana…”_ sighing as he ran his fingers on his stubbles. _If only she knew what I knew_ , he thought to himself.

“Oi! See this is why I didn’t tell you when we were kids!” Valentina gave a gentle punch on her brother’s shoulder. “You think it’s stupid, don’t you?”

“No, not at all.” What Guillermo thought was stupid was them never getting together when it was apparent to everyone that they were special to each other.

Valentina continued to speak with a dreamy expression on her face, “Even when we drifted apart, I’d wonder and dream about her. There’s always something I see that reminds me of her. When I see something fascinating or think of something incredible, she’s the first person in my mind I want to tell to. I think about what she’s doing, what she looks like now-- and _dios mio,”_ Valentina rested her chin on her hand entranced by her own thoughts, “Juliana looks even more beautiful now.”

The smile on Valentina’s face slowly dissipated from a sudden realization. “I saw her in the funeral today. I know for sure she saw me too.” All the elation from the tone of her voice drained out.

“Then why are you sad?” Guillermo pried.

“I don’t think she ever thinks about me though, after what I’ve done-- of letting our friendship die like that. I probably cross her mind but not in a good way.” Valentina began rapidly saying all her thoughts and her brother tried to catch up with how fast she was speaking, “I’m afraid that she wouldn’t like me now, Guille! And that I’m way too different from the Valentina she knew before. Am I even a likable now? And even then, there’s just too much…”

Guillermo hushed Valentina with a look. They both laughed. Valentina always had this tendency to speak fast when she was frustrated about something and no one could understand her. Guillermo pointed this out ever since they were kids by raising his eyebrows.

Valentina downed her cup of stale _champurrado_ , and made a disgusted face-- she did not make a good cup. She shook her head knowing she was not in the right mindset for days now. She began to speak once more, now slowly.

“Villa Guerrero just reminds me of so many things I’ve lost that’s why I’m afraid of being here. I lost _p_ _apá._ I lost my chance with Juliana.”

“We’re here. You haven’t lost us, Val,” Guillermo assured her, “And I’m certain you haven’t lost Juliana either.” That tiny flicker of hope made Valentina toss her head back in an attempt to hide a smile. “Maybe there’s a reason why you’re back here in Villa Guerrero other than _pa_ _pá_ passing away. It’s not too late. You’re thinking way too much, _chiquita_. Go try to get some rest.”

Guillermo massaged Valentina’s shoulders as she stowed away the cups and plates she used. She then gave her brother another tight hug. _“Gracias,_ Guille... for always listening to me.” He gently placed a kiss on his sister's forehead.

"Sweet dreams!" Guille said as Valentina started walking out of the kitchen.

 _“Dulces sueños_ ,” she responded in a tired whispery voice. He nodded his head in cognition watching her walk away.

“And Vale!”

The younger Carvajal turned around before disappearing in the hallway.

“I know who you’re going to dream of tonight,” Guillermo gave her a wink.


	2. Marigold & Dandelion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next chapters are going to be a series of flashbacks of them as kids and teens. This first one is Juliantina's first meeting when they were 7-years old. It's their friendship origin story. That's all I'm going to say for the summary or else I'll be spoiling the cute parts ;)

**17 June 2001**

In the summer of Juliana’s seventh year, she would meet a girl who would forever change her life.

It was a hot, scorching day in Villa Guerrero but the young girl was determined to ride her bike around the flower farm-- actually, it was not her bike. It was her friend Sergio who owned the bike. He would lend it to her for the day because he was helping his mother with the vegetable garden at their backyard and he would not be using it. Juliana always wanted a bike but her mother could not afford one. Working in the flower plantation and selling lottery tickets in the plaza on her days off was how her mother made a living. Juliana never met her father. She was a child out of wedlock. Whenever she asked who her father was, her mother would just say that his name was Macario and he was an electrician in Matamoros, her mother’s hometown. She did not say much probably because she never knew him well. Despite being a single mother, Lupita persevered to make a better life for Juliana. Her mother promised to buy her a bike if she could get high marks in second grade. Juliana was a good kid and had no problems with her studies but she did not want to breeze through and sit on complacency. She wanted to work hard for that bike. She vowed to herself that she would do her best, and she hoped that she would still be counted among the honor students when she would go back to school after this summer.

Just like Juliana’s mother, Sergio’s parents worked in the flower plantation of the Carvajals. Sergio was the only kid who was fairly her age living in the housing for flower farmers so he was her only playmate. He was two years older than her. To Juliana, he was like an older brother.

“Don’t go past the marigold patch, ok? We’re not allowed to go near the mansion on top of the hill.” Sergio sternly reminded Juliana.

“Why not?” the young girl was disappointed. When she was imagining her route the night before, she wanted to go near the mansion and have a closer look at the grand edifice.

“Because that’s where the Carvajals live.”

“Carnivals? What’s so special about them?” Juliana crossed her arms and frowned.

“Hayyy, Juli… You really don’t know anything, do you?” Sergio dramatically put his palm on his forehead. “They own everything here!” He flailed his arms in circles gesturing towards the acres and acres of fields of flowers.

“Ok… So the Carnivals own the flowers,” the little girl imitated Sergio by flailing her tiny arms, ”but you still didn’t say why we can’t go there, Sergio.” Juliana put her arms on her waist. She had a tendency to be a bit stubborn. His answer did not satisfy her at all.

“Carvajal, not carnival! Car-va-jal, get it? You’re so dumb, Juli!” The older boy was frustrated with Juliana.

“Shut up! I’m not dumb.” The little girl folded her arms and pouted.

“Just don’t go there, you hear me? My _mamá_ said so, and I know yours would say the same. If you go there, I’ll never lend my bike to you ever again!” He threatened his friend.

Juliana just nodded her head although she was not fully convinced even with the older kid’s threat. Sergio motioned for her to grab the handlebars of the bike. Juliana was a tiny girl and the seat on Sergio’s bike was almost too high for her even when adjusted. Her feet could barely push the pedals when she sat down. However, she managed to get the wheels turning and she took off with no problems.

“Be careful with my bike, Juli!” Sergio shouted as the girl with sun-kissed skin began to ride away.

“I will!” Juliana shouted back and waved through the general direction where Sergio and his mother were.

Juliana really wanted to go see the mansion-- that was one of the reasons why she wanted to borrow the bike. If she walked from her house to the mansion, it would take her a long time because she would have to cross fields and fields of flowers to get to it-- not to mention the tiny huts they called nursery where the baby plants were. To see the mansion and lose “borrowing rights” for Sergio’s bike or to never see what the mansion is like but perpetually have Sergio’s permission to borrow his bike: Juliana pondered if she wanted to take the risk. Being the stubborn and fearless little girl that she was, she decided to take the risk. There was no way that Sergio would know that she would ride all the way to the mansion, right?

 

* * *

 

Valentina hated going to Villa Guerrero on summers and on holiday breaks. She did not have friends in the place and there was nothing to do. It was a sleepy little town. She was always itching to go back to Mexico City where her friends were, where there were many parks to go to and arcades she can play in with her brother Guillermo. Here in Villa Guerrero, she was bored to death. They did not even allow her to walk around the fields of flowers because they were afraid that she would get lost or she might get hurt playing around. Everyone was so protective of her because she was the youngest. She was the tiny princess of the Carvajals-- _princesita,_ as the Carvajals’ house staff and flower farmers would call her. The young girl looked like a doll with her light-brown hair, porcelain skin and entrancing blue eyes. Indeed, she was just as precious as her namesake.

In the morning, Valentina was looking out in the balcony of their house. She rested her chin on her hands, her palms cupping her plump, rosy cheeks. She was bored and wanted to run around the flower fields but she was not allowed to. She could only look at the rows and rows of gorgeous flowers from afar with awe and longing. She wanted to run around and play, get close to the flowers and observe how beautiful they were-- but she could not. Her older sister Eva sat on a chair, shaded by a big white umbrella. She was nose-deep into a novel she had began reading as soon as they arrived in Villa Guerrero. Valentina could not understand why her older sister would rather bury her face in a book than explore, enjoy the beautiful view and weather of the place.

“Eva?” Valentina called her sister but the older Carvajal did not respond.

“ _¡_ _Hermana!”_ Her voice was a bit louder this time.

“What, Vale?” Eva did not raise her eyes to meet her little sister’s.

“Why can’t I go to the flower fields but you can?” The younger Carvajal was peeping behind the book that Eva was reading, trying to get her attention.

“Because I’m older than you and I’m not as clumsy as you.” Eva looked at Valentina briefly then resumed reading. She was obviously not in the mood to talk.

“If you can, why don’t you go and play there instead?” Valentina, perhaps, was hinting on her sister accompanying her through the flower fields. She was thinking that maybe they would allow her to play there if the older and more responsible Eva was with her.

“Because I’m not in the mood.” Eva’s voice was plain and stern, but this did not faze the younger girl.

“When can I play in the flower fields then?”

“When you’re old enough.” Eva rolled her eyes when she spoke. She shifted her position so her face was turned away from her little sister.

“When am I old enough?”

“Vale! I don’t have time for your questions!” Eva slammed her book shut and stared down her sister. She was annoyed and her words came off with a harsh tone, “Can you just go play with your dolls or better yet, bother Guille instead?” She waved her off.

Valentina, being a cheerful and sensitive soul, had her feelings badly hurt by her sister’s exasperation. The little girl had tears running down her face. Eva did not care and resumed reading once more like nothing happened. Valentina ran outside the house and sat at the stairs of their back porch crying.

 

* * *

 

Meanwhile, Juliana finally reached the end of the flower fields. She left the bike on the foot of the hill. She was exhausted from the bike ride but her excitement overwhelmed her as she began her ascent on the hill without taking a rest to catch her breath. She did not go up the stone stairs leading up to their backyard so she would avoid getting caught. She was breathless by the time she reached the white picket fences surrounding the house. She hid behind the bushes and adored the magnificent mansion. Oh how she wished she could enter it! It was so huge. It looked more marvelous up close than how it looked from her tiny house. Well-manicured plants and flowers were sprawling the backyard. They also had a pool. A pool! Juliana wanted to take a dip in it although she did not know how to swim. It would be refreshing in this hot weather. She wondered if they had a beautiful dog. Rich people always had them, she thought to herself. The ivory colored edifice had windows spanning from floor to ceiling, and one can vaguely see what was inside the house. Juliana tried to imagine what was inside the house. In the movies she had seen, the mansions had so many rooms. She tried guessing how many rooms it had-- perhaps more than the people living there. They probably have very comfortable canopy beds with loads of fluffy pillows fit for a princess. Her glee and vivid imaginings were cut short when she saw a girl sobbing on the back porch of the house. She ducked back to the bushes worried that she might be seen by her. Juliana peeped through the bushes and observed the girl. She seemed to be the same age as Juliana.

 _Why is this girl crying?_ She thought to herself, _she lives in a very, very beautiful house!_

The girl on the porch suddenly stood up and wiped her tears on her forearms. She began marching down the massive lawn they had in their backyard with a mad expression on her face. She had her eyebrows scrunched together and her lips were pouting.

“I don’t care if they get mad at me! I am bored and I want to play in the flower fields!” The girl exclaimed as she stomped her way closer and closer towards Juliana’s hiding place.

Juliana got very nervous believing that she had been seen gawking at their mansion and now this girl was mad at her and will punish her. She closed her eyes and held her breath. She was thinking of an escape plan without hurting herself as she would descend the hill. She planned to just keep running and running as fast as she can so the other girl would not be able to catch her. Besides, she had a bike at the foot of the hill so she can go faster than her. She gave herself a countdown…

_3…_

_2…_

_1…_

Juliana stood up and turned around to check where the girl was. To her surprise, the girl was already right in front of her with only the fences separating them. Instead of darting towards the foot of the hill where her bike was, she seemed entranced by the other girl. Juliana had never seen eyes so blue, so beautiful.

Blue, the color of Valentina’s eyes, beaming in surprise.

Blue, the sky and the seas, all bowing at her beauty.

Juliana was stunned and could not look away. She had never seen a girl so beautiful.

The other girl, Valentina, was just as stunned as her. It took her awhile to get herself together and understand what was happening. She offered her a smile.

“I like your hair. It’s very pretty.” Valentina ran her fingers through Juliana’s mane.

“ _Gracias_.” Juliana could barely say the word. With her two front teeth missing, she smiled back at the blue-eyed girl.

“How come I never see you here?” Valentina asked.

“I live over there!” Juliana pointed way beyond the flower fields.

“Why did you come here?” Valentina was always full of questions. She was an inquisitive little child.

“Because your house is really pretty,” Juliana responded. She did not know that a pretty girl lived in it too.

“Valentina! Time to eat lunch!” They both heard Eva’s squeaky little voice echoing from the house.

Valentina _. A beautiful name to a beautiful girl_ , Juliana thought to herself.

“Will you come back here tomorrow?” Valentina wanted so bad for the other girl to say yes. She would have a new friend, someone she could play with and ease her boredom.

“I don’t know if I can.” Juliana was sad. She knew that she would not be able to pull off something like this again. She may have been lucky this time, but she might not be in the next. She would probably get caught and be reprimanded.

“Promise me you will,” Valentina stuck out her pinky finger. “Please?”

Juliana thought about it. The only friend she had was Sergio, and sometimes Sergio did not like playing with her because she was short and a girl. He would rather play football with the older boys. Valentina would be the perfect friend for her. Valentina’s beautiful eyes would not let Juliana say no.

“Ok, I will.” Juliana met Valentina’s pinky finger with her own, sealing the deal.

“What’s your name?” The blue-eyed girl asked.

“Juliana.”

The two girls stood enchanted with each other. They were smiling, looking away and giggling at each other.

“Valentinaaa!” Eva called out once more with a harsher tone.

“Coming!” Valentina shouted back turning away from Juliana.

“Do you have a monster in your house?” Juliana joked.

“Yes, my older sister Eva. But don’t tell anyone I told you that.”

“I promise!” Juliana raised her right hand as if it was something to take seriously.

“Good! Ok, I have to go now. See you tomorrow, Juliana!” Valentina blew a kiss to Juliana and ran back to the mansion. Juliana still had a smile plastered on her face. She copied Valentina and blew a kiss too.

 

* * *

 

**18 June 2001**

Wanting to keep her promise to Valentina, Juliana dropped by Sergio’s house first thing the next morning to ask if she can borrow his bike again. When Lupita called Juliana for breakfast, the little girl rushed through and said she had to do something important first.

 _What could possibly be more important than breakfast for this child?_   Lupita asked herself.

Sergio said that his mother still needed his help in the vegetable garden-- which meant that he would not use his bike and Juliana was free to use it again. Sergio handed her the bike without saying anything further. She breathed out a sigh of relief that he had no clue of her tiny adventure yesterday.

Juliana wanted to look nice for her new friend. She wore her favorite pink blouse and the new pair of shorts that her mom bought for her. She put her hair up in a ponytail and braided it. She tied a bow at the end of her braided ponytail. It took her awhile to braid her hair because she was still practicing. She learned it from the other girls in school. When Lupita asked why she was braiding her hair, Juliana said she just wanted to look nice for the day. Lupita noticed that her daughter seemed extra perky that day and she had no idea why. She tried to pry for the answer.

“What are your plans today, _mija_?”

“I’m going to ride around the flower fields, _mamá._ Sergio lent me his bike again!”

“So that’s why you’re very happy, aren’t you? Don’t go too far, ok?”

Juliana nodded her head. She felt like she was becoming a master of deception.

On her way to the mansion, Juliana picked a marigold to give as a little gift to Valentina. The kids were not allowed to pick flowers in the fields. Juliana did not like breaking rules but she already had by going near the mansion yesterday. Besides, if Valentina and her family owned the plantation, then it did not matter if she picked a flower for her. She carefully stowed it away in her bag to surprise Valentina later on. She also found some dandelions by the nursery huts and picked them as well. She was sure her new friend would be impressed.

Valentina was standing in their back porch holding a picnic blanket and a plate of scrumptious food. On it was a slice of apple pie. Silvina, the Carvajal’s house helper, was surprised that Valentina asked for another serving of the pie. Little did she know that she was saving it for her new friend. As soon as Juliana reached the top of the hill, Valentina waved to her eagerly. She immediately noticed the girl with beautiful sun-kissed skin and came to her quickly, being careful not to drop the plate of food.

“You look very pretty today, Juliana! I love your braids!” She excitedly greeted her friend.

The shorter girl blushed and was in high spirits as her efforts were noticed.

“Thank you!” Juliana said as she played with the end of her braided ponytail. _A pretty girl calling her pretty_ \-- people called her pretty too but she did not believe them. She did not know why but coming from Valentina, it sounded nicer. More genuine and believable. Valentina opened the tiny gate of the fence and let her in. Juliana could not believe that she was already walking in the gardens of the beautiful mansion! She had always dreamed of it! Juliana walked ever so slowly, taking in the beauty of their garden. _This would be one of the best days of my life_ , she thought. Valentina led the way and she followed. The two girls laid down the blanket on the ground underneath the shade of a tree. Exhausted from the bike ride to the mansion, Juliana plopped herself down. Valentina laughed.

“I have something for you!” Valentina declared excitedly as if she was the one receiving a gift. “It’s apple pie. It’s very delicious!”

Juliana made a long journey to come to the mansion. Her heart leapt at the thought of eating pie. She only got to eat pastries at very rare occasions. She savored the sweetness of the pie, and Valentina was right. It was very scrumptious.

“I have something for you too!” Juliana brought out the marigold and the dandelions she picked from the field. She handled them cautiously so the petals of the marigold did not fall off and the white fuzz of the dandelion stayed in tact.

“I took it from your fields on my way here,” Juliana laughed heartily. Her two front teeth were missing.

The blue-eyed girl was so happy she wanted to cry. “Juliana! You are the best! These are so beautiful!” she pressed the flowers gently on her chest.

“My _mamá_ said marigolds are the flowers we should give to the gods,” Juliana wanted to impress her friend with her smarts too.

To Juliana, Valentina was a goddess.

“Why?” The inquisitiveness of Valentina was showing again.

“Because marigolds mean that we have good hearts to give them.” Juliana took a bite from the pie and mumbled the next words through her chewing, “When we have good hearts they will grant our wishes.”

“Really?” Valentina’s eyes widened.

“Really!” Juliana affirmed, believing it fully herself. “Here…” Juliana scooted closer to Valentina and took the marigold again. She kept Valentina’s tresses away from her face and tucked the flower on her right ear. As Juliana placed the flower, Valentina could not take her eyes off Juliana. She was fascinated with the shorter girl’s big and bright eyes, her long lashes and the beautiful color of her skin. She was quite pale compared to her.

 _"¡Hermosa!"_ Juliana exclaimed as she clapped her hands, clasped them together and brought them to the side of her face. Juliana looked enamored, beaming widely at her friend. Her missing teeth showed again. It made Valentina grin. Even with her missing teeth, she thought Juliana was the prettiest girl she had ever seen.

“These ones are dandelions,” Juliana pointed at the two fuzzy flowers that her friend was holding. “You make a wish before blowing it.”

Valentina studied the flowers. She looked at them with amazement.

“I once wished that I could have a new friend. Now I have you!”

Believing Juliana-- believing that the dandelion had some mystical powers, Valentina was excited to make a wish. “Oooooh! I want to make a wish too! I want to make a wish too!”

“I got one for you and one for me.” Valentina handed back the other dandelion to Juliana. “Let’s make a wish together.”

“Ok! On the count of three…” Valentina began counting down, and the two blew their dandelions in unison. As the fuzz fluttered in the air, the two girls watched in astonishment.

“What did you wish for?” Valentina asked Juliana.

“It will never come true if I tell you.” Juliana said as a matter of fact while disposing the stem of the dandelion on the side.

“Oh really? I don’t care. I want to to tell you what I wished for!” The bubbly Valentina never held herself from saying things that excited her out loud.

Before Valentina could say it, Juliana covered her ears. Seeing this, Valentina felt a bit upset.

“Why didn’t you listen?” The blue-eyed girl frowned.

“Because I want your wish to come true.”

Valentina looked down and played with the hem of her dress and was overwhelmed with happiness that Juliana wanted her wish to come true too.

“Do you think it will really come true if no one hears it?”

Juliana beamed and nodded. Valentina felt so lucky to have a new friend in Juliana. She gave her a quick hug. Juliana’s eyes shot wide open as she did not expect it. The blue-eyed girl stood up all of a sudden and asked, “Do you want to go inside the house?”

Juliana’s heart raced. Her wish of wanting to see the mansion came true! _Wishes do come true_ , she thought to herself.

Valentina held Juliana’s hand while they skipped with springs in their steps together in the backyard towards the mansion. She never felt this happy before. She could not stop smiling and wished that she could be with Juliana forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know kids say silly and sweet things-- sometimes they're not even fully aware of the context which makes it extra adorable and hilarious at times-- the hair touching, sweet gestures and the unfiltered adoration they have. I work with kids and this is where I based the kid!Juliana and kid!Valentina interactions and dialogues in this particular partitions and the next few ones as well.
> 
> Edit: After re-reading this part, I changed the title because I noticed that Marigold and Dandelion are great metaphors for Valentina and Juliana (Valentina=Marigold=Goddess and Juliana=Dandelion=Wildflower)


	3. Under Rose-tinted Skies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place a year after the girls' fateful meeting. Juliana finally gets her own bike. She then sneaks out Valentina for a bike ride around the flower fields.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Serving you more young Juliantina sweetness in this chapter!
> 
> This was the song that I was playing while writing their bike ride scene-- I just thought it fit the vibe:  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/4BEI01RMjIuA2geFPZIVHS?si=O6_B0luFQMWHA5GJkvrrUA

**1 July 2002**

Everyone knew when the Carvajals were back in Villa Guerrero when the mansion on top of the hill transformed to a grand sight at night. It rivaled the iridescence of the moon and appeared to belong to the celestial horizon of the Mexican countryside during summer nights. Usually, there were no occupants in the house for the rest of the year. It was a dormant building that lay still where a few of the Carvajals’ house staff would clean and tidy up (not that there was anything that needed tidying up) and keep the gardens lush and evergreen. But when the Carvajals were around for the summer in Villa Guerrero, the ivory edifice stood tall and opulent with the warm lights illuminating its every corner at night. It took on a life of its own. It appeared like the Parthenon in its heydays-- a structure fit for deities.

Last night, the mansion stood at that state of grandeur. Upon seeing it, little Juliana could not sleep. It had been a year since the fateful meeting of the young girls. She would be with her friend again. She was eager to see Valentina again. She thought about the stories that Valentina would tell her about her life in Mexico City. Valentina’s city life intrigued her. It was a life so foreign to her, a part of Valentina’s life that she did not know-- and she wished she knew.

She wanted to know everything about her.

She also could not wait to share her own stories-- the new things she learned in school, the special flowers that bloomed in the seasons when her friend was not in Villa Guerrero, but most importantly, she could not wait to show Valentina her new bike. Juliana, without any surprise, made it in the second grade honor roll. Lupita was proud of her Juliana’s achievement. She always was. As promised, Lupita rewarded Juliana with a bike. The smart young girl was given a pastel yellow cruiser bike which she aptly named _Maravilla_ (or _Mara_ , for short)-- for its namesake has the color of marigolds. For Juliana, although it was a second-hand bike that her mom found in a thrift shop, Mara was still a marvel to behold. Panchito, one of the flower farmers, helped make it look and run like it was new again. He threw in a few extras as well. He installed a hand-woven basket in front of the handlebars, repaired the bent rear rack and made it sturdier. Juliana was grateful for it. It was something that she could use whenever she felt like it and not ask permission for; before the sun rose and even when the sun had dipped below the horizon, time was on her side. She could ride through the fields for as long as she wanted, for as long as her tiny legs could pedal until they got tired. Juliana was more than ecstatic to have it. It was something that she could finally call hers.

Valentina and Juliana were never caught breaking the rules last summer. They were very cautious with their whereabouts but there were very close calls. One afternoon, Silvina was bringing snacks for Valentina in her room. Seeing the door was left half ajar, she just entered the room and forgot to knock. Thankfully, Juliana had to use the toilet that time and she was not seen. From then on, Valentina made sure that her bedroom door was always closed so the knocks could come as a warning-- just in case Juliana had to hide. Her brother Guillermo was always highly suspicious of the fresh flowers that would “magically” appear in Valentina’s bedroom. And to his surprise, every single day it was always a new type of flower! He just assumed that she had asked Silvina to bring some for her. After all, he knew that his little sister had a great fondness for the flowers. It might explain why Valentina stopped sulking about not being able to go to the flower fields or bothering Eva and him to come play with her. That was Guillermo’s best guess. The Carvajals' backyard was wide and full of plants. When the two girls played in the backyard, they were tantamount to ants frolicking in the garden. They could hardly be seen.

Juliana would stay for only a few hours and leave before sun down when her mother would come looking for her and she needed to help prepare supper. Lupita was awake before the sun arose, and would only be back at their house when the sun went down. Those were the only times that Lupita could supervise Juliana. There were not too many kids in the flower farm; there were less than ten of them including Juliana and Sergio. The flower farmers relied on each other to look after their kids-- like one big communal family. However, she had great trust in her young daughter. She was independent and was a fierce tiny one. She knew where her little one got that from. On the days that Juliana could not borrow Sergio’s bike last summer, she painstakingly took twenty minute walks to get to the Carvajal mansion-- a great feat of walking for a child her age. That was the fastest that her tiny legs could take her. She kept her word to her friend every time she had asked for her to come. Valentina, in turn, would patiently wait-- always with food in hand and a smile that certainly made Juliana forget how long she walked. Lupita and Sergio still had not figured out that Juliana had been spending most of the summer days at the Carvajal mansion. The two girls had a world of their own-- one where it was just them, their beautiful flowers and their imaginings of a world far and wide, a life far beyond and more profound than what their youthful imageries could comprehend for now. Little did they know that their tiny promises and dreams together as little children would echo into the fates of their future. Perhaps it was already written all along for them.

 

* * *

 

 

It was quarter past three in the afternoon when Juliana went on her way to the Carvajal mansion. She had spent the day running around the town with her mother doing errands. All she could think about the whole day was finally seeing her friend. She wanted to tell her mom that she had something more important to attend to-- but then again, Lupita did not know that her daughter was friends with the Carvajals’ _princesita._ As soon as they got back home, Juliana asked permission to go “play in the flower fields.” She decorated the basket of her bike with a couple of yellow zinnias. She wanted her bike Mara, to look wonderful when Valentina saw it. She hoped that her friend would think of her bike as marvelous just as she did. Juliana grabbed three vibrant magenta zinnias to bring for her friend-- three, she thought, for the words _I missed you_. Her mother once told her that giving zinnias, especially to a friend, meant that you were thinking of them, that you remembered them. Last summer Valentina told Juliana that she was not allowed to go to the flower fields because they feared that she might get into an accident. Juliana felt bad for Valentina. They owned the plantation yet she could not frolic freely in the beautiful fields just like Juliana could. She was missing out on so much beauty and fun, Juliana thought. So every time she came to see Valentina last summer, she brought a flower for her, a new type for each day-- golden sunflowers, pink carnations, varied hues of mums, fragrant lilies and lilacs, and if she was lucky when a few farmers only frequented the rose patch (and it was not so often that the farmers frequented it due to the constant year-round demand for it), she would grab a few. They were her friend’s favorite flower after all. Juliana thought that if Valentina could not go to the flower fields, she would bring the flowers to her instead.

Valentina spent the whole day at their back porch waiting for Juliana. She just knew that Juliana would come see her that day. She dressed prim and pretty as usual with her alabaster white blouse and a pair of khaki shorts with embroidered patterns of roses on the hem. She had also asked Silvina if she could braid a part of her hair. It looked beautiful on Juliana and she thought it would look the same on her as well. She waited for her friend by the back porch and held a gift bag full of art materials. Inside it was a coloring book, a drawing pad, a few pencils with adorable bunnies printed on them, and a sixty-four crayon box. She and her friend spent countless afternoons last year drawing together. Juliana wished that she had such cool art stuff to use when Valentina lent her her extensive set of art materials. Valentina was sure her friend would be over the moon seeing her gifts-- mostly, the sixty-four crayon box since she too loved using that.

When Juliana did not show up in the morning, the blue-eyed girl was disappointed. She thought that her friend would be just as excited as her to meet once again but it seemed as if she was not. She did not get any sleep last night because she was too excited to see Juliana again. By early afternoon, she was losing hope. Maybe something terrible had happened to her friend-- or maybe she had forgotten about her. She did not want to simmer into either idea. The day wore on and she was close to tears because there were still no signs of the young, spirited Juliana. Maybe her hunch was right-- Juliana had totally forgotten about her. Maybe she did not need a friend in her anymore. Maybe it was just a fleeting fun summer for her that did not mean as much as it did for her. Valentina stared blankly at the skies. Her thoughts were far away, and she did not notice the tiny Juliana crossing the lawn and sneaking up on her. Standing on the tips of her toes to reach and cover the taller Valentina’s eyes with her hands, Juliana asked in a playful sing-song manner, “Guess whooo?”

Valentina’s heart skipped a beat. She recognized that voice. She had been wanting to hear that voice for a very long time.

“Juli!” Valentina exclaimed as she turned around to throw her arms around the shorter girl. “I thought you forgot about me already.” She admitted. She was so glad to be wrong with her fake imaginings as she enveloped her friend tighter in the embrace.

“I’m sorry. I wanted to come earlier but I had to go buy things in the market with my _mamá_ ,” Juliana apologized.

Valentina would not have let go of Juliana in the embrace if it were not for the shorter girl taking her hand and whisking her away all of a sudden as she enthusiastically spoke, “I want to show you something cool but it’s on the foot of the hill so we better make it quick.”

“Ummm… ok?” Valentina responded half-consciously, letting her feet run along with Juliana. She was engulfed with too much happiness that she could barely think. Before she knew it, they had ran across the backyard and crossed the fences. The two girls held hands as they made their way down the hill. It was the first time Valentina had gotten out of the premises of their house. She was light-headed from being too elated with what was happening. She had not fully recovered just yet from seeing her friend. Halfway through the hill, she already knew what Juliana wanted to show her. The flowers decorating the bike threw it away. She turned to look at her friend, and she still had the biggest smile on her face. Her face began to mirror the excited Juliana. She adored seeing her friend this happy.

When they reached the foot of the hill, “This is _Mara!_ ” Juliana proudly proclaimed a bit breathless from the way down as she tapped the handlebars of the bike.

“ _¡Qué chido!_ ” Valentina remarked as she walked around and observed the bike in awe. She found it fascinating that her friend gave her bike a name. The bike fitted Juliana perfectly, Valentina thought. Mara was the color of sunshine. To her, the girl with sun-kissed skin was sunshine. She always brightened her up.

“Oh, here! I have a surprise for you too!” It almost slipped Valentina’s mind that she had a gift for her friend. Valentina cheerfully handed the gift bag and Juliana eagerly dug into it, letting out sounds of amazement with every item she found inside it. Her beautiful brown eyes shot wide as she saw the brand new, unopened sixty-four crayon box.

“Is this really for me?” She turned to her friend with awe.

“It is!” Valentina was beaming back.

“ _¡Muchas gracias, Vale!”_ Juliana returned the favor as she hugged her back as well. She was flattered by her friend’s thoughtfulness. Valentina remembered how fond Juliana was of drawing. Juliana carefully placed the gift bag on the basket of her bike because she was not finished with her surprise for Valentina just yet.

“Remember when you said that you wanted to see the flower fields?” Juliana braced her friend for a bigger surprise.

Valentina nodded. Her smile seemed permanently fixed on her sweet face.

“We’re already here, aren’t we?” Her friend teased.

Juliana removed her jacket and folded it for padding on the rear rack so Valentina can cozily sit behind her. Juliana grabbed her helmet from the basket and fitted it on her friend. She fastened it for her and tapped it ever so lightly to pretend to check if it was a snug fit. Valentina was a bit anxious because she had never ridden a bike before. This would be her first time. But the way Juliana held herself confidently, as if she had been planning this for a long time, calmed her rapidly beating heart for a tiny bit. Juliana helped Valentina get comfortable on their makeshift passenger seat.

“Ready?” She turned to look at Valentina before setting off. The passenger could only give a half-hearted nod. Juliana struggled to balance the both of them at first. Valentina’s heart was pounding fast. She was afraid that they would both wipe out, fall to the ground and injure themselves.

“Hold on to me,” Juliana asked the passenger. The front wheels were awkwardly swerving left and right but Juliana was only giggling with how she could not seem to get the balance for both of them.

 _How can she just giggle through all of this?_ Valentina thought. She held onto Juliana a little bit tighter and buried her face on the shorter girl’s back. She was about to cry but a few tries later, Juliana got into the rhythm of pedaling. The rider let out a triumphant cheer as they took off swiftly.

The two girls dashed off through the dirt pathways in between rows and rows of stunning flowers, of petals in every color and every hue. Valentina’s anxiousness was slowly disappearing as she saw the most gorgeous flowers of every kind clustered together in the wide open fields. Juliana placed a reassuring hand on Valentina’s arms that were wrapped so tightly around her waist--as if to say that she did not need to be so frightened anymore, that they were all right and she would not let anything bad happen to her. The passenger eased her arms around Juliana and started to fully enjoy the panoramic scenes from then on. Juliana sped off with no troubles and seemed to know every part of the Carvajal flower plantation.  

Every once in a while they would stop whenever Valentina saw something that fascinated her-- whether it was a flower, a funny-looking insect or a picturesque view that she just wanted to take in and bask in its beauty. Juliana was very patient with her friend. She answered Valentina's numerous questions about the flowers. Her answers were just echoes of what her mother had told her. Juliana waited for Valentina to finish her lingerings and observations of the plants until she wanted to transfer and see other spots of the farm. Juliana always struggled getting the wheels back on track because she had to pedal for both of their weight; Valentina was taller and a bit fuller than the tiny, skinny Juliana but she did not show any ounce of struggle and difficulty to her friend. It did not matter that her legs were waning from too much exertion. She did not mind it when she saw Valentina’s stunning blue eyes gazing at her with so much glee.

Valentina got very comfortable in their bike rides. She began to love the feeling of the cold wind brushing through her cheeks and blowing through her hair. Sometimes, she would throw her arms up and shout in delight when Juliana sped up a bit. The sun was about to set and Juliana reminded her friend that she had to be home to help her mother prepare supper. As the two girls rode back to the foot of the hill, Juliana slowed her pace to savor the moments of the afternoon. Valentina wrapped her arms around Juliana and rested her head on the shorter girl’s shoulder. Juliana could feel Valentina smiling on her back even when she did not turn around to look at her face. It was an exhausting day but she had so much fun. Valentina tossed her head back looking up at the endless sky with streaks of wispy clouds drifting above her. She wanted to commit every moment to memory. She did not want to ever forget it. She did not want the day to end.

The two girls alighted the bicycle carefully. After unfastening the helmet on Valentina’s head, Juliana squeezed her friend’s rosy, plump cheeks. Valentina squeezed back and the pair erupted into a fit of giggles. Instead of letting Valentina climb up the hill on her own, Juliana accompanied her, still with their hands intertwined. On their way up, Valentina kept on gushing about how today was the best day she ever had. She could not stop thanking Juliana as she swung their interlocked hands in merriment. When they reached the fences atop the hill, Valentina threw one last hug to her friend before saying their goodbyes.

“Juli?”

“Mmhmm?” Juliana mumbled as she put her jacket back on.

“Do you think you can teach me how to ride a bike tomorrow?” Valentina was hoping her friend would say yes. All afternoon, she knew her friend struggled to pedal for both of them. She would have loved to take turns but she did not know how to ride a bike yet. She would love to be the one on the driver’s seat this time.

“Of course, Vale. That’s a promise.” Juliana stuck out her pinky finger and Valentina locked in the promise with hers. The shorter girl had a huge smile on her face. Valentina noticed that her friend’s two front teeth had already grown. However, the bottom ones were missing in its place now. She still thought her friend was the most adorable in the world.

The warm golden glow of dusk made everything look even more beautiful. The silhouettes of harvest slopes looked immaculate under the rose-tinted heavens. Valentina loved the warmth of the falling sun on her skin. But she loved something else even more. She turned to her companion who was dreamily gazing at the fading sunset. The faint light of the sun made Juliana’s brown eyes look like golden dew drops. Young Valentina was in awe. She felt as if flowers were growing in her heart. Swept away in the moment, she could not help herself from letting sweet words slip from her mouth as Juliana turned to her with the same dreamy gaze. She muttered underneath her breath, “ _Te quiero._ ”


	4. Birds of Paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guillermo finds out that Valentina had been sneaking out all the time to go play with her new friend, Juliana. Valentina finally learns how to ride a bike. The two girls have a funny conversation about a flower called birds of paradise. This is the origin story of their pact in this fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter became way longer than expected. I got carried away when I was writing this at 1 in the morning.
> 
> Also, this is the song where I lifted the title of this fic from. And the perfect song to listen to as you read this chapter.  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/4yyg2J2uXOjCtCyT64984C?si=oHk34KUjSHSp5HBd_qWyoA

**8 July 2002**

Among the Carvajal children, Guillermo was the most likely to keep to himself. He was a silent young boy who often found gratification in doing things by himself. It did not take much for him to be amused. The introverted young boy could be left alone the whole day to solve a jigsaw puzzle and he would not get bored. He owned a British Shorthair cat named _El Jefe_ that he often talked to and played with. He named the cat such because the gray-colored feline had a white marking on his nose that made him look like a mustachioed gentleman. _El Jefe_ came with the Carvajals whenever they were in Villa Guerrero so the young boy could keep himself preoccupied. Unlike him, the Carvajal girls were very outspoken which was the reason why Eva and Valentina clashed frequently. He avoided conflicts as much as he could. He would be the first one out of the room at the first sign of a looming outburst. He liked to stay on the sidelines, on the safe side of things. Guillermo was three years older than Valentina, and Eva had a good two years on him. Although the middle Carvajal child was silent and shy, he was a good observant, perhaps an empath too since he knew what other people would be feeling even when words were not spoken. He could feel when something was and was not right. He knew when things were out of place. Certainly, he felt this way towards his little sister Valentina when they were in Villa Guerrero.

His suspicions began even at the end of last summer. Guillermo often wondered why he could not find Valentina at home easily. It was like the young girl figured out how to play hide and seek on her own-- if that was even possible. Valentina no longer bothered him to come play with her. He was not fond of dolls, stuffed animals or playing house anyway. Valentina stopped stealing _El Jefe_ from him so she can have a “guest of honor” for her make-believe lavish tea parties. She no longer talked incessantly about wanting to go to the flower fields as much as before-- and perhaps the various flowers that “magically” appeared in her bedroom had something to do with it. The inquisitive girl’s kooky questions to him about life dwindled. Another thing that he picked up on was Valentina’s unusual fondness for Villa Guerrero. When they were back home in Mexico City, he would often hear his younger sister ask their father repeatedly when they would be visiting Villa Guerrero again. Valentina’s dread about Villa Guerrero suddenly turned to excitement in a blink of an eye. All of Valentina’s quirks that he considered to be a nuisance stopped abruptly.

This summer, Guillermo had searched for his younger sister high and low around the house, and he was not able find her. To be fair with the young boy, the Carvajal mansion was huge. It would have taken him the whole day to find his sister if he were to explore every nook and cranny of the place. He could not believe that he missed the annoying little girl bothering him every chance she had. When he asked Eva where Valentina was, she would just shrug her shoulders and answer in a peaceful and calm manner as if she was not graced by the annoying presence of Valentina for the whole day. Peaceful and calm was not in Eva’s dictionary. When he finally did get a glimpse of his younger sister-- which were only during evenings before they had dinner-- she would appear extremely tired but still be in high spirits. When Valentina ate supper, it was as if she exhausted herself the whole day and could eat a serving for two people. When he pointed out these facts to Eva, she just brushed it off. She was just glad that Valentina was not tailing her around like some kind of puppy desperate for attention. Guillermo was put off with Eva’s disregard for their little sister. Admittedly, Guillermo considered his little sister to be quite annoying from time to time but he deeply cared for her. Her sudden disappearances at the peak of the day was a mystery. For him, something felt very off. His qualms were finally put to rest as he played detective: he decided to secretly follow his sister to her whereabouts one day.

In the morning, there was nothing that seemed out of the ordinary. The three children did not have swimming lessons for the day so Valentina was in her room with her tummy on the floor, feet up swinging in the air, and humming made-up tunes to herself as she merrily drew flowers. By lunch time, the little girl was running downstairs to ecstatically show their father her new drawing. Their father gave the little girl a kiss on the forehead and told her what an amazing artist she was. In the early afternoons when their father returned to work, the Carvajal kids were expected to have their _siesta._ Apparently, the little girl was fooling everyone about taking her afternoon naps. Guillermo found Valentina in the kitchen sneaking behind Silvina. The little girl was slyly stashing apples and tangerines-- two of each, when Silvina’s back was turned against her. She hid the fruits on her small, sky blue satchel. As soon as she got them, she hurried outside to the backyard. He quickly trailed her from behind, cautious not to alarm Valentina that he was at her tail. It did not seem to be a problem because as the little girl skipped cheerfully away, she seemed too thrilled to be elsewhere. Valentina opened the tiny gate of the fence and did not bother to check if anyone saw her leave the backyard. She just nonchalantly swung the tiny gate and went on her way. There was no ounce of cautiousness in his little sister.  

When Guillermo got to the fences, he hid behind the bushes and waited for a moment. He thought about what was happening. Valentina’s boldness was not new knowledge to him. In fact, it just proved that he was right all along-- that his sister was up to something all this time. They were told not to leave the premises of their house-- and yet there she was, breaking the rules. He was quite mad that his sister had the audacity to do such a thing. If their father found out about this, she would be in deep trouble. Guillermo was worried that something bad might happen to her. The flower fields were very wide. She could easily get lost. If she were to explore it, she would not know where to begin. To him, the flower fields were not a playground.

When he thought the coast was clear, he peeped above the bushes, just enough for him to get a glimpse on the commotion happening at the foot of the hill.

“Just look ahead. Don’t look down, Vale!” A strange girl instructed Valentina.

At the foot of the hill were two girls: Valentina, who seemed to be in full focus with her eyebrows scrunched together as she practiced how to ride a bike, and another girl, fairly Valentina’s age but shorter who was supporting his sister’s balance as she held the saddle of the bike from behind. Guillermo scratched his head. He had never seen the girl before.

“Don’t let go yet,” Valentina asked, but the girl had already let go of the saddle without his sister noticing. Guillermo stood up nervous. The protective big brother within him was alarmed. He was afraid that his sister might fall, but Valentina turned a curve perfectly. She pedaled slowly and did just as the girl instructed.

“You got it! That’s it!” The strange girl encouraged. The girl jumped up and down while clapping her hands joyously. Guillermo could see his sister with a wide smile on her face.

Valentina was doing such a great job riding a bike. She sped up her pedaling yet her balance was still impeccable. Guillermo surmised that she had been practicing for quite a while now-- and this, her sneaking off with her friend, was going on longer than he had thought. The girl was now playfully chasing Valentina down. The young girls were laughing unstoppably. Seeing his sister extremely happy and having so much fun made the anger within him dissipate. How can he be angry at something that made his little sister happy? He thought about it, and it was better for her to have a friend to play with instead of dying of boredom back at the house. He observed the girls a little longer. He wondered where the strange girl came from. How did she even know his sister?

He was so proud watching Valentina learn a new skill that he wanted to give his little sister a hug. He wanted to rush down the hill towards where they were. He knew that he would also get into trouble if he broke the rules and went to the flower fields without adult supervision-- but something within him was overwhelmed. Before he knew it, he was making his way towards the girls. Valentina and Juliana were too preoccupied to notice that he was approaching them.

“Valentina!” Guillermo shouted. Upon seeing that it was his big brother, Valentina lost her balance and almost fell off of the bike when she turned to look behind her. Good thing Juliana had fast reflexes. The shorter girl chased her down faster and caught her friend before she could hit the ground. Valentina’s heart was pounding hard. She knew she would be in deep trouble now that her brother knew she was escaping the premises of the house. She swallowed hard. Juliana, on the other hand, was more anxious about Valentina getting hurt.

“ _¿Estás bien? ¿Estás bien?_ ” A concerned Juliana repeatedly asked as she helped Valentina get to her feet. She steadied Valentina allowing her precious bike to fall on the ground.

“Thanks, I’m ok.” The blue-eyed girl dusted herself off.

Juliana breathed out a sigh of relief when she could not find any cuts or abrasions on Valentina. She would be damned if anything bad happened to the Carvajal’s _princesita_. Her heart was still pounding hard as the boy started running towards them. Juliana, by this time, had figured out that the boy was Valentina’s older brother, Guillermo. She knew this from the stories Valentina had told her before. Guillermo had the same fair, unblemished complexion that Valentina had. His hair was dark and well-coiffed. His eyes, unlike Valentina's, were dark brown. He had boyish good looks, and he was tall and slim. He and Valentina did not look too alike. There was nothing threatening about the Carvajal boy but Juliana had her guard up. If this boy was going to begin a fight and yell at his sister, Juliana would not back down to defend Valentina. She did not care if he was Valentina’s older brother. It did not matter that the boy was much taller and stronger than her, she would fight him if needed. She started rolling up her sleeves just in case.

“ _¡Hermano!_ Don’t tell anyone. I’ll explain everything later. _Por favor_...” Valentina pleaded. The little girl stopped speaking as soon as her brother gave her a hug. The two girls were in a wide-eyed surprise.

“You were great, Vale!” He spoke as he released her from his hold. His older brother was beaming with pride. The two girls were in disbelief. They knew for sure that they were going to be scolded and Valentina was going to be taken away

“Are you going to tell on me, Guille?” The girl asked with unease. Her voice cracked and from the corner of her eye, a tear fell.

“No, Vale. No.” He reached out and rested his hand on her shoulder. “I won’t tell anyone. I promise. This is our little secret.”

Juliana unclenched her fists seeing the older boy softened towards his sister. The tension dissipated from the older boy's reassuring words.

“And who’s your new friend?” The older boy suddenly turned towards the shorter girl hiding behind his sister. The girl’s bright brown eyes shot up and looked at him shyly. Valentina turned to look at her friend and squeezed her hand. The sadness in Valentina immediately disappeared as soon as her brother took notice of her friend.

“Juliana! She’s so cool and pretty isn’t she? She taught me how to ride a bike!” The enthusiasm in Valentina was palpable once more. Her praises made the shorter girl blush. Juliana modestly smiled at the older boy. She turned to her friend with a much bigger smile as she squeezed back her hand. Guillermo knew that his sister was easily excitable. She was fascinated with everything and anything that came new to her. But there was something in Juliana that was different-- that amplified everything about his sister's sunshine-like personality. It finally made sense why Valentina adored her new friend. Juliana was as much sunshine as Valentina was. Together, they radiated the warmth of a thousand suns and seemed as if they could illuminate an entire dark world a hundred times over. The young boy could feel this between the two as his sister proudly showed off her new friend. He knew and felt when something was and was not right. And this, this was right.

 

* * *

 

“They’re birds but also flowers?” Valentina asked, starry-eyed as Juliana was telling her about a new patch of flowers that recently bloomed in the plantation. They were called bird of paradise. Lupita had mentioned it to Juliana a few nights ago before the Carvajals arrived. She always told stories about the flowers in the plantation to Juliana. The little girl was always attentive to these stories. She loved flowers-- although to be fair, she loved learning about anything and everything. She saw the world with curious, bright eyes. Lupita was one of the farmers who tended to the bird of paradise patch over a couple of weeks. It was the first time the farm had them that was why it was significant for the farmers when they always successfully cultivated a new type of flower.

“I haven’t seen them,” Juliana admitted. "But I bet they look cool!" When her mother told her about the flowers, the young girl was very intent on seeing it. But she waited for Valentina. She wanted to see it for the first time with her.

“They’re bird of- what again?”

“Bird of paradise.” Juliana clarified. She neither knew what they looked like, nor did she know what paradise meant. All she knew was that her mother's excitement for it was enough reason to go see it.

Juliana sat on the rear rack and patted her bike’s saddle. “You’re going to drive this time.”

“I don’t think I’m ready, Juli”

“You are. I know it.”

Valentina was cautious at first. She pedaled slowly, conscious of what her mentor thought of her riding skills now. She wondered what Juliana was thinking of as they ran through the dirt roads of the flower fields. Juliana was not thinking much. She was just enjoying the beautiful view and the wind blowing through them. Although she lived in the flower plantation, her amazement on the scenic fields and the multitude of various gorgeous flowers in her immediacy never ceased. She felt so lucky having to reside in such a beautiful place. She could not imagine herself living anywhere else. Being accustomed to riding at the back of a bicycle, she did not hold on to Valentina to support herself. She sat sideways, letting her tiny feet dangle in the air and placed a hand on the rear rack and the other on the lap. She rode with Sergio at the back of his own bike when they had to go to school so this was not a new experience to her.

“Juli?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you put your arms around me?”

Valentina was anxious right from the beginning, and the hold of her friend calmed her down. Knowing that Juliana was with her, eased the rapid beating of her heart. Juliana had that effect on her. She felt safe and calm whenever she was with her-- like nothing bad could ever happen. Without asking why, Juliana leaned her head on Valentina’s back and wrapped her arms around the taller girl. Valentina smelled of sweat and a tinge of sweet strawberries.

“I can hear your heartbeat, Vale. Are you nervous?”

“A little bit,” she admitted. “I don’t want us to fall.”

“We won’t because we’re almost there. See that tree up ahead?” Juliana pointed north-west. “That’s where the bird of paradise flowers are.”

From their vantage point, they can see tall green plants bunched up together like a hand fan. The bright orange flowers appeared like sprinkled confetti from the distance. Valentina parked the bike under the shade of the tree, relieved that they did not fall. Juliana led the way as the girls passed through rows and rows of tall, beautiful stalks of bird of paradise plants. The taller Valentina was only half the size of the plant.

“We’re like in a jungle!” Valentina giggled. She peeked through the stalks to look at her friend. “Look how pretty they are! They do seem like birds don’t they?”

“They do!” Juliana agreed. They looked even more stunning than how her mother described the flowers to her. The flowers were in the shape of a bird in flight with vivid colors of orange, streaks of purple and hints of deep red. It was a combination of colors that seemed off but looked absolutely beautiful together. It was a palette of colors that matched perfectly.

“You can pick one of them.” Juliana suggested knowing that Valentina would like to display it in her room.

“Can I?”

Juliana nodded. The stem of the flower was quite thick so Juliana had to help her friend get one. After picking the "prettiest bird of them all" in Valentina's words, the two girls played tag within the jungle-like tiers of the patch. When they got tired, they climbed the tree where they parked the bike. The pair shared the snacks that Valentina grabbed from their kitchen. The apples mirrored the girls’ rosy red cheeks, tired and warm from running around. The tangerines mimicked the flowers that they adored and the sun about to send itself off behind them. The girls’ faces glistened against the rays of the dying sun gently reaching out to them.

“Did they plant the birds and then became wooosh!” Valentina balled her fists together and spread her arms and fingers to imitate an explosion. “And then they became like this.” She wiggled the flower she had picked.

“Or maybe they’re birds that turned into flowers!” Juliana exclaimed as she peeled a tangerine. She gave the half to Valentina and kept the other half for herself.

“Why would the birds want to be flowers?” The inquisitive Valentina was one to ask such a question.

“I don’t know. They probably got tired of being birds so they became flowers instead.”

“Would you rather be a bird or a flower?” Valentina asked as she plopped a piece of tangerine on her mouth and to Juliana's as well.

“That’s a hard question.” Juliana chewed the tangerine and pondered for a moment. She obviously adored flowers but she thought there was nothing much to it; the flower just had to stand still, look pretty and be one with the earth. But being one with the skies like the birds would probably be wonderful, she thought.

“I want to be pretty like a flower but I also want to fly,” Valentina began flapping her adorable sausage arms like a bird as if she were flying.

“But you’re already a flower because you’re very pretty.” Juliana took a piece of tangerine and brought it close to her friend’s mouth. The pair was having fun feeding each other.

“Ok, I have an answer now! I want to be a bird so I can go everywhere!” The shorter girl proclaimed after a moment of thinking.

“If you’re going to be a bird, I want to be a bird too.” Valentina wanted to be both actually, but she thought that if Juliana was a bird who could fly anywhere, she could not be a flower that stayed in one place. She had to be a bird too. "Because I want to be with you everywhere.”

“Everywhere?” Juliana repeated her friend.

“ _¡Sí! En todo el mundo._ ” Valentina happily spoke as she haphazardly scattered the tangerine peels around her. Valentina beckoned for Juliana to seal the promise, wiggling her stubby pinky finger, which the tinier girl firmly reached with hers. The pact between them was sealed.

_Everywhere in the world._

Juliana and Valentina would be like birds, going everywhere and anywhere together. The words echoed in Juliana’s mind. She wondered what else was there in the world to see, and if there was anything more beautiful than the flower fields of Villa Guerrero. She thought about Valentina’s life in Mexico City. What did cities look like? She had not been in one. She had only seen some photos in their school library, and of course, in the _telenovelas_ that her mom would watch after work. She only knew there were tall buildings that almost reached up the heavens, and there were so many cars that people probably did not walk-- or ride bikes.

“Hey,” Valentina snapped Juliana from her thoughts by squeezing her friend’s cheeks. “Are you still with me?” Her hands were fragrant and sticky from the tangerines.

“I was just wondering… how big is the world?”

Juliana’s question also incited the blue-eyed girl about what else was there to see in the world. Perhaps she had a wider idea about it than her friend. She had flown on a plane numerous times-- in fact, they always flew in to Villa Guerrero on chartered flights so the Carvajal children would not get antsy about long car drives. The children lived such comfortable lives. Her father would casually speak about places she could hardly pronounce like São Paulo, California, Sri Lanka and The Netherlands-- the latter being the place where gorgeous flowers called tulips grew. Tulips were easy for Valentina to memorize and pronounce-- “two lips,” she uttered while puckering her lips when her father brought home one for her and Eva on one of his trips to Keukenhof. There were so many delightful stories about foreign places that her father told her. All of it, he had said, someday she would have the privilege to go to when she was old enough. But for now, this-- the flower fields and Juliana-- was the world she wanted to live in.

“There’s only one way to find out!” Valentina held up the bird of paradise flower on her hand, as if to point to a direction.

“I’ll race you to the ends of the earth!” Juliana declared as she jumped down from the branch of the tree swiftly. She was preparing to ride the bike when she heard her friend shout.

“I’m going to fall! I’m going to fall!” The taller girl cried. She was having trouble finding her footing as she gripped on the trunk of the tree as tight as she could. Juliana rushed back to the foot of the tree.

“You can always fly if you fall. We’re birds, remember?”

“Juli! I really don’t know how to climb down.” The taller girl was laughing at herself while she wiggled her free foot.

“Here,” Juliana supported the taller girl’s back and extended her hand. Valentina was quick to grab it. She delighted in holding her friend’s hand because it felt like everything would be all right.

Everything was and would be all right with Juliana around.

The two girls walked hand in hand with Valentina swinging their hands in glee. The taller girl rode in front of the bicycle and Juliana sat at the back.

“Where are we flying to now?” Juliana rested her chin on Valentina’s shoulder. Just as Juliana asked, a flock of birds in formation flew above them. The girls both gazed in admiration.

“Anywhere… No, everywhere...” Valentina was finding the right words. “To the ends of the earth!” Valentina shouted while using the bird of paradise flower to point towards the flock of birds.

“To the ends of the earth!” Juliana echoed Valentina’s words. The two girls giggled. They felt one with the feathered creatures up in the tangerine skies flying so free. These were their tangerine dreams. Valentina began to pedal as fast as she could, as if to follow the birds. Juliana gazed at the ceaseless fields of flowers, how this was the beautiful world she knew.

_Everywhere in the world._

Juliana thought about it once more. She could not imagine being anywhere else in the world. She had never been out of Villa Guerrero. To her, the endless slopes and plains of the flower fields were her world-- where the wonderful skies that always draped itself with the most vibrant of colors were as boundless as the days she had with her friend, Valentina. Life for her was an eternal summer-- and the presence of Valentina made her love summer even more. This was her world. This was the world that she knew and lived. There were no other worlds that she was aware of, at least not yet. But she would leave this world in a heartbeat if it meant that she would have another world to explore with Valentina. Life would be an adventure with her. The beautiful, blue-eyed girl was an adventure herself. Juliana stood on the rear foot pegs of the bike and wrapped her arms around the taller girl's shoulders knowing in her heart that she would follow Valentina, wherever it was, even to the ends of the earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A headcanon that has been running on my mind ever since I began writing this fic: young Valentina is adorably chubby. She totally embodies someone who fits the image of a 'princesita.' Imagine a kid with plump cheeks and soft sausage arms who is absolutely adorable wearing puffy dresses. That's why in the previous chapter, tiny and slim Juliana had trouble balancing the bike for both of them. So if any artists out there reading this fic want to draw the bike scene of them together in the previous chapter and another cute scene in this chapter where the namesake of this fic has been lifted from... *cough* I gave you some cute imagery. Feel free to draw it. *pretty please?*


	5. Lavender Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're delving into Juliantina's teens now. Our babies are growing up! *wipes a tear from the corner of my eye* Juliana gets a Polaroid camera in exchange for her bike. Valentina gets excited over it and the girls have an aimless afternoon together in the flower fields taking photos and talking about a "Thelma and Louise" type of adventure. It suddenly starts to rain and they dash for shelter. Valentina does something that hits Juliana with the gay for the first time.
> 
> Btw, the girls are now 14 years old in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to give a huge thanks to awesome Tumblr user @jumbled-juliet for heeding my request to the void of making fanart for the previous chapter! Just so you know, it's my phone's wallpaper right now <3 Please go check out her amazing work and give her some love :)
> 
> http://jumbled-juliet.tumblr.com/post/182771160553/you-could-say-i-went-overboard-with-the-fan-art
> 
> Main song that I was listening to in this chapter: https://open.spotify.com/track/3Z1kZKYfRC8iRXnYeC5sCJ?si=3pAwvur_Tc2Pc1QDenj9NQ

**27 June 2008**

The landscape of Villa Guerrero had changed gradually over the years. The once sleepy little town was becoming awakened by a sudden flock of people for economic opportunities and a boom in small businesses. The rural town that was once cluttered with makeshift sidewalk stalls that sold trinkets both old and new and traditional Mexican food was now lined with shops that ranged from modern to kitschy. Although it was far from being a city-- far from having skyscrapers that seemed to bring the earth closer to the heavens, Villa Guerrero undoubtedly transformed. There was a slight bustle in the town’s plaza nowadays. However, the Carvajals’ flower plantation remained serene even as it expanded its lands due to growing demands for their cut flowers. The panoramic kaleidoscope colors of the flowers still seemed like heaven on earth.

Along with these currents of changes, the girls had grown up to become young ladies as well. In a blink of an eye, the flower fields were becoming less of a playground for the adventurous duo of Juliana and Valentina. It was not so much as a playground but a beautiful meeting place for the two girls these days. Time rapidly rushed in. Child’s play was gradually becoming a figment of their frolicsome past. The girls neither played hide and seek nor tag; neither did they have role plays of conquering lands far and wide as pirates nor took part in the simpler game of playing house where they always imagined living together-- cooking crushed leaves and mud as their made-up meals, purchasing stuff from an imagined market together and pretending to come home to each other after a tiresome day at work. Those were the worlds they created and wanted to live in.

Even though Villa Guerrero had new spaces for fun and leisure like the game arcade that Guillermo frequented during sunny afternoons, the young ladies still found home under the plantation’s boundless skies. They still cherished their days under the sun like the little girls they were before, and sometimes, they would live it again as they talked ceaselessly about all their hopes and dreams of the future, walking hand in hand through tiers of gorgeous perennial blooms. They spoke them out loud to each other unabashedly as if they wanted the flowers to hear them-- as if the flowers held the same magic as the stars did: to grant wishes. The vast plains and slopes of wonderful blooms where they owned the skies and were loved profoundly by the earth have been forever imprinted to both of the girls. They had this world to run to even if time had other plans for them. It was a world of their own. It was theirs to call their own.

Valentina was no longer forbidden to roam around the plantation fields. She had all the time in the world to explore as she pleased. However, there was nothing new to see because she and her best friend had traversed every inch of the plantation already. The girls never left any stone unturned-- and for Valentina, no flower unpicked all throughout the succeeding summers since they first met. Though there were no longer unfamiliar sights to discover, there were always new sensations for them to feel whenever they reunited in the idyllic flower fields; for those past seven years, it was happiness that never dwindled but intensified even more that always welcomed them along in their reunions. The thrill of having a secret world for only the two of them never waned even when everyone (finally) knew they were inseparable. While it was true that everything was set to overwhelming changes, there were things that stayed the same.

Juliana, on the other hand, was too big for her bike now. Its wheels were worn off from miles and miles of barreling through the dirt roads of the plantation. The bike chain and the frame had already formed rusts here and there. Mara’s glorious days had come to an end. Lucky for Juliana, she was able to trade Mara for a functioning 1980’s Polaroid 600 camera in the local thrift store. _A junk for another junk_ , said the owner of the store thinking it was a fair trade. The man also threw in a couple of boxes of unopened expired Polaroid film for Juliana to use. She vowed to use it sparingly since she knew she had a limited number of films. She would only take photos of things that were beautiful, that she felt would be significant to her now and years down the road. She knew the bulky old camera and the film loaded in it was outdated. Sergio even snickered and made fun of Juliana for her trade. He thought it was lame. Everyone was turning to digital, and no one would ever want the clunky, old camera now. But Juliana did. She wanted it because she remembered watching “Thelma and Louise” with Valentina last summer. The iconic scene of the heroines taking a “selfie” with a Polaroid stood out to the girls. They started to take a liking to the movie thanks to Eva.

Yes, THE sometimes terrible _Señorita_ Eva had willingly shared something she adored to the girls.

The eldest Carvajal, perhaps having matured, softened a bit to Valentina ever since she began studying university in the United States. The brilliant, ambitious young lady was taking up a major in economics and a minor in sociology at Columbia University in New York. Certainly, Eva's softness was still combined with a bit of sternness for her younger sister. Eva and Guillermo were protective of their youngest, but the siblings had a different definition of being protective: Eva's idea was to assess Valentina's every action based on how she would act on it herself. It was the egoist in Eva that thought she always had the right answers. Eva gave her younger sister some tough love perhaps it was because Valentina did not have too many memories of their mother when she was still alive. Eva partly played the role of mother to her. Guillermo, on the contrary, believed that Valentina had a lot of fight in her. She just needed someone to remind her sometimes when she got carried away and forgot it. Guillermo felt as if he was the one tasked to the role of reminding their younger sister-- but with some big brother teasing on the side.

Even if the two sisters did not frequently see eye to eye, and Eva would not easily admit to this: the Carvajal girls missed each other. Eva was only back home briefly during summers. In those brief moments, she furtively wanted to spend time with her younger sister-- and part of that was having movie marathons with her when she was back in Mexico. Eva, having had her taste of American pop culture in her freshman year in uni, was enthralled with “Thelma and Louise” because it was a feminist classic. Eva passionately talked about feminism, point by point, in the film to Valentina. Although the younger girl could barely comprehend what Eva was talking about, she let her older sister rant about it because Eva seemed happy doing so. Valentina admired Eva because of how intelligent she was. She always spoke passionately about the things she believed in-- and that was the only extent that the eldest Carvajal showed her deepest emotions. Valentina knew that even with Eva's tough exterior, she had a good heart shrouded behind the curtains of the occasional distrust. This was not a sign of Eva's insecurity. If anything, she was the most confident and self-assured person that Valentina knew. That was the thing with the young girl, she always saw the light in people. But she was not sure that Eva would be delighted to know that she stole her DVD of "Thelma and Louise" and brought it to Villa Guerrero last summer. She insisted that she “borrowed” it and did not steal it when Guillermo asked about it. Valentina took it because she wanted to show it to Juliana. She enthusiastically told her best friend about the film and invited her over one afternoon to watch the film with her. The girls were too young to watch it. Set aside the provocative and sensitive scenes where the two girls squirmed awkwardly in their seats, covered each other’s eyes and snickered at the realization of how silly they were, Valentina and Juliana revered the idea of best friends on the run. When Juliana hit the jackpot with the Polaroid camera, she had nothing else on her mind but to show it to Valentina. She was immensely thrilled to show it off to her, and also to take photos of her pretty best friend.

* * *

 

A day after the Carvajals arrived in Villa Guerrero in the summer of 2008, Valentina asked Silvina if she could help her make _tamales_ first thing in the morning. She wanted to surprise Juliana with it since they were her favorite dish after all. Eva did not come with the family to Villa Guerrero. She said she would arrive later in a few weeks since a friend from uni named Lucía Borges had invited her to their winery and vineyard in La Rioja, Spain. Valentina was a bit envious that Eva was finally allowed to travel the world with her friend. She hoped that she and Juliana could do that too. But she doubted that Eva and Lucía had a place as special as the flower fields like she and Juliana did.

During mid-afternoon, Valentina awaited Juliana by the lavender fields-- the new expansion of the Carvajal flower plantation. Juliana got a summer job as a shop attendant in the new pastry store called _Pastelería Joya_ somewhere in the town's plaza. She knew her friend would be exhausted from work and the long walk from the plaza to the plantation that was why she brought some delicious food for her. The girls were always finding ways to surprise and give each other gifts. They liked making each other smile with their little warmhearted deeds. Valentina daintily laid down a picnic blanket in a small clearing among the lavender plants. She sat cross-legged on the ground, put her hair up in a pony tail and took out the containers with  _tamales_ from her bag. The breeze cooled the back of her neck and she relished that sensation. She waited patiently and basked in charm of the fresh blooms. The aroma of the food made her hungry again, but she held off her craving for a bit so she and her best friend can enjoy it together.

Meanwhile, Juliana walked stealthily in the fields. She wanted to catch Valentina off guard so she could take a candid photo of her. As usual, Valentina was taken away by her thoughts. She did not notice her friend until she was just a few meters away calling out her name.

"Val!"

As soon as the blue-eyed girl saw her and smiled, Juliana pressed the shutter of the camera and took a photo of the beautiful girl. Noticing that there was a piece of paper coming out of the camera, Valentina stood up in excitement as she recognized that Juliana had a similar Polaroid camera to what Thelma and Louise had in the movie.

"Is that what I think it is?"

Juliana walked towards her friend and shook the film until the image began to gradually develop. The pair looked at it in awe as the film revealed an image of Valentina beaming amongst the strew of exquisite lavenders around her.

“Let’s do one like Thelma and Louise!” The taller girl encouraged. Valentina slung her arms around Juliana shoulder and brought her face close towards her friend's. The photographer adjusted the settings of the camera, extended her arm as far as she could and pointed it to their face. The girls gleefully awaited for an image to develop.

“ _¡Qué Linda!_ ” Valentina exclaimed seeing how cute they looked together. The shot was very closeup. Valentina's eyes were as blue as the tiny backdrop of the skies and Juliana's, on the other hand, illuminated a rich auburn color as she did not shield her gaze from the rays of the sun. Seeing how much her best friend adored the snap, Juliana gave it to Valentina.

"You can have that one."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course."

" _Gracias,_ Juls. Have I told you I missed you so much?" Valentina enveloped the shorter girl in a tight embrace, gave a quick peck on her cheek and jumped on her. As the pair tumbled down to the ground, they exploded into fits of laughter. Valentina liked hugging Juliana because she always smelled good. This time however, Juliana smelled like freshly baked bread and cinnamon on account that she worked in a pastry shop-- not that she was complaining. The girls feasted on the _tamales_ as they caught up with each other's lives.

"Did you really cook this? This is sooo good!" Juliana pried with a mouthful of  _tamales._

"I did but I had some help from Silvina." Valentina confessed. "But at least we don't have to pretend we're eating good food with our leaves and mud concoctions anymore." She remembered the "cooking sessions" they had as kids and it made her chuckle.

After indulging in the tasty _tamales_ , the girls basked in their aimless afternoon dreaming. The girls laid down on the ground and held hands. Juliana took a stalk of the lavender plant and crushed the flower on her palms. She hovered over Valentina, brought it close to her friend’s nose and told her that the scent of lavender calmed people down. Perhaps she did not need the essence of lavender when Juliana had the same effect on her too. The pair could only hear the rustling of leaves and the occasional chirps of the birds fluttering above them. There was beauty in the silence with the earth-- whimsical, even rhythmical. They stood still and felt the earth move around them. Juliana gazed at the clouds drifting above them and construed the different jagged shapes into something familiar-- shapes like that of a shoe, a guitar, a galloping horse. Valentina had her eyes closed imagining something else.

“Juls?”

“Yeah?”

“When we grow older, let’s run away and have a road trip.”

“Like Thelma and Louise?” _Of course they had to be like them_ , Juliana thought.

“Mmhmm. Two of us on the run!” Valentina raised their hands entwined together up in the air.

Valentina was already thinking about the playlist she would make. She thought about their great escape like a movie. If they were to have a grand road trip that would feel like a movie, it would have to have an awesome soundtrack to amplify the emotions of their adventure. She thought about the places they would want to visit. She had asked her father León about his favorite places in Mexico for he was an avid traveler himself in his youth. He did a road trip around Mexico alone when he was in his 20's. He drove a Volkswagen van, a 1966 Deluxe Station Wagon. León laughed and said a person could outrun the wagon with how fast the cars were these days. He liked it because he could take in the scenery without having to go too fast. He thought the VW van was cool as he rode in retro style back in the 80's. He told Valentina about the incredible Mayan ruins in Tulum, the colonial city of Izamal where all the building were all splashed with the color of yellow, the beautiful cerulean blue beaches in the coast, the repository of Mexico's history and culture in the big city of Guadalajara and Mérida, and among everything, her father's favorite place was Oaxaca not only because of the charm and natural beauty of the town, but because it was where he and their mother first met. Valentina relayed this amazing story to her best friend who seemed just as thrilled at the idea as she was.

“Let’s do it! But let's leave out the 'Thelma and Louise' murder.” The girl with sun-kissed skin joked.

“ _Chiqui,_ it’s not murder. It’s self-defense. Eva says so.”

“She has a point. Louise was definitely defending Thelma from those disgusting men. Even JD was disgusting. And I mean, men are just…” Juliana shuddered and Valentina laughed. The men in the film irked her.

“But even if it did include me committing murder…” Valentina sarcastically spoke.

“Val, it would be an honor to defend your honor. To the ends of the earth, right?”

“You gave me your word. You better be around when I need an escape!” Valentina could not imagine a life when she did not have Juliana around. Life with Juliana, although sometimes mundane as their aimless afternoon talks and dreaming, always seemed like a magnificent movie to her.

"Who says I won't be with you in your misadventures too?" Juliana quipped.

Valentina laid on her side squeezed her friend's cheek as she always did when she was smitten by her best friend.  Juliana could smell the residue of the lavender flowers transferred on her friend's palms as she crushed them before they held hands. While Juliana was lingering on Valentina's beautiful blue eyes, she swore a drop of rain fell on her forehead. The lone raindrop suddenly trickled into a light shower. The girls erratically packed up their belongings-- Juliana tucking away the Polaroid camera carefully inside her backpack.

“ _¡Vamonos!_ ” Valentina seized Juliana by the hand and the girls ran towards the Carvajal mansion for shelter. Whilst running, Juliana wondered how the skies that were so blue would also carry with it clouds with a downpour of rain. She remembered the sunshower phenomenon in one of her science classes-- how it could rain even at the sight of a sun fully shining above the sky. She was fascinated by it-- it was some sort of miracle to her, like a wonderful magic of fire and rain existing together. Meanwhile, Valentina who was leading the way, kept on laughing all the throughout their dash. Their feet splashed puddles along the way and their shoes were already muddy. Juliana adored the sound of Valentina’s laughter. It was infectious. They were almost at the foot of the hill when Valentina slowed her pace. She was not running anymore and turned to look at Juliana.

“Why did you stop? Keep going. We're almost there!” The shorter girl urged.

Valentina looked Juliana in the eye, tucked her dark rain-slicked tresses behind her ear and kissed her tenderly on the cheek. Juliana felt Valentina's lips linger on her cheek for a bit. It was longer than usual. She felt as if time had stood still.

“I’ll race you to the top!” Valentina suddenly exclaimed and yet, it was not enough to break Juliana out of her trance.

Juliana was shaken by the kiss. She felt lightheaded, dizzy, ecstatic but also confused. She felt her heart racing. Valentina used to give her cheek kisses but this one felt a little bit different. She knew Thelma and Louise kissed at the end of the film, and perhaps Valentina wanted to imitate the scene. She probably did it so she could get a head start at their impromptu race. But did it mean something else too?

Valentina waited for Juliana by the fences on top of the hill. Juliana was breathless from trying to catch up as fast as she could running uphill-- or was she breathless from the kiss? She was not sure.

“ _¡Mi niñas!_ Come inside quickly before you get sick,” Silvina motioned for the pair as soon as she saw them from the back porch.

The girls sprinted for Valentina's bedroom to dry themselves off and have a change of clothes.

"Better luck next time, loser." Valentina joked as she grabbed a towel, patted Juliana's face and hair dry, and booped her nose. If she were honest, Juliana did not feel like a loser at all. She felt gleeful.

Valentina walked to her closet and threw a bunch of clothes on the bed for them to wear. Juliana could see Valentina from the corner of her eye slowly peeling off her soaked clothes. She turned away immediately feeling embarrassed that her friend might catch her looking. The shorter girl slipped into the clothes that Valentina lent her. She kept playing the kiss over and over inside her head like a broken record. She still had a phantom feeling of Valentina’s lips brushing her cheek. Juliana felt her heart flutter.

"You look great in my clothes!" Valentina complimented and gave her a wink from across the room. Juliana could only respond with a sheepish smile.

Juliana was shook from her delusions as Silvina knocked on the door. The woman brought the girls heaping cups of homemade _horchata_. She specially made them hot so the girls could warm themselves up after running through the cold rain. They sipped on their _horchatas_ by the reading nook in silence. Even though Valentina was right in front of her, Juliana's mind was still unabashedly replaying the kiss.

Valentina stared blankly outside the window. She swished the rich vanilla and cinnamon taste in her mouth until her eyes grew wide and turned the color of deep ocean blue.

“Look!” Valentina excitedly cried as she laid her hand on Juliana’s bare knee. Juliana turned towards the direction Valentina was looking at. There was a rainbow igniting the late afternoon skies in a warmth of pink that transcended to a deep lavender. Valentina’s eyes were like sapphire gems in elation.

“Get the camera, Juls!”

Juliana hurriedly brought out the camera from her bag. Before taking a shot of the rainbow, she focused the camera on her delighted companion and captured a candid photo of a smiling Valentina.

“You’re always catching me off guard! I wasn’t ready to pose!”

“You don’t need to, Val. You look beautiful as you are.”

Juliana then took a photo of the rainbow outside as her companion observed her. The image developed right in front of them-- the rainbow appeared vague in the photograph. The colors were faint but were still recognizable. Valentina thought it looked cool and artistic. The girl’s eyes were the color of the heavens. Every hue, every shade, every beautiful word that meant to describe the skies. When Juliana first met Valentina, her eyes were the color of the skies and the sea. They blazed like sapphire gems whenever she was excited-- like she was now. This was how Juliana knew what Valentina felt without a word escaping her mouth. Her eyes almost always spoke to her.

Juliana laid her hand palm up on top of Valentina's knee. Like a tacit language that only the two girls understood, Valentina immediately intertwined her fingers with Juliana's. The girl with sun-kissed skin could not take her eyes off of Valentina. Those eyes. Those eyes that she would never say no to, never deny, never have any rival its beauty-- not even the stunning spectacle of the heavens after the sunshower and the teeming rain could be more beautiful. She took a generous swig of her warm _horchata_ to relieve the heaviness in her chest. She felt like she was riding off into the cliff like Thelma and Louise. Letting herself go, Juliana gently brought Valentina's hand to her lips, as if to return the favor for the kiss in the rain. The blue eyes gazed back at her lovingly. In that moment, Juliana desperately wanted to call Valentina, _mi cielo._ But she held her breath and whispered it like a wish to the heavens instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thelma and Louise is a nod to the general theme of this fic. If you haven't seen that film, I highly recommend it. It's one of my faves. (Eva ghostwrote this)
> 
> And if you're also thinking that the colors at the ending were intentional metaphors and symbolism (the pinks and lavenders *cough bisexual flag* and rainbows *cough gayyy*-- the blues as heavens). Yes, you are right. You get an A+ in your literary criticism skillz.


	6. Mirame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Carvajal family talks about Valentina having her quinceañera in a few months-- which she absolutely dreads because she can't dance to save her life. Valentina tells Juliana about this and the two have a fascinating exchange that leads Juliana attempting to charm her best friend by teaching her to dance-- which backfires on her because Valentina ends up charming her instead. Juliana is a manic baby wlw constantly overwhelmed by her own gay, and Valentina is so touchy and sweet that it doesn't help their cause AT ALL.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been waiting to write this chapter ever since I began this fic so I'm glad I get to finally share this.
> 
> There's a part in this chapter where y'all may be overwhelmed with the gay (like Juliana). And please play this song in the background as you're reading it. For the extra feels ;)
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSSIV_IRzuY
> 
> P.S. This is the longest chapter so far. Almost 5k. Because I got carried away. And you'll know why later on. ;)

**11 July 2008**

_Pastelería Joya_ was one of the new establishments in Villa Guerrero that the locals frequented brought about by the sudden economic boom in the small town. It was an instant hit with the townsfolk because it offered so many pastry choices that they were not used to having before. From their cheesy _almojábanas,_ sweet and crispy _conchas_ , and flaky and buttery _campechanas,_ the delectable aroma of their freshly baked breads was sure to entice anyone who passed by the storefront of the quaint shop to buy a piece of pastry or two even if they did not intend to. The packed breads were all neatly displayed on the modest shelves on the side of the shop. The display of pastries by the counter were well lit as if it was intentional for it to tempt every customer coming and going. It was a place that delighted and heightened one’s senses from every bread and pastry’s appetizing look, exquisite smell and scrumptious taste. It was a wonderland for anyone who loved bread or even someone who had a sweet tooth. Lucky for Juliana, she was was working part-time as a shop attendant in _Pastelería Joya_ in the plaza.

The owner of _Pastelería Joya_ was an _abuelita_ named Perlita. She moved from Guadalajara to the small town of Villa Guerrero for retirement. The old woman was so accustomed to working in her pastry shop back in Guadalajara for decades that she felt restless with the idle life of being a retiree. She was not used to being sedentary. To keep herself busy again, Perlita revived _Pastelería Joya_ in the small town. When it first opened its doors, Juliana hung out daily at the shop after school but rarely bought pastries. Perlita often wondered why the young girl would only buy a slice of _yo-yo_ with pineapple filling or a piece of _pan de huevo_. She ate her food sparingly like an ant while sketching various things about the shop or reading a novel until it closed for the day. Juliana bought single pieces of pastries at a time because that was what she could only afford. Customers came and went but the young girl remained a constant figure in the shop, still seated in a corner seemingly in her own world. Juliana spent much of time there because she adored the artistic interiors of the shop. Perlita's daughter, who was an architect and interior designer based in Guadalajara, laid out the plan for her mother's pastry shop. The shop's vibe was an astonishing combination of modern design and Aztec aesthetics. However, the kitchen was still rustic. It was a shop that served traditional Mexican pastries after all. Lupita got mad when she found out Juliana was wasting her afternoons away in the pastry shop. She thought it was embarrassing for her daughter to be hanging out in the shop purchasing only one good or sometimes she would not purchase any at all as she let the whole day pass by. In her mother’s fit of anger, she said that Juliana might as well get a job in the shop if she was going to spend so much time there. Juliana thought it was actually a good idea. She would not have to ask her mother in hesitance to buy her the things she wanted-- her art materials, her books or perhaps she could save up for a cellphone. Most of her classmates had one and she was envious of them. When the young girl approached Perlita of wanting to take up menial work for the shop, the old woman was a bit apprehensive hiring her because she was young. But the young lady was adamant and persuasive. She seemed to have a zest for the shop so she eventually caved in to Juliana’s wishes. Although she only had to do menial tasks, Juliana liked it because she had to be in such a pretty place. She swept the floors and cleaned the tables. She also helped Perlita pack the pastries in tiny bags that customers bought, but she was not allowed to help in the baking process. Perlita had other baking assistants for that. However, the young girl would come to the shop earlier than her shift because she enjoyed watching them make pastries.

There are days when Valentina would wait for Juliana until she finished her shift in the pastry shop. It was how they hung out because Juliana could not frequent the flower fields as much as before. During the times she waited, Valentina would bring her sketchbook and other art materials with her. The young artist transcended from solely drawing flowers to painting realistic images. Over the years, she developed her skill and she produced amazing works. Valentina was warm and quirky. She would bring the owner of the shop some flowers from the farm to decorate her shop-- and perhaps to appease her since there were moments in the day when she was the only customer but it felt like she and Juliana filled up the whole store with their stories, ruminations, and laughter. Perlita immediately took a great liking for the blue-eyed girl, and it was very apparent to her why she and Juliana were such good pals. The old woman adored the two girls’ friendship. When the shop was not too busy, the old woman would indulge Valentina in conversation and had even let her make a sketch of her once, got it framed, and hung it by the store's counter. But there was no one she liked drawing more than her best friend. Valentina would sketch and paint Juliana's likeness while waiting for her. By the time summer would end, her sketchbook would have been filled with artworks of Juliana.

“Look, Juls. This is you!” Valentina called out to Juliana while she was lining up the shelves with packs of freshly baked _pan de huevos_. The artist held up her umpteenth painting of Juliana proudly from her corner in the store-- as if it was the first time she had drawn an image of the girl with sun-kissed skin. On the piece of paper was a sketch of Juliana wearing her tiny apron and holding up a tray of baked breads. It seemed cartoonish since Valentina was still developing her own style. "I even got your long lashes right this time." She winked at her friend.

“Val, why do you like drawing me?” Juliana approached Valentina’s corner to have a closer look. There was a tone of exasperation that escaped her but she did not fully mean it. She was not annoyed by it, far from it actually. She just really felt curious as to why her friend took all the time to observe her and immortalize her likeness into paper very often.

“Because you’re beautiful.” Valentina plainly spoke as a matter of fact. She had always said that phrase to her friend. It was said that when one uttered the same thing over and over again, it lost its meaning. The cadence of it being truthful and genuine was not so remarkable as the first utterance. But for Valentina, it did not. The more she said, the more she knew in her heart for it to be true. From the first time she met Juliana, she thought she was the most beautiful girl she had ever seen. It had not waned on her after all these years.

“ _Abuelita!_ ” Valentina called the shop owner’s attention, “Isn’t Juls very beautiful?”

“ _Ella es preciosa!”_ The old woman responded with a big smile on her face as she stowed away paper bags behind the counter.

“See? She agrees.” The blue-eyed girl took Juliana's hand, squeezed and swung it.

Juliana was not used to getting attention. When she did, she did not know what to do with herself. She flung her apron to hide her face, to conceal the feeling of warmth rushing to her face. Her best friend called her beautiful very often but ever since her realization with that kiss in the rain, she could not look at Valentina the same anymore.

“Stop hiding your pretty face, _cariño mío_.” Valentina wrapped her arms around Juliana's waist as she rested her chin on the shorter girl's shoulder. She got a whiff of Juliantina's scent. She smelled of baked bread with a hint of her own perfume of cherry blossoms.

Juliana blushed even more. She knew her best friend was very affectionate. Valentina loved to give hugs, hold hands, give cheek kisses and call her by terms of endearment. But now, she could not help but wish for Valentina's affections to be more than just friendly.

 

* * *

 

“I don’t want to grow the fuck up if being a 'woman' means dancing and embarrassing myself in those tacky and puffy dresses in front of people I don’t know!” Valentina protested, crossing her arms in resentment at the thought of having a _quinceañera_. The young girl who usually had a soft-spoken and jolly demeanor suddenly had a defiant air about her.

“Language, _mija!_ ” León warned his youngest daughter.

At Eva's first night back in Villa Guerrero after her trip with Lucía at their vineyards in Spain, the Carvajals had a _sobremesa_ about young Valentina’s _quinceañera_ happening in the coming year. Eva suggested that they plan for it ahead to have everything run smoothly-- on account that the nerd within her loved organizing parties and events. The typical calm in the household was broken with the young Carvajal’s unexpected dissent on tradition. Valentina did not want a _quinceañera_. She tried visualizing herself donned in a huge ball gown dancing in front of many people, most of whom she did not know. These strangers would only be invited to the celebration because they were part of her father’s inner circle, the Mexican aristocrats associated with their businesses. If she did know them, they were far-away relatives whom she met once or twice-- and never again. She would have to smile at them awkwardly, and she was not sure that she could have a plastered fake smile for the rest of her _quince_ before she could give up.  What disconcerted her even more than the unwanted attention was the idea of dancing. It did not matter if she was dancing with boys or with girls. She could not fathom it. She dreaded the attention, and she dreaded it more knowing the attention would be drawn to her two left feet.

“Vale, it’s important that you have your _quince._ Not everyone has the privilege to have it. Let alone have a celebration that would be as grand as yours.” Eva argued. It would be certain for their father to pull all the stops to give Valentina the most grandiose birthday celebration-- more so, because it would be something as significant as her  _quinceañera_.

“Why? Everything about it is just so stressful, so overrated so... cliché.” Valentina rolled her eyes and threw her arms up in hysterics. She wanted to opt out of it because she could not dance even if her life depended on it. Almost five years ago in Eva’s _quinceañera_ , Valentina was left out of her older sister’s Court of Honor because she kept screwing up the choreography. The older girl wanted everything to go seamlessly without any mishaps-- but the then ten-year old Valentina certainly was a mishap. To be fair, it was not just a simple waltz. Eva wanted something that wowed her guests-- being the overachiever that she was. The younger girl was more relieved than hurt by her sister’s decision to take her out of the _damas_ if she had to be honest.

“It’s not a cliché. It’s an honorable tradition. I had it. _Mamá_ had it. _Abuelita_ had it. Every woman in this family has had it. ” Eva explained as a matter of fact. Valentina thought it was ludicrous that among all the people, Eva was the one pushing her to have her _quince._ She could vividly recall how many breakdowns her older sister had before and during her own _quince._ It was a roller coaster ride of tears and stress for Eva. Maybe she wanted Valentina to go through that same kind of hell too as payback.

Valentina stared blankly at her untouched apple pie. She loved apple pie. Dessert was her favorite course of the meal, but the discussion they were having made her lose her appetite. She could not get herself to look at anyone at the dinner table. She did not want to look at her father, and most certainly she did not want to look at her older sister who was shoving the idea of having a _quince_ down her throat.

“Maybe we could ask what type of celebration Vale wants for her fifteenth birthday instead? Perhaps an alternative to a _quince_?” Guillermo suggested, knowing that his sister was about to fall apart from being coerced by Eva and their father. The two siblings gave each other knowing looks. Valentina gave her brother a nod, appreciating the usually silent boy for putting himself in the heated crossfire. Guillermo usually kept mum in family discussions, but he spoke up because he did not like seeing his younger sister in the verge of tears.

“I just want a simple celebration. Can’t we just go for dinner at _Cuchara_ , eat cake and get it over with?” _Cuchara_ was Valentina’s favorite restaurant. The restaurant was owned by her godfather, Camilo. Other people would have had waited months for a reservation but they only needed to make one call any time if they wished to get a table. That was one of the conveniences of being a Carvajal that Valentina relished.

“ _¡Ay, mija!_ That cannot be. Your _mamá_ had wanted _quinceañeras_ for you and Eva ever since you were born. Like what your _hermana_ said, this is an honorable tradition. No Carvajal woman has ever skipped this. And you, most certainly will not!” León asserted with finality.  “You’re a Carvajal. What would other people think if you didn’t have a  _quince_?”

 _A Carvajal_.

The phrase resounded in the young girl’s mind.

_What would other people think?_

There were times that Valentina detested being a Carvajal. It was not because she loathed her family, but rather, it was because there was an inescapable association with having pride in the wealth and power that hung over their name. They had a constant image to uphold. She did not like the expectations that were entailed in being a Carvajal. She knew she was not a woman yet. She was aware that celebrating a _quinceañera_ will not magically turn her into a woman. She was still young. She just wanted to be herself. She just wanted to be Valentina.

“If you’re not going to do it for yourself, at least do it for _mamá_.” Eva knew Valentina’s weakness. They lost their mother when Valentina was just five years old. Everyone thought Valentina was her mother’s reincarnation. Everything about Valentina echoed the Carvajal matriarch-- from her grace, intellect and beauty, the gentleness in her voice, the constant happiness that filled the room whenever she was around. Valentina had spent the least time with her mother among her siblings. Perhaps that was the reason she held on to her mother dearly. She wanted to make up for all the years she never got with her mother by trying to be a fraction of the amazing woman that her mother was. Valentina waved her white flag knowing she had no choice.

 

* * *

 

**12 July 2008**

The day after Valentina had the intense conversation with her family about her _quinceañera_ , she sauntered to the pastry shop with a grim look on her face. Upon seeing her, Juliana asked Perlita if she could take a quick break since there were not a lot of customers yet. As soon as she got permission, she rushed out of the counter to meet her best friend.

“Val, what's wrong? What happened?”

Valentina did not answer. She just plopped herself on her favorite corner seat and put her head on the table. She did not even remove her tiny bag full of her art stuff hanging from her shoulder. She looked restless and pallid. Juliana was certainly worried about her friend.

“I’ll get you something, ok? Stay put.”

In a few moments, Juliana appeared back from the kitchen with a heaping cup of _champurrado_ and a couple of pieces of _pan dulce._ Seeing the treats, Valentina’s frown immediately turned into a smile.

“Why do you always know how to make me smile? _Te quiero, mi amor._ ” Valentina made a satisfied sound while heartily dipping the bread into her chocolate drink. Juliana was not sure if Valentina was talking to her or the treats in front of her. Valentina absolutely had a sweet tooth, and she knew this.

“I made the _champurrado_ myself. _Abuelita_ taught me how to.” Juliana proudly proclaimed as she watched her friend merrily feasting on the sweet treats. Valentina even forcefully fed her some telling her how good they were-- and also, perhaps to digress to the main topic of why she was not feeling herself that afternoon.

“So won’t you now tell me why you came marching over here with a rain cloud above your head?” Juliana asked while chewing the piece of _champurrado-_ dipped piece of bread that Valentina fed her.

“ _Papá_ and Eva want me to have a _quinceañera._ ” Valentina spoke with a mouthful of bread.

“That’s great then! So what’s the plan?” Juliana breathed out a sigh of relief. She thought someone had died by the look on her friend's face when she entered the shop. She was glad that it was actually good news. Funny enough, the two girls never talked about having _quinces_ ever since they were kids. Juliana never talked about it because she knew her mother could not afford one. In addition, she was a tomboyish child and did not find any charm to all the fanfare of the tradition. Dresses and dances with boys? _No, thank you,_ she said. But she never knew why Valentina did not talk about having a _quince_ when practically every girl she knew looked forward to having theirs.

“Great? There’s nothing great about it. It’s going to be horrific-- a train-wreck I tell you!” The dramatic Valentina stopped eating. Her hearty smile for the sweet treats dissipated.

“Is that the theme you're going for? Horrific and a train-wreck?” Juliana attempted to make her friend laugh by teasing her but she fell flat on her face.

“Juliana, please. Don’t even begin.” The defeated tone in Valentina’s voice was palpable.

" _Chiqui..._ " Juliana grasped for her friend's hands across the table. She did not know how to console her. All she knew was that she could not stand seeing her best friend that sad. If Valentina was on the verge of tears, Juliana would be on the verge of tears too. She gazed at Valentina's eyes and they were not the vibrant blue color that she always saw. Her eyes looked as if a storm was about to come-- they seemed almost gray.

“Will you come to my _quince,_ at least? You’ll be a part of my _damas_.” Valentina hoped for a consolation.

The beautiful eyes of Valentina would usually not let her say no. But Juliana was being realistic. She would have to say something her best friend would not want to hear. And it broke her own heart to say it.

“You know I can’t. Mexico City is far away, Val. I have school. Plus, I won’t be able to rehearse the dances with you even if I really want to... Even if I say yes.”

“I’ll pay for everything. I’ll fly you in whenever we need to rehearse. I’ll get you a dress, give you a place to stay in and I’ll…”

“No, Val." Juliana interrupted her friend. "I can’t accept that. That’s too much. Even for a _quince._ ” Juliana knew that for most traditional Mexicans, having a _quinceañera_ was a huge deal. But for Juliana, there were so many moments yet to happen between her and her best friend that would be more important than Valentina's _quince._

“So you’ll let me suffer this ordeal with Eva alone?” Valentina was trying to make her friend pity her and cave in to saying yes. “Come on, Juls! Eva threw me out of her _damas_ in her own  _quince_ before because I can’t follow the steps to that stupid _vals_ , and she said I would only embarrass her with my two left feet.”

“Wait. You don’t want to have a _quince_ because you don’t know how to dance?” Juliana sounded as if she had a Eureka! moment. She remembered Valentina telling her about the time she felt so embarrassed during Eva's _quinceañera_ , how she dreaded the rehearsals and how much her feet hurt from dancing because her older sister wanted everything to be perfect.

“Not only that… but… but..” Valentina stammered for words. The way the girl stumbled for anything to say after the thought of having a dance gave her away.

"Val's _vals_. Your name is just like the dance." Juliana laughed at her own pun. “If that's what you're worried about. Here, I’ll teach you.” Juliana offered her hand to Valentina.

"Right now?"

Juliana just nodded with a smile on her face.

“It’s embarrassing! What if people suddenly come in? _Por favor..._ ” Valentina tugged on Juliana’s apron.

“Since when have you been ashamed of anything? Come on, Val!” Juliana encouraged as she removed her hairnet and the tie holding up her ponytail. “You'll be ok. Now come on!” The girl with sun-kissed skin shook her hair and extended her hand once more. Valentina ogled at Juliana for a moment, seeing how stunning her best friend was with her hair down. Valentina could hardly speak a word moments ago. Now she was left even more speechless. She willingly gave her hand to her beautiful companion and the shorter girl led her to the middle of the shop.

“I love this song! This is perfect.” Juliana exclaimed. The shop’s radio was playing an instrumental guitar version of Selena’s Dreaming of You. Juliana placed Valentina’s right hand on her shoulder and held the other.

“Ok, let’s start with something easy. We’re moving side to side. It’s step-close, step-close.” Juliana demonstrated the move sliding her feet back and forth, side to side at a time. “Begin with your right foot. Ready?”

Valentina did as she was instructed, avoiding having to step on Juliana’s feet.

“See, you’re doing it!”

“I am, aren’t I? Valentina did not take off her eyes at their feet. Her heart was still rapidly beating, nervous at how she might look stupid while dancing. Her partner felt her stiffness, as if her movements were quite robotic.

"You have to loosen yourself up, feel the music." Juliana went from resting a hand on Valentina's waist to slipping her arm to the small of her partner's back. The space between them was narrower. Valentina could feel Juliana's hips move in time with the music. She tried to imitate her and let herself go. She smiled to herself at how Juliana made it look so easy, how she knew how to always calm her down-- how nice it was to be held in her arms.

“Now give me a twirl!” Juliana enticed. Valentina spun out of the hold slowly and the two girls giggled. She spun back and eased into Juliana’s arms.

“But when you’re dancing like this,” the two girls stopped for a moment as Juliana instructed once more, “you have to look your partner in the eye.” Juliana closed the gap between her and Valentina, pulling her in even more. The shorter girl gently kissed the blue-eyed girl’s hand, urging her to look back at her. Her lips lingered a bit longer than she intended on her partner's hand.

“ _Mirame._ ”

Juliana shocked herself with her boldness to take this initiative with Valentina. As soon as the girl with blue eyes held her gaze, she felt weak in the knees. Her plan to charm her best friend backfired on her. She was the one being charmed by her best friend as Valentina began singing along without breaking eye contact with Juliana-- as if she were singing the lyrics to her.

> _And I wish on a star  
>  _ _That somewhere you are thinking of me too_

Even though Juliana was the one teaching her best friend how to dance, she was trying so hard not to step on Valentina’s foot because of how nervous she suddenly got. Unbeknownst to her, Valentina began singing because she was nervous too. The two girls swayed to the music and the whole world seemed to fall away. They were in their own. Just the two of them.

> _'Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight  
>  _ _'Til tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight_

Valentina had an incredible singing voice. Juliana had always known this, but was still absolutely mesmerized. Was she serenading her? Was she meaning to tell these words to her? Juliana could only hope. She distanced her body from Valentina a bit, afraid that she would feel how rapidly her heart was beating. But the taller girl was heeding every instruction that Juliana gave. She closed the distance between them, feeling the music and moving along to how her partner swayed her hips. She continued singing the song.

> _If you looked in my eyes  
>  _ _Would you see what's inside?_

Juliana looked away. If she had to look at Valentina for another second, she would collapse on her feet. But Valentina mimicked her as she brushed her thumb on Juliana’s chin dimple, “ _Mirame?”_ The girl with blue eyes smiled when Juliana met her gaze again. Valentina adored Juliana's big bright eyes and her long lashes. She was even more captivated by the fact that Juliana was effortlessly breathtaking-- and yet, she seemed to be the only one who did not know. Or at least she did not believe it. Valentina's face was so close to hers that Juliana could almost taste her breath.

> _So I wait for the day, and the courage to say  
>  _ _How much I love you_

Juliana gazed at Valentina’s lips and bit her own. She wondered many times last night how it felt to kiss another person-- no, not just another person. But this one person she seemed to really really like. The girls in her school were always enthralled getting their first kiss and how much it meant to them that the boys they had crushes on liked them back. She never did understand them. It was not exciting for her to be kissed by a boy, let alone to be adored by one. It horrified her if she had to be honest. But last night as she laid in bed, she entertained the idea of kissing Valentina-- not just on the cheek as they usually do, but on the lips. Her heart soared at the thought but almost immediately sank knowing that Valentina probably would not feel the same way towards her. A girl liking another girl?  And did she know other girls who liked girls in real life? Many people thought it to be wrong. Juliana thought how could it be wrong if it was something that made her heart fill with glee, that made her hope and that made her feel even more alive? Juliana shut her eyes to shake herself off from her delusion.

Exactly as the song finished, a bunch of customers had entered the shop. Juliana rushed back to the counter and heaved a sigh of relief. Valentina went back to her corner and gazed at her best friend assisting the customers by the counter. The girl with sun-kissed skin put her hair up in a ponytail once more and slung a hairnet over her head. What was it about her friend that seemed odd that afternoon? Juliana put on a smile, greeted and thanked the customers as they left and then started taking the orders of the next one. Valentina took a generous sip of her chocolate drink and beamed into its sweetness. Juliana made an incredible cup of _champurrado_ for her _._ Meanwhile, Juliana caught Valentina staring at her. The girl sheepishly smiled back at her briefly before the customer started pointing out another piece of pastry on the display shelf. Even when the song has long finished, the melody and the words were still stuck inside Valentina's head-- not because she wanted to commit to memory that it was her best friend's favorite song, but it might actually resonate what her heart was feeling. With how she might actually feel for her best friend. Valentina hummed the song to herself. She clasped her hands together and brought it close to her lips, close to where Juliana had kissed her hand as they swayed their bodies close in unison. She took a deep breath and shut her eyes. She knew who she would be dreaming of tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it would be now apt to use OITNB's Pennsatucky gif when she said "They're lesbianing together" lol


	7. Stargazers Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eva and Valentina are left in the Carvajal mansion together for the weekend as León and Guillermo head to California for an event. Juliana is invited for a sleepover for the first time. A supposed fun night turns awry as the girls get into a good 'ol sibling rivalry. Juliana gets in on the fun and gets in Eva's bad side. To escape Eva's wrath, the girls wallow in their secret place in the flower fields at night gazing at stars instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Background music for the star gazing scene:  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/5lCH2LHvslAdsp7KkanoAh?si=_E1ZQRmgQh6KmQOG7TtI3Q

**27 July 2008**

The Carvajals were supposed to go to San Francisco, California that weekend for the opening of their _tio_ Camilo’s new branch of _Cuchara_ in the Mission District. In an act of rebellion for being coerced to have a _quinceañera,_ Valentina decided not go with her family. Having to decline another important event exasperated her father even more. León understood how angsty teenagers could get. He had all three of his children going through that phase at the same time. He would not know what to do without the help of the Carvajal house staff raising the turbulent teen trio. The eldest daughter was a perfectionist who quickly got defeated at the face of failure. She would spend most of her time brooding and being inconsolable. The middle child got into plenty of dumb fights with the other boys at school. It was a shock to all of them considering he was a silent and shy young man. However, he had a tendency to run with the wrong crowd on the instances that he tried being sociable instead of choosing his solitude. The youngest… well, the youngest was something else altogether. Among the Carvajal children, Valentina was the one who disobeyed their father most often. The free-spirited Valentina always marched to the beat of her own drum. León would only say one word to Eva and Guillermo, and the two were sure to comply easily. But with Valentina, one should be prepared with a sweepingly convincing and emotional speech to persuade her if one ought to change her mind-- which was not very often. If she did change her mind about things, it would have to be something life-altering, how it would shake the beliefs she steadfastly held. In spite of her stubbornness, Valentina was sweet and endearing. She forgave and forgot readily which was sometimes a detriment more than a strength for her. León once again repeated his antagonizing sermon on being _a Carvajal_ and worrying what other people thought if she did not go to her godfather’s restaurant opening. This was only met with a sarcastic retort as she said, _Why do I need to eat at Cuchara in Cali when there’s already one here in Mexico?_  No matter what León said, Valentina was resolute with her decision. He surrendered and let his youngest stay behind in Mexico.

Valentina’s act of rebellion seemed like a good idea until León made Eva stay behind in Mexico so someone could look after her. Eva would be left in charge. The two girls were in hysterics. Eva was just as livid as Valentina. Being stuck together for the whole weekend felt like prison to both of them. Eva wanted to go to California. The two young ladies argued that Silvina was more than capable of looking after the youngest. However, León knew that Silvina could never say no to the wishes of the _princesita_ \-- whether it was her going out partying the night away or throwing the party at their house in Mexico City, Silvina spoiled Valentina like she was her own grandchild. León was very strict with his children as he was constantly worried about their safety and anyone wanting to take advantage of them. Little did he know that his children had a tacit agreement with each other. Even though the Carvajal girls were like day and night and quarreled often, the two knew some of each other’s secrets, misadventures, and the ridiculous things that they did on their own; they never told on each other. For that night, Eva did not mind whatever Valentina wanted to do just as long as the younger lady did not bother her with her phone calls with Lucía. It was a fair and easy agreement, Valentina thought.

Meanwhile, Juliana had to do overtime in the pastry shop that day because Perlita needed extra hands for a big order that came in for a catering that day. All day she could only think about finishing work and having a sleepover at the Carvajal mansion. From all the years that Juliana knew Valentina, she was not allowed to sleep over even though León was kind towards his daughter’s best friend. He was always full of praises for the smart and polite young girl whenever he saw her around. He was even glad to know that Juliana took up a summer job at the pastry shop. He said he saw his younger self in her because she had an admirable work ethic even at a young age. This spurred a long story-telling of how León's _abuelo_ brought him wherever he worked as training for when he inherited their businesses. León always thought of Juliana as a good influence to Valentina, not like her friends in Mexico City. Although he applauded Juliana, sleepovers were not part of the niceties he extended. It was just his rules. If it was a rule for one of the children, it was a rule for all. That night, Valentina found a way around it knowing that his father was not around. That was why she hurried to the pastry shop yesterday to tell her best friend. Juliana arrived to the Carvajal mansion exhausted from work but in high spirits. She was greeted by Valentina at the front door with her signature leaping embrace-- as if she did not see her best friend for years. Juliana willingly sunk into her hold. She burned from within, with every touch, no matter how minute Valentina's hold on her was.

“Have you had dinner yet? I can ask Silvina to fix you something nice.” Valentina offered while picking on the grapes displayed on the fruit bowl on the middle of the kitchen counter.

“No, thanks. _Abuelita_ made dinner for me. She felt bad for letting me stay longer than I should have.” Juliana explained as she plopped herself on one of the bar stools and spun around. “Do you have room for dessert though?” Juliana teased Valentina as she brought out a container from her duffel bag and presented Valentina with a treat that she knew she would love. The blue-eyed girl jumped out of her seat to open the surprise.

“ _Tres leches_ and _orejas_ ! You are seriously the best, Juls. You know that?” She threw her arms around Juliana and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Sometimes, Perlita would graciously let Juliana take home some of the sweets and pastries they did not sell for the day. Tonight, she brought home a bag of _orejas_ . They were a type of glazed, flaky pastry that appeared like two ears stuck together in a shape of a heart. It was sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar. She left half of the bag to her mom at home and brought the rest for when she came to see Valentina. The _tres leches_ was what she got for her friend since she got extra pay for the day.

“ _Mi corazon!”_ Valentina exclaimed as she raised a piece of _orejas_ and took a hefty bite. Again, when faced with any sweet, Juliana did not know if Valentina's declarations of love were for her or the pastries.

“Give this to Guille too.” Juliana handed another container with a slice of the scrumptious sponge cake. On days that Guillermo would spend the whole afternoon in the arcade, he would come check in on Valentina and order some snacks for himself at the pastry shop. The pastry shop was sort of Guillermo and Valentina's secret from Eva. Guillermo had always been kind towards Juliana-- unlike their older sister Eva.

“He’s going to love this! I’ll let him know you brought this for him.”  

As soon as Valentina opened the refrigerator to store the cake for Guillermo, Eva, who had finished her phone call with Lucía, swooped into the kitchen. Her eyes grew wide upon seeing the sweet delight in the hands of her younger sister.

“Oh great, your friend _Juanita_ brought some cake!” She snatched it from Valentina, looked for a fork and immediately feasted on it. Eva had the tendency to call Juliana by the wrong name. Knowing her older sister, Valentina was certain she was doing it intentionally to annoy her. She also knew that her older sister was not too fond of Juliana. Eva was condescending. She knew that her sister’s best friend was the daughter of one of their farmers in the plantation. The older Carvajal was suspicious of anyone who was not part of their ‘circle.’ She distrusted Juliana and thought the girl was freeloading from her younger sister.

“It’s actually for Gui…” Valentina was going to say but she was too late.

“You’re welcome.” Juliana interjected being the polite girl that she was. “I brought it to thank you for letting me sleep over.” The girl held Valentina’s tensed hand balled into a tight fist, as if to say it was ok for her older sister to have that slice.

“Do you girls want to watch something awesome?” The older girl said with a mouthful of cake.

The two girls looked at each other. Like telepathy, thinking it would be another classic film like Thelma and Louise, they began considering it. They were already pretty annoyed by their exchange with Eva, but they had a chance to possibly watch another great movie so they agreed to it with however with apprehension.

Eva munched blissfully on the _tres leches_ and cradled a huge bowl of freshly made butter popcorn as she led the way to the family room where they had a huge flat screen TV. The older girl placed the finished container of cake on the coffee table then plugged in a camcorder to the television. The two girls looked at each other in bewilderment as they splayed themselves on the carpet on the floor. The camcorder, as a remnant of the not-too-long-ago past, filled them even more with curiosity with what Eva wanted to show them. The older Carvajal plopped herself and the warm bowl of butter popcorn at the middle of the couch. She pressed play on the remote control and the duo braced themselves.

It was a home video of Eva's _quinceañera…_ to the younger girls’ dismay.

The video showed a year on the bottom right hand corner, 17 Agosto 2003. Eva was actually born on the 21st but they decided to celebrate it on a weekend instead.

“I thought we were going to watch something awesome? This is the total opposite of it.” Juliana complained to Valentina with her eyebrows scrunched together.

“Just go along. She’s allowing you to sleepover. Let her have this.” Valentina whispered, hoping her older sister did not hear her.

The video began with a boisterous emcee announcing the special 15th birthday of the eldest Carvajal. A roar of symphonic music blared from the sound system as the celebrant entered the venue riding a carriage drawn by two white horses. Juliana turned to Valentina with an annoyed look once more. She did not expect anything less dramatic with the older girl. The youngest Carvajal smirked with the same thought in mind-- that her sister had been too extra in her _quinceañera_. Juliana stared at Eva. The eldest Carvajal was proudly beaming, not removing her gaze from the flat screen TV. Eva and Valentina looked very much alike, but the older girl’s features were rather sharper. Eva had the same piercing blue eyes (but not as affable as Valentina’s), lustrous brown locks like that of a commercial model for a shampoo product, flawless complexion that may be tarnished even at the gentlest of touches, perfectly shaped rosy-red lips and a pointy nose like that of their father León’s. However, they had disparate personalities which made Juliana doubt how the two sisters could have grown and lived together under one roof. Guillermo and Valentina at least had the same good-natured, admirable traits.

In her _quince,_ Eva was wearing a big, puffy, off-shoulder pink ball gown. The top part of the dress was fitted perfectly and studded with shiny rock crystals (Swarovski crystals, Eva corrected), and the bottom of the dress ballooned with ruffles. She worshipped her own dress-- perhaps she worshipped herself wearing that dress, not the dress itself.

“Eva looked like a Disney princess.” Valentina whispered to Juliana. Her friend seemed disinterested as she stealthily stuffed her mouth with popcorn from Eva’s bowl. The older girl was too engrossed with herself to notice that Juliana kept munching away on the popcorn that she prepared (perhaps only for herself).

“More like a Disney villain.” Juliana mocked. The two girls giggled.

“This is not a laughing matter, you two idiots! You have to pay attention to this, Vale. You’ll have to make a creative grand entrance just like that.” The brashness in her tone was very apparent. The video showed her being ushered down the carriage by her main escort, her then-boyfriend Mateo Luna. Mateo was the youngest son of Mexico City's mayor. He was a dashing and promising young man who was on his way to study law in Yale University. Valentina always wondered why her older sister and Mateo broke up ever since she started studying in the US. She thought they were a perfect pair-- and mostly because he was the only guy she knew who had all the patience in the world to withstand Eva in her very frequent mood swings. She knew it was not about distance because Mateo tried to fly to New York frequently to come see her. Perhaps he finally broke and gave up on the highly-strung Eva? Valentina felt like it was something else that her sister did not want to divulge, nor was anyone else knowledgeable about it. She knew the reason for her sister's breakup was a secret, kept carefully under wraps. However, she did not know what the secret really was. She did not have the nerve to ask nor pry about it. The camera panned to Eva once more as she brushed away a lock on the side of her face, waved to her guests as she walked down her red carpet. She was putting on a demure and endearing facade, Valentina thought.

“Pay attention to the _vals_ later on.” The older Carvajal nudged her younger sister’s butt with her foot as the screen showed Eva and Mateo preparing for a dance in the middle of the hall. "I bet you can't do half of that routine!"

It had always occurred to Juliana that Valentina would have to have an escort for her _quinceañera_ \-- one who was just as incredibly handsome and who was from an illustrious background like Eva's escort was. She loathed the idea. She did not want to see her best friend dancing off with someone who was not her during her special day. But she knew how these traditions work: they would never in a millions years let her partner up with a girl-- more so with 'someone like her.' Most importantly, she did not have all the time in the world to practice with Valentina if she was part of her _quince_. Mexico City was far away from Villa Guerrero. A lump of bitterness and anguish formed in the back of her throat. She began to think that she might not be good enough for Valentina Carvajal. She forced a smile when Eva suddenly prodded for her attention.

“You know, Valentina couldn’t follow the steps to this dance." Eva pointed at the screen while talking to Juliana. "Look! She's like a scared chicken in the background!” Eva guffawed as the camera caught a glimpse of then ten-year old Valentina in the background reaching for the hem of her dress and covering her face with it.

“Are you going to have _quinceañera_ too, _Jacinta_?” Eva asked Juliana.

“It’s Juliana.” The girl finally corrected. “And no, I will not have a _quinceañera._ ”

“See, Vale? Not everyone is as LUCKY as YOU are to have a _quince._ ” The condescension on Eva’s tone resurfaced. Juliana was sure the older girl snorted and directed that disdain towards her.

“Actually, I’m choosing not to celebrate mine.” Juliana would have rolled her eyes in front of the older girl if she was not a polite guest. It took every ounce of her to be civil with Eva.

“Now is this why you don’t want to have yours, Vale? Because your friend, _Julieta_ ,  doesn’t want one?” Eva turned to Valentina who had already turned bright red from her sister humiliating her and insulting her friend repeatedly. Eva was totally asking for it.

 _Julieta._ Close enough, Juliana thought. She would have thrown a greasy kernel of popcorn on Eva's face every time she got her name wrong. Actually, she would have loved to dump the whole bowl of popcorn on top of her head. Juliana was on the verge of her irritation with Eva. But not Valentina. She had enough.

“Eva, her name is Juliana!" The sudden burst of rage in Valentina's voice surprised both Juliana and Eva. "And no, it’s my own decision. It was not her decision nor did she influence me in any way.” Valentina rose her to feet and turned angrily to her older sister. “Coming from someone getting an ivy league education, you would think names can come easy for you, but nooo, you have to be rude and dumb about it.”

“Say that again?” The older Carvajal rose to her feet too, meeting her younger sister in the eye.

“I said you’re a dumb bitch!” Valentina spoke louder. She nudged Juliana with her foot trying to get her attention. Her best friend was still picking on the bowl of popcorn. Seeing her older sister’s eyes flare with rage, Valentina seized Juliana’s arm and dashed for the door before Eva could get to them. The taller girl dragged her friend in the corridor but was halted all of a sudden.

“Wait. I forgot something.” Juliana said as the duo stood by the corridor.

“Don’t go back, Juls. I’m sure it will still be there tomo...”

Before Valentina could get the words out of her mouth, Juliana was stomping back to the family room to an infuriated Eva angrily throwing a pillow to the couch. Valentina followed with an anxious heart, hoping that her older sister was not up for some hair-pulling action. The shorter girl poked her head by the door and said, “By the way, _Emma_ ,” Juliana emphasized on the ems knowing it was not the older girl’s name. “I was going to say that you look like you’re being swallowed by an evil mutated cotton candy in your _quinceañera_ dress!” Juliana, being the agile girl that she was, swiftly snagged the bowl of popcorn and sprinted the hell out of the room. Valentina matched her friend’s quick strides in the corridor as they made their way downstairs and then out of the mansion. They checked if Eva ran after them. She did not. By the time they were out in the back porch, the two girls were panting.

“Juls! What the hell?” Valentina asked her friend but was actually dying of laughter. Why Juliana had the courage to go back for the bowl of popcorn was beyond her, but it was certainly a hilarious way of payback for Eva eating Guillermo’s slice of _tres leches_ and constantly getting her name wrong.

“What?” Juliana smirked, knowing very well what she had done. She wiggled her eyebrows while nibbling victoriously on a kernel of popcorn.

“You know what you did, _chiqui_!” Valentina wiggled her eyebrows back. She knew her best friend was polite and well-mannered but the way she dissed evil Eva was too funny for her. There was no doubt that the shorter girl can stand up for herself. It was one of the many things that Valentina admired about her. She knew that Eva took Juliana's taunt to heart and might be plotting revenge soon.  “I’ll give it to you though. She did look like she was being swallowed by a mutated cotton candy.”

The girls laughed riotously again.

“I guess we won’t be having a sleep over tonight with _Señorita_ Eva.” Juliana nonchalantly spoke as she finished the final bits of the bowl of popcorn.

“Juls, don’t worry about her. I’ll take care of it. You can still sleepover.” Valentina lied. She was quite nervous about it because her older sister had the inclination to hold grudges. Eva was not fond of Juliana right from the beginning, and Juliana gave her more reasons to resent her.

“Well, I have a better idea, actually.” Juliana suggested while looking up at the heavens above.

 

* * *

 

The girls sneaked back inside the house to get some things for their impromptu night under the stars. Without alarming the infuriated Eva, they found some sheets, a sleeping bag, a small pillow for each and a flashlight. Juliana grabbed her duffel bag which had her Polaroid camera inside. She wished she could have snapped Eva in her all out rage. The Polaroid shot would have been a trophy piece to display, a victorious night that would never be forgotten for her and Valentina. She felt more triumphant and confident rather than anxious about what she said to Eva. She knew her actions would have terrible repercussions and the older girl probably hated her even more now, but their short bout felt like an erratic yet thrilling adventure in itself. It was exhilarating standing up to an unpleasant person. The pair made their way to their secret place in the flower plantation: the tree by the bird of paradise patch. It was quite a walk from the mansion so Juliana, being the stronger of the two girls, insisted on carrying more of their belongings. As they sauntered, Valentina inadvertently brushed her hand on Juliana's. She wanted to hold Juliana's hand but changed her mind in a split second. She could not look at her best friend the same way anymore. Every look, every touch, every word spoken felt something more profound now. Her proximity with her best friend made her dizzy. She was happy nonetheless. She wanted to have a sleepover because she wanted to have more time in the day with Juliana, and perhaps have her arms around her best friend when they slept together, if she allowed her to. She felt ridiculous that all that she could think about that summer was Juliana-- holding, touching and kissing Juliana. Every gentle contact with her, even the mere though of holding her sent a surge of electricity within Valentina. She shook herself off from her delusions as she cleared her throat and thought of something to talk about to break the silence between them. 

“Your birthday’s on November, Juls. Have you planned what to do for your _quince?_ ” Valentina pried.  

“I have never dreamed of having a grand celebration. Besides, we can’t afford it.” Juliana chuckled and shook her head. She knew how difficult her mother had to make ends meet for both of them. A day and night of pomp and pageantry was not worth it. She did not have many friends. Who would she even invite to the party? She was also learning the value of hardwork with her part-time job in the pastry shop. She would rather spend the money for a _quince_ for something more worthwhile.

“If _mamá_ makes _tamales_ and her famous _mole poblano_ , I would be happy and content for my birthday.” Juliana beamed. Those were her favorite dishes. She did not ask for too much. She just wanted her 15th birthday to be like the rest of her birthdays.  _Quinces_ were important in Mexican culture and tradition, but Juliana understood their circumstance and 15 would have to be just a number. It did not have to mean anything. It did not have to mean she was a young woman ready to take on the world as she donned herself in an expensive gown and danced the night away. What and how is it to be really a 'woman' though? 

"I'm sure  _Abuela_ Perlita would probably have a surprise for you too!"

Valentina thought Juliana was surrounded by such admirable, strong women whom she could look up to. Perlita might have not been her biological grandmother, but it was obvious that she cared for Juliana the way an _abuela_ would. She also wondered how Lupita was really like, how Juliana’s mother was like. Actually, she just wondered how it was like to have a mother at all. From aher friend’s stories, Lupita seemed like she loved Juliana a lot with her shared fascinating anecdotes about the flowers in the plantation, the special dishes that she made for her, and the way she prided Juliana's every achievement. Valentina saw Lupita a few times when she and Juliana roamed the fields when they were a bit younger. Juliana would wave to Lupita and move along, not wanting to distract her mother from her work. Juliana had her mom’s beautiful sun-kissed skin and strong jawline-- perhaps her strength in character too. No wonder Juliana was growing up to be a young lady that she too adored, she thought.  

When the girls arrived to their destination, they immediately laid the sheets and sleeping bag on the ground just beside the tree. The fresh midnight breeze cooled them down from their walk. Their surroundings were dim and were only illuminated by the delicate light of the moon. The world felt like it stood still-- but it always felt that way whenever the two were together. Solitude washed over the hills and the plains. Juliana and Valentina could not hear the leaves rustle but every now and then, they would hear crickets and cicadas from a distance. The silhouettes of the mountains were barely visible, pitch dark to the naked eye but it certainly highlighted the stars above as they seemed to scintillate brighter as the night wore on. The fields of flowers were devoid of their vibrant colors. The spotlight was no longer on them. The spectacle was up above.

“I can never see the night sky as beautiful as this in the city!” Valentina gazed at the sky in awe. She had never seen it in that glorious state--unabashed and untouched by artificial lights in the city. Like an involuntary move, she leaned her head on Juliana's shoulder and breathed in. She thought Juliana was lucky she got to see this every single night. The girls gazed at the stars picking out constellations that they knew in the blanket of midnight blue. Juliana, being the well-read, nerdy girl that she was, named and pointed out so many of them. She memorized them because she thought they had wonderful names-- ones that were truly fitting to their namesakes as celestial bodies. Valentina asked how come she knew so much about them.

"Something beautiful with an equally beautiful name is hard to forget _,"_  Juliana said. Perhaps what she also meant to say too was _someone_ beautiful was hard to forget as she caught a glimpse of Valentina's beautiful eyes glistening like sapphire gems under the moonlit sky.

The two lingered in silence to bask the beauty of the night. Valentina kept admiring the celestial bodies up above, committing it to memory since it would be a long time for her to see skies like this again. The Carvajals were going back to Mexico City in a few days before the new school year started. Juliana had a point, she thought. Beautiful things were hard to forget. She could still remember their days of fun and frolic under the sun when they were younger. Their night under the stars would be one for the books too. What even made these memories even more beautiful was the beautiful person she was with.

Juliana was ready to sleep. She had a long exhausting day, and her body urged her to call it a night. She snuggled cozily warm under the sheets that she and Valentina shared. Her best friend, on the other hand, was not so inclined to be bound by the spell of slumber.

“Juls? Are you still up?”

“Mmhmm?” Juliana muttered in an enervated manner.

“When I decided to stay behind instead of going to California with _papá_ , I thought I regretted it.”

“Why is that?”

“Being left behind here with Eva seems like a punishment itself. I love the art galleries there. The sun shines brighter in Cali.” Valentina liked going to California because of the weather. She thought that if there was any place in the world where the sun shone the brightest, it would have to be the ever-radiant California. She specially adored San Francisco most because of the multitude of art galleries that she never got tired of seeing no matter how many times she visited. She lived and breathed art. When she roamed the art galleries, she could not help but imagine having a piece or two from her repertoire hanging on the walls of the esteemed places. California can wait again, she thought. It was a place where she let her imagination run wild, much like how the flower fields of Villa Guerrero always were to her: a field of dreams.

“Val, the sun shines brighter wherever you are.” Juliana poetically spoke. Her voice was dredged in sleep and exhaustion. Valentina was not able to respond immediately. She was caught off guard with her best friend's sweet retort. She observed her friend illuminated by the faint light of the moon. Juliana laid on her side and had her eyes closed.

“I don’t regret it now though.”  

“Why?” Juliana’s voice slurring and becoming more drunk in slumber as seconds wore on.

“Being with you here, under the stars, makes up for anything else in the world.” Valentina lightly touched her best friend's long eyelashes and gently pressed her chin dimple.

Juliana half-consciously reached for Valentina’s hand and intertwined their fingers together. She took her friend's hand to urge her to go to sleep too, but Valentina thought it meant something else. The girl with blue eyes did not let go of her friend's hand. She stayed there for a moment and pondered if she should say what was running on her mind all summer long.

“Juls, I want to tell you something.” Valentina rubbed her thumb on the top of Juliana's hand and braced herself to say something she could not stop thinking about for the past weeks ever since their little dance rehearsal in the pastry shop.

“Mhm?” Juliana was moments away from being carried away to sleep.

“I…” Valentina hesitated. She practiced speaking it inside her head before she slept the past nights-- how she could say it to her perfectly and if the words felt right. Now she could not get the words out.

> _I can’t stop thinking about the afternoon you taught me how to dance._
> 
> _I can’t stop thinking about how we danced so close together._
> 
> _I can’t stop thinking about the almost-kiss we had when we danced._
> 
> _I can’t stop thinking about probably kissing you._
> 
> _I can’t stop thinking about you._

A thousand words and a thousand more emotions wafted over Valentina. When it was just the two of them, she felt as if the whole world fell away. She wanted to say something, anything at all about the happiness she felt by loving Juliana-- if it was really love that she felt or something close to it. What she felt failed to be conveyed in words. Everything seemed to come out plainly if she tried. Perhaps she should just go for it and kiss her. She inched herself towards Juliana.

“Juls?”

Juliana did not respond. The young girl dozed off from overworking that day. Valentina heaved a sigh, both of trepidation and of relief; trepidation because she could not get out the words she longed to say. She felt relief because she was not pressured to say anything now-- else, Juliana would have incessantly pried for her to say it. And she would have. She eventually would. But now may not be the right time. She was probably not ready.

Her blue eyes remained gazing up at the night sky for a few moments more. Looking up at the vast, dark blanket of heavens would usually make feel people lonely. But not Valentina. She did not feel empty. She felt happy and full. The air tonight was warm and sweet. The night felt right. It did not matter if her friend did not yet know how she felt, nor if she did or did not feel the same way that she did. She was right where she wanted to be, where she felt she belonged. Valentina let go of Juliana's hand and wished she could envelop her in her arms instead. It would be awkward if she slept facing her friend so she shifted to face the other side. As soon as Valentina let go of their hands, Juliana suddenly shifted from her position, draped her arm on Valentina's waist and move herself closer like impulse. Valentina felt the rising and falling of her friend’s chest. She nestled closer to the warmth of her friend's hold and smiled to herself. Before her eyes shut close, a shooting star appeared in the sky. As quickly it appeared and faded amongst the clutter of faint lights, Valentina wished upon it-- the same wish that Juliana had asked her to make every time she did. It was probably absurd for other people that she placed the realization of her desires on mundane things as if they really had the power to influence her fate. Even when she wished upon fuzzy dandelions, upon endless rose-tinted skies, and upon elusive shooting stars, it was all the same for Valentina.

In these dreams and desires, she spun worlds where she and Juliana were always together. Where the sun shone the brightest and the stars fluttered the same way that her beating heart did, it would always be with her. It would always be Juliana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is open for discourse, and this was an important aspect for me in Juliana and Valentina's characterizations in this fic-- coming up with the girls' birthdays through zodiac signs. I'll tell you why Valentina was not born on Valentine's day on the next chapter, but for now, let's focus on Juliana.
> 
> Juliana is, without a doubt, a Scorpio. In canon she's always in (ง •̀_•́)ง fight me mode, always has her guard up. She's a tough girl who isn't afraid to stand up for herself whether it's with scary cartel dudes or her own mother. She constantly has a middle finger raised to the world. She has had a lot of trauma but she's definitely a fighter. In the show, when anyone asks her if she's all right, she doesn't say much. Sometimes she doesn't say anything at all-- she broods, she cries or she pouts with her cute puppy dog face and that's it *queue dramatic guitar AAM theme* She doesn't trust anyone easily but she'll go through hell and back (and she's bulletproof) for the people she cares about. She's tough, creative, cool and mysterious. But enter Valentina mi enamorada and she turns into a goo of feels or a ball of fluff and mush. She's whipped af for the person she loves. And that power move to approach the sobbing, pretty girl in the park and make her smile? That's a confident Scorpio who knows what she wants and gets it. She's a huge sweetheart in spite of her "fuck the world" disposition-- that is, when one finally though painstakingly earns her trust. That's why she's a Scorpio (and I sort of gave her my own birthday in this fic lol)


	8. Stargazers Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls are having their quinces-- just some baby gays doing grand gestures for each other. Enjoy the implosion of gayyy! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm outdoing myself. The longest chapter so far.
> 
> Background music for that bit when they dance again:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tK5I2FehOKg
> 
> Background music for more feels in the night drive scene:  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/7cTjx17qYJNZk1jALBr5lO?si=gfInNhyWTqWMeLUV7vdbvA

**11 November 2008  
** **_Villa Guerrero, Jalisco, Mexico_ **

A bead of sweat skidded from Juliana’s forehead down to the tip of her nose as she carried a big, heavy box on her way home. The box was primly covered with pink wrapping paper and tied up with a thick glittering gold bow. Tomorrow would be her _quinceañera_ , and the box contained what was supposedly Valentina’s present for her. Her best friend had sent her present from Mexico City to the pastry shop. Perlita had asked Juliana to pick it up after school. The young lady with sun-kissed skin squinted her eyes at the golden rays of the falling sun and exhaled as she painstakingly adjusted her hands on the bottom of the box and tried to avoid the straps of her school bag falling off from her shoulders. The box was heavy and she wondered what surprise Valentina had in store for her. She was excited to open her present, but she wanted to wait until she arrived home. Halfway through her journey, Juliana set down the heavy box to rest and breathe for a while. She removed her school uniform sweater and wound it around her waist. The brisk November breeze cooled her face and the back of her neck. This was her favorite time of the year-- not only because it was her birth month, but the earth seemed to be in some other form of serene beauty at that time of the year. Varieties of flowers that blossomed in the cold season appeared again once more. She gazed upon the new patches of fragrant stargazers and picked a stem for herself. They were her favorite after all. As she inhaled the scent of the blooms, she was relieved that her _quince_ would not involve any dancing or cheesy ceremonies. She did not have a father to dance with nor did she have enough friends to have as members for her court of honor. She was already happy at the thought of Lupita and Perlita preparing a simple dinner feast for Juliana in the pastry shop. Lupita would be making her favorite _tamales_ and _mole poblano_ while Perlita would be baking her a chocolate cake. She had only invited her closest friends including Sergio for the simple celebration. Juliana did not have anything more to wish for except maybe for that one tiny little hope that Valentina would come to her birthday. But her celebration was on a weekday, and it would not be conducive for Valentina to be in and out of Villa Guerrero in a matter of hours during a school day. She understood that it was far-fetched; it was just a figment of her many vivid imaginings of her with her best friend.

But a young lady could dream. And in many of her dreams, Valentina was a constant.

After taking a quick breather, Juliana picked up the box once more and continued her journey home. The hues of the sky mirrored what she felt from within-- the pink honey of the heavens seemed to fuel the clouds in beautiful wisps engulfed in fire. As she turned her gaze upwards, the sky slowly transcended into a faint hue of peaceful midnight blue. A smile formed on the corner of her lips feeling dwarfed yet grateful for the magnificence that surrounded her.

Juliana was welcomed with the delectable smell of food when she arrived home. Lupita was already cooking supper and preparing the filling for the _tamales_ for tomorrow's event. She saw her daughter enter the house lugging an exquisitely-wrapped box. Juliana carefully placed the box on the couch, greeted her mamá, then restlessly splayed herself beside the box after the long walk home.

"Is that from one of your admirers?" Lupita teased her daughter as she sat beside her and gave her a peck on the forehead.

 _Admirer._ The word echoed inside Juliana's mind. _What a ridiculous word,_ she thought. She felt like there was nothing admirable about her. Then she considered herself-- was she an admirer? Did she admire the person who had given her the present? But admire was too soft of a word, too impotent to the meanings she held within her. What she felt was something beyond admiration-- but what was it exactly? Adoration? Care? Reverence? Perhaps, love? But love was too strong of a word. It was a word that she dared not say nor dared to think-- especially when she thought it was something that she may be unlucky not to receive back.

"From Valentina," Juliana plainly answered, but she could not stifle her happiness in saying the name of the person she beyond-admired. It was evident how her always lit up whenever she thought or spoke about Valentina. Juliana sat herself up, brought the box in front of her and untangled the bow in one swift movement. However, she delicately removed the folds and flaps of the wrapping paper, refraining from completely tearing apart.   

“What’s taking you so long, Juli? Just tear it open!”

“But it's wrapped so nicely! I feel bad just tearing it like an animal, ma.”

Lupita was bemused with Juliana. She was excited and impatient to know what was inside the box but her daughter was taking her sweet, sweet time. When Juliana finally did open it, she found ten packs of fresh Polaroid films, a framed painting of herself, another framed painting of her and Valentina, a velvet box that contained a necklace, a beautiful jade-colored designer dress with floral prints and a pair of dress sandals to match it. It was evident that Valentina thought of each item in her gift box carefully with meaning. But Valentina's thoughtfulness was not what ultimately brought Juliana to tears, it was a hand-written letter included in the package. It read:

 

> Happy _quince, mi amor!_
> 
> I am sorry I cannot come to your special day, but I got you these special gifts to at least make up for my absence. During _quinces_ , there are traditional gifts that a _quinceañera_ receives but I know you're not one for tradition so these are what I got for you instead.
> 
>   1. You don't need a tiara or a scepter because you are better than a princess. You don't need other people to tell you how amazing you are because you probably already know that yourself-- but just in case you need to hear it from me for the thousandth time: you are by far the most amazing person I know, Juliana Valdés.
>   2. The dress and the pair of shoes! Of course I want you to look incredible for your quince! Please stop saying that you're "not even that pretty" or that "there's nothing likable about you" because only a fool would believe that. You are so beautiful.
>   3. You never liked playing with dolls ever since we were kids so here's a bunch of packs of Polaroid film instead. You told me that you were conserving your expired Polaroid films because you thought that you would not find films for your camera anymore. But they still make them! It was a huge favor for me to ask my grumpy _hermana_ to buy some in New York City but she eventually caved in to my charms (haha)
>   4. The surprise gift is a necklace. A box within a box! Usually, one receives a pair of earrings as a symbol for one remembers to listen. But you're a very smart girl, Juliana. I know you let your mind decide more often that not but sometimes-- you have to listen to your heart too, as that pendant is close to your heart. You get what I'm saying, right?
>   5. I didn't give you flowers anymore because we have plenty of them there in Villa Guerrero-- instead, I'm giving you something equally beautiful (or even more): a portrait of you.
>   6. In place of a ring that supposedly symbolizes endless love, here's something just as endless: us, together. So here's a portrait of us.
> 

> 
> I would love nothing more than to be with you-- even if it's not on your special day. I miss you so much, Juliana!
> 
> _Besos,_
> 
> Val <3
> 
>  

* * *

 

 

**3 March 2009**

A couple of days before Valentina’s birthday, the invitation for her _quinceañera_ arrived. Even though Juliana would not be able to come to Valentina’s grandiose celebration _,_ she still asked for an invitation as a keepsake of her best friend's special day. After coming home from school, she excitedly plopped herself on her bed and opened the white envelope. The invitation card read:

 

The Carvajal Family is honored to invite you to celebrate the quinceañera of their beloved

 

**Valentina Carvajal Pineda**

 

The holy mass in her honor will take place

Saturday, 14 March 2009, at noon

_Catedral Metropolitana de México_

Plaza de la Constitución, Centro

Ciudad de México

 

After the mass, join us for dinner and reception

_Jardín de Sevilla_

_InterContinental Presidente Mexico City_

Campos Elíseos 218, Polanco, Polanco IV Secc,

Ciudad de México

 

The invitation was a lavender-scented royal blue cardstock with gold trims. On it was a portrait photo of Valentina wearing a stunning sapphire gown embellished with sparkling beads. _At least she talked Eva out of making her wear a pink puffy dress_ , Juliana chuckled to herself. The color of the dress accented her piercing ocean blue eyes. Valentina was gorgeous. _Quinces_  made girls feel like they were princesses, but Valentina did not look like a princess-- she was a goddess. Juliana had always thought that way every since they were kids. She remembered her anecdote about the marigolds. After all these years, she still felt it but perhaps more intensely-- she would give her all the marigolds in the world if she could. She found herself ogling at Valentina's photograph on the invitation card. She had always known that Valentina was beautiful-- the most beautiful girl she had ever seen. She had plenty of Polaroid photos of her best friend-- but seeing her exquisitely donned made her roll around on her bed with a pillow on her face trying to hide a smile. She kept conjuring up imaginings inside her head-- of holding Valentina's hand, dancing with her in pretty dress, and perhaps getting the nerve to finally kiss her. Seeing her best friend like that made her want her imaginings to come true. She was taken out of her delusions as she fell down her bed from rolling around too much, from being too giddy at the thought of her lips touching Valentina's.

 

* * *

 

 **14 March 2009  
** **_Mexico City, Mexico_ **

It was finally Valentina’s big day and there was no one more nervous than the celebrant herself. The rich, the famous, and the powerful were all in attendance in the youngest Carvajal's fifteenth birthday. Both Eva and Guillermo who were studying university abroad even flew home briefly just for their younger sister’s _quinceañera._ A chamber orchestra was present to serenade the guests the night away. Valentina opted for a garden setting for her _quince--_  as if she had a choice for anything about her celebration. However, she had a lavender flower fields theme in mind-- just like the one in Villa Guerrero-- which made Eva agree that having her _quince_ in a garden was a great idea and a blue gown would be more apt than a pink one. The celebration was halfway done. The _quinceañera_ already did her grand entrance by riding a gray Azteca horse with petals pouring down like gentle rain on her pathway-- again, that was one of Eva's dramatic, ingenious ideas. By now, the reception was already underway. A seven-course meal was being served to the guests. Taking advantage of the time they still had before the main event of the dances, Eva, being the perfectionist that she was, asked Valentina and the court of honor for a quick rehearsal at an empty hall of the hotel.  

“Vale, please. You rehearsed this for weeks and you still can’t get it? _¡Ay, dios mio!_ Get your head straight!” Eva commanded. They were on their sixth try doing the same dance over and over again. Eva had hired a professional choreographer to create the routine and hold practices for them every weekend since she was overseas. Although they practiced quite frequently, Eva was not satisfied.

“I’m really trying, _hermana!_ ” Valentina's voice cracked as she was on the verge of tears. She was frustrated and her feet hurt from wearing high heels and dancing in them. It was her special day but she did not feel special at all. She felt exhausted even before the celebration began. She spent the morning rehearsing and even when the _quinceañera_ mass at the churchwas finished, Eva still wanted her to practice. The attention given to her unnerved her. Everything about it, the pomp and the pageantry, drained her entirety. What made it worse what that she did not have Juliana around. She was certain that her best friend knew how make the party less stressful and more fun-- perhaps she would pull a prank on Eva and whisk her away so she would stop bossing her around. Juliana called her when midnight struck because she wanted to be the first person to greet her a happy birthday. Her best friend finally bought a phone after working tireless hours in the pastry shop-- during weekends, even though she had school, she took shifts too.

“Your crying isn’t going to fix any of this, Vale. Ok, everyone… from the top!” The older Carvajal called to order while Valentina tried not to ruin her make-up as she held off tears from down her cheeks.

“Eva, don’t you think you're being a little too mean to your sister? Why not let her take a break? She's tired. This is her special day after all.” Lucía Borges, who everyone assumed was Eva's best friend in uni, interceded for the birthday girl. The two young ladies were in matching ebony and ivory long halter dresses. Lucía tagged along with Eva for the weekend in Mexico because she was curious as to how Mexican _quinceañeras_ were celebrated. But she was not attending a common _quinceañera._ She was attending a Carvajal's _quince_ which meant that they were pulling out all the stops to make it extra. Eva was still not contented with how Valentina and the court of honor performed the dance, but she let them go for a bit because Lucía asked for it kondly and sweetly.

“Ok, take five! But everyone better be focused. We have roughly fifteen more minutes before it's show time!”

Lucía squeezed Eva's hand and gave her a knowing smile. She then hurriedly approached the crying celebrant.

“Sweetie..." The young blonde lady gently rubbed Valentina's back. "What do you want? I'll sneak in some cakes from the buffet table, or how about a glass of that expensive champagne? How does that sound?” Lucía winked at Valentina which made a little smile sneak from the corner of her lips even with tears streaming down her face. From Eva's many stories of her little adventures with her friend, Valentina already adored Lucía. But meeting her in person for the past days made her adore her more. She was winning the hearts of the Carvajals, and she was pretty sure that Guillermo had a school boy crush on her. Lucía was kind, patient and sweet. She was stunning, incredibly smart and eloquent just like her older sister. Lucía came from prominent families in Spain and France but she was down to earth. Eva and Lucía seemed to be more apt pitted together as rivals than friends, Valentina thought. It made her wonder how they could be friends. However, she also noticed how Lucía had a calming effect on her older sister. It was something that no one could do except for her. It was the same kind of effect that Juliana had for her. Valentina was thankful that Lucía tagged along.

“ _Gracias_ , Lucía. You're wonderful but I'll be all right. I would like to call Juliana though.”

“Is she here? I'll call her for you.” Lucía volunteered.

“No, she can't make it today. She's in Villa Guerrero.” Remembering that her best friend could not make it made her tear up even more. “Can you please reach for my phone? It's beside my bag there. I want to call her.” She dabbed the tears on the corners of her eyes with a napkin, careful not to erase her makeup.

"I'm still sneaking a glass of champagne for you. Wait here, ok?" Lucía went back to the gardens where the reception was.

Valentina searched for Juliana's name on her phone and pressed call.

"Juls?"

" _Hola,_ Val! What's up? How's your _quince_ going?" Hearing Juliana's cheerful voice calmed Valentina down.

"Not so good." Valentina's voice was morose. Juliana could hear her sniffling.

"What's wrong? What happened?"

Valentina wanted to go on a rant with how exhausted she was, how inconceivably annoying her older sister was, how nerve-wrecking it was to dance in front of her guests-- and that she still could not seem to get the dance steps to how Eva liked it. She just wanted things to be over with. She wanted to tell her so many things running on her mind but she opted for something blunt.

"I just wish you were here..." As soon as the words slipped her mouth, Valentina began bawling again.

"How bad are you wishing for that?" Juliana attempted to joke and make the birthday girl smile. She knew her best friend had a thing for wishing upon mundane things.

"Juls, this is not the time for teasing. I mean it."

There was silence on the other line. Juliana was not responding.

"Juls? Are you still there? Hello?"

Valentina was still trying to get a hold on Juliana but she was not answering anymore. She dropped the call and Valentina heaved a sigh. She was resigned that she had to just suck it up for a few more hours before she can be on her own. She looked down and picked on her fingernails as she always did when she was nervous.

"But what if I say I can make your wishes come true?"

Valentina looked up and she could not believe who was beaming in front of her.

Juliana.

The girl with sun-kissed skin was wearing the jade floral dress that she had given her for her birthday. In her hands were a bouquet of pink stargazers. Valentina was speechless two main reasons: she could not believe that Juliana was in front of her and she was stunned at how beautiful she was all made-up and wearing that dress.

“I made it, Val. Happy _quince, mi amor_.” Juliana echoed her best friends words.

“You're going to make me cry even more! Juls! This is the best surprise ever!” Valentina enveloped her best friend in a tight hug and seemed as if she would not let go of her.

“You look sooo beautiful. Are you ok?”

"I am now."

The pair stayed entranced in each other's presence when someone interjected.

“I'm glad you're here to surprise Vale!”

“This is Lucía. She's Eva's friend.” The birthday girl introduced.

“Oh…” Juliana muttered, but before she could make a snarky comment , the beautiful blonde young lady gives her a tight hug-- something that Eva would never do to her.

“You look gorgeous in that dress, _chiqui_. Vale told me loads of wonderful things about you.” Lucía complimented Juliana.

“Ok, break is over! Let's take it from the top! Vale!" Eva ordered her younger sister to come in front. " _Chavos!_ Positions, please!”

Lucía shook her head and smirked at how intense Eva was--like she was used and amused to it.

"Don't worry about Juliana. I'll take care of her." Lucía assured, and the celebrant gave her a not.

"Wish me luck!" Valentina told Juliana as she held her hand.

"You'll be great." Juliana squeezed Valentina's hand and she got to the tiniest courage within her to kiss Valentina on the cheek. The celebrant blushed in a color of deep rosy-red and she could not hide it. She felt the warmth rushing through her face and she turned away quickly to get into position. Maybe just maybe, Valentina found the motivation to slay the dance routine.

“Sit with us on our table, Juliana.” Lucía offered. “Let's wait for their performance in the hall and let's grab some food for you.” She hooked her arm with the younger girl. Eva was side-eyeing the two as they made their way out.

Juliana was in absolute awe of how grand Valentina’s _quince_ was as she walked with Lucía to the gardens. She was not expecting anything less given that Valentina was having her _quince_ in a five-star hotel. The hall was filled with beautiful flowers as if they brought the whole flower plantation to the city. The people around her intimidated her. She felt like she did not belong.

In a few moments, Val's  _valses_ began. The first one was with her court of honor. Juliana was relieved seeing that Valentina's main escort was her older brother, Guillermo. She had a tendency to be jealous but she hid that fact. Perhaps Guillermo felt sorry for his younger sister in the agony that she had to go through with Eva bossing her around that was why he volunteered for it. Valentina did an excellent job on the dance. Juliana could see that Eva, who finally joined them on their table, was satisfied with her sister's performance. A few moments later, the lights were dimmed and the spotlight was on Valentina and her father, León. Valentina was, once again, in tears-- but for reasons that were more pleasant. She was emotional about the father-daughter dance. Her father was also tearing up. The celebrant and her father danced blissfully.

Juliana brought along her Polaroid camera. She waved to Valentina and took a photo of her while dancing with her father. She smiled back at her friend before she took the shot.

“It's so cool you still have a Polaroid camera!” Lucía remarked.

“You know what this is? That's awesome! Usually people think this is some old junk.”

“Not at all, sweetie. Vintage is _chulo!_ ” When Lucía spoke, it was apparent that the way she spoke Spanish was different-- hers was not Mexican Spanish, but Spain Spanish. She remembered her friend mentioning that Lucía was French-Spanish. Juliana thought the older girl’s accent and expressions were adorable-- like how her s-sounds seemed to be spoken with a lisp.  

“You and Vale have been _amigas_ for a very long time, haven't you? It's obvious that you're very special to her.”

Lucía noticed how Juliana had a big smile on her face and Valentina kept looking at her. The youngest Carvajal’s mood changed completely after seeing her best friend-- she had a different aura about her.

“Valentina's just really really beautiful tonight.”

 Juliana caught sight of Eva staring daggers at her whenever she talked to her blonde friend.

“And how about you? Are you sure you're friends with Eva?” Juliana whispered to Lucía and snickered.

Lucía thought it was an odd question coming from Juliana. She was not aware that the younger girl meant to ask was how could someone kind and sweet like her be friends with a terrible person like Eva. But the young lady understood Juliana’s question to be something else.

“Uhm,” Lucia hesitated. “You can probably say that.”

The cake cutting was almost at the end of the celebration. Valentina had three cakes for the celebration-- two 5-tiered cakes for her guests and a relatively small strawberry shortcake ice cream cake which was her favorite. They sang her a happy birthday and she paused for a great deal when she was asked to make a wish. She whispered a wish beneath her breath. A wish that she knew was beating in her heart all these years, all this time. But what was there for someone like Valentina Carvajal to wish for when she had the best of everything that one could dream of? As she made her wish, she imagined it as a pact with the universe; as if she was sticking out her pinky finger to some force invisible but powerful enough to bring dreams to reality. It was a tantamount to asking if the universe will meet its end of the promise. Valentina clasped her hands together and brought it close to her chest.

“Vale! Make it quick! Your cake is melting!” Eva, her older sister, muttered with clenched teeth as she gently elbowed the younger Carvajal’s arm. Her guests were watching her intently, noticing that she was indeed taking her time to blow out the candles. The top of the cake was slightly melting away from the heat of the candles. Guillermo was giggling and thought Valentina was making a hundred wishes, as if she was concentrating on each one (which she was very likely to do).

But she had only one wish.

She just recited it multiple times inside her head as if the number of times she said it would have any bearing to its plausibility, for it to come to reality. Valentina was a dreamer. She did not mind if she was thought to be ridiculous for wishing upon mundane things. She took her chances because she did not have anything to lose. When she was ready, she finally opened her eyes and took a deep breath before blowing out the candles.

The guests roared into an applause. Valentina looked up, beamed towards the crowd in front of her but had her eyes fixed on that one person she had wished for a hundred times over.

 

* * *

 

The night was almost over and the guests have dwindled. The hotel staff had even began clearing up the space little by little. Valentina found Juliana sitting by herself on a corner, observing the people around her. As if it was not enough that Juliana saw her dance amazingly tonight, Valentina wanted to show her that she got exponentially better from the last time they danced together. She had requested the string quartet in the chamber orchestra to play a version of Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton.

“I've had enough of dancing for tonight, but I saved one last for you.” Valentina extended her hand to Juliana and the shorter girl willingly gave hers. They walked hand-in-hand towards where the string quartet was playing. Juliana was pleasantly surprised at how Valentina was taking the lead in their dance. She was not doing the simple steps anymore. She knew how to move around the floor now.

“You really surprised me! I had no idea you were coming. I can't believe you would do such a thing. What did _tia_ Lupe say?”

“She thought you were flying me here. But I took the a 12-hour bus ride.”

“12 freaking hours? Juls! No, you didn't!” Valentina twirled Juliana and grabbed her closer towards her.

“I took the bus going to Guadalajara and then from Guadalajara to here. It's no big deal.”

“It's a big deal! Juliana Valdés! Don't downplay it.” Valentina tucked Juliana's loose tresses behind her ears. The taller girl ran her hands up Juliana's arm. Whenever Valentina's eyes gazed at her intently, Juliana felt as if she would float away and would never come down to earth. She leaned her forehead with Juliana's and smiled.

“Anything for you.” Juliana whispered.

Valentina was singing the lyrics of the song once more.

> _I feel wonderful because I see_   
>  _The love light in your eyes_   
>  _And the wonder of it all_   
>  _Is that you just don't realize how much I love you_

 

* * *

 

Everyone had gone home. Eva, Lucía, and Guillermo were all in their respective rooms in the hotel to finally get some rest. León was an investor in the hotel after all that was why they got the best rooms. Valentina had the presidential suite to herself. Instead of going their to rest and call it a night, she had something else in mind. Valentina and Juliana were waiting in front of the hotel. The birthday celebrant said that she had an idea on her first night in the city. She just had to wait to find out what it was. While waiting, Valentina was still holding the bouquet of flowers that Juliana had given her.

"So what do you call these fragrant ones?" The taller girl brought her nose close to the pink blooms.

"Stargazers."

Juliana remembered Valentina told her when they had a night under the stars-- that she was sad not being able to see the stars in the city. That was why she brought her stargazers-- as if to figuratively say that she brought the stars to her. Little did she know, that her mere presence already brought the stars in Valentina's eyes.  

In a few moment, a black Audi S4 car stopped in front of them. The driver opened the door to the backseat for Valentina and Juliana.

" _Señorita_ Valentina, are you sure it's ok for me to drive _Señorita_ Eva's car?" The driver asked sheepishly.

"Of course, Alirio. She'll forgive me. It's my birthday after all."

"Val... what are you up to?" Juliana's eyes shot wide open. She was shocked that she was "borrowing" _se_ _ñorita_ Eva's car without permission. She could imagine how furious Eva would be if she found out.  

"You trust me, right? It's your first time in the city. I want to take you somewhere nice."

They rode away from the hotel and into the main road. While halted on a stop light, Valentina asked the driver to retract the top of the car.

"I 'borrowed' Eva's car because for this very reason... it's a convertible so you can get a nice view of the city at night." Valentina chuckled.

They rushed through the main streets of Polanco with the wind robustly blowing through their faces. Juliana gazed at the skyscrapers with wonder, the tall structures that seemed to be constructed by deities instead of mere men. They came in odd shapes and gargantuan sizes, with detailed ornaments and artistic simplicity. She now understood why Valentina deeply adored the night skies of Villa Guerrero. Here in Mexico City, the stars were not visible. City lights took the place of the stars. However, Juliana enjoyed the spectacle of lights-- or at least she thought them to be a spectacle since they did not have such a sight in the countryside-- the streetlights that lined the middle of the wide open roads, the monuments illuminated as recognition of the figures' valiant contribution to their motherland, edifices lit up with the colors of green, white, and red, and the jigsaw images that the lit office spaces seemed to make. Juliana took in as much as she could with how the city looked. She was lost in wonder on the urbanscape of the city, but Valentina was lost in wonder in Juliana. She could not take her eyes off of her best friend. Juliana turned to her with a smile that reached from ear to ear. She had never seen her this happy. Valentina grabbed Juliana's Polaroid camera from her bag, took a snapshot of her, and another one of them together.

“We're both fifteen now! Do you realize that we've known each other for more than half of our lives?" Juliana began as she studied the Polaroid photo of them together.

"It feel like it has been forever, don't you think?" Valentina spoke.

"I want it to feel like this. Forever."

It occurred to Juliana that summers in Villa Guerrero are not what made it feel endless. It was not the warm, honey-dripping sun that sprawled over the hills and slopes filled with vibrant, gorgeous blooms of every color. It was not even the equally infinite blooms themselves, but rather, it was Valentina herself. Everything felt endless with her-- and it was the kind of endless that one had implored for if they believed in a god, in a power greater than them.

Eternal. Infinite. Forever. Endless.

Perhaps like in myths, like a love reserved only for soulmates. A life swathed in grateful beauty that seemed to see no end. It was indeed true what she had said about the blue-eyed girl: that the sun shone brighter wherever she was. But even without the sun shining above them, Valentina's warmth can illuminate the world a hundred times over-- at least, Juliana's world infinitely. The rest of the world fell away when they were together. It was just her and Valentina.

Surmising that her best friend was feeling cold because she was still wearing her sleeveless _quinceañera_ dress, Juliana draped her jacket on Valentina. She leaned her head on top of Valentina's head and scooted closer to place her arm around her shoulders. The blue-eyed girl nestled her face on her best friend's neck, and Juliana could have sworn Valentina's lips brushed her skin. It electrified her, every minute touch made her crave her even more. Juliana raised Valentina's chin for her gaze to meet hers. She took a deep breath and cupped the side of best friend's face. She was so nervous as if her heart was going to pound out of her chest when she inched her face closer and closer. Valentina, on the other hand, was looking from Juliana's auburn eyes to her lips. She licked her upper lip and wondered if Juliana was going to kiss her. She shut her eyes and braced herself for when she would feel her best friend's soft, warm lips on hers. The space between them became smaller and smaller and she gasped for air. She felt Juliana's breath hot on her lips. Almost...

_Beeeeeeep!_

The driver hit the brakes and struck the horn as a seemingly drunk driver cut him off. The two girls jumped from their seats and turned away from each other, as if they were finally awakened from the spell binding them with a strong desire to kiss each other. Valentina immediately asked the driver to bring them back to the hotel. The young ladies rode all the way back not talking to each other, too shy to bring up the moment again. Juliana still wanted to kiss Valentina but she lost all the courage that she was saving up the whole night. She brushed her thumb on her lower lip and sighed. The moment would have been perfect but she had to wait for another one to come by again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the previous chapter, I explained why I think Juliana is a Scorpio. Now, let's go to Valentina. I feel like she was not born on St. Valentine's day (contrary to the tradition of many countries with a dominant Catholic background of naming children after saints on the day they were born) because she has the traits of a Pisces. She's very sweet, sensitive (very sentimental actually), gentle, spiritual (heck, she believed Camilo's theories of the afterlife) and she gets along easily with everyone. She loves loves loves loves to give! She's a dreamer-- she even dreams up dreams for Juliana (of her being a fashion designer). She gives and does everything in her capacity to help and support the people she loves. She's quite intense with how she feels and is very empathetic. All of these are traits of a Pisces. If she were born on Valentine's day-- she'd be an Aquarius. Aquarius is not as emotional and gentle as Pisces is. Maca is a lot like Val in many aspects-- and she's a Pisces too. And in canon, Valentina makes that comment of not knowing when Valentine's day is and jokingly assumes it as September 14th. Perhaps Valentina had been named in honor of an Abuelita or a well-loved ancestor in her family-- or just because her parents thought it was a beautiful name, and it is. Also, Pisces x Scorpio are perfect matches. Just sayin'.


	9. Girls, Interrupted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juliana stays the night in Mexico City after Valentina's quince. The day after, she and Valentina have brunch in the park with Lucia and Eva.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As requested, more fluff and gay before I usher in the storm. Shoutout to CatsShadow for calling me out on that supposed kiss interruption. This chapter is inspired by your frustration over that scene lol
> 
> Luceva = gal pals™ 
> 
> This chapter is also a shoutout to the closeted Luceva shippers haha I see you, and I am with you-- to quote our very own Macarena Achaga.
> 
> Park scene song: https://open.spotify.com/track/2GwGoL1XlvuYPd6LkZVYB7?si=0pUiRJV9TVKYP1QxszKLyA

Valentina and Juliana arrived back in the hotel at around midnight. They were alone together in the elevator on their way up to Valentina's suite in the 41st floor. They stood on opposing sides, in silence, not able to look at each other. A little bit breathless and light-headed moments after their almost kiss, Juliana fidgeted with her fingers, not able to properly comprehend what had happened-- what should have happened. She played the moment over and over again inside her head. She could not get it out of her mind's eye, much like the loose skin on the side of her thumb that she was picking on in her anxiousness. If only that car had not interrupted, she thought, she would most likely have had the kiss that she had so badly wanted all this time. However, she could not bring herself to look at her best friend because she was uncertain if she had wanted to be kissed-- if Valentina felt the same electricity that inhabited the minute space between their lips and if she felt just as tormented as she was with the intense longing to have her feelings reciprocated. Juliana snuck a glance from the mirrors of the elevator instead, settling for an obscured reflection of the girl her heart was yearning for. The lift going up felt like it took forever. Valentina could not look at Juliana too. She still could not believe that her best friend had attempted to kiss her. Was it an affirmation that her best friend felt the same way that she did-- that she was just as an unshakable, indispensable figure in the thoughts that plagued her about what love could possibly feel like?

But was a kiss even a necessary affirmation for what they felt for each other? Were moments like that just as potent without words having not been spoken? For both of them, the answer was very apparent.

Valentina was so aware of the presence, of the proximity of her best friend. To her, every minimal touch, brush of their skin, and unintentional looks felt like fire burning her from within. The elevator suddenly halted on the 25th floor. The two young ladies did not anticipate the sudden stop and their shoulders accidentally nudged together. A couple of people from the dining hall entered the elevator. Valentina and Juliana were separated even further among the crowd that had entered the space. The blue-eyed girl was still wearing her best friend’s jacket. She took a quick side glance at Juliana from the other side to check if she was looking at her. She snuggled more comfortably in the jacket because it smelled like Juliana. When they alighted to their floor, the young ladies walked together, still enveloped in silence, in the awkwardness of the moments that befell them after their supposed first kiss. Valentina toyed with the hem of Juliana's jacket, itching to hold her hand but refraining herself from doing so. 

“I have to catch the bus to Guadalajara in the wee hours of the morning,” Juliana finally broke the stillness between them. “So I’ll be back in Villa Guerrero tomorrow by late afternoon.”

Valentina did not want Juliana to go home yet. She yearned for more time to be with her. The next time they would meet would be next summer. It would still be a few months ahead. Why wait for more months when she was already here? “There’s no school tomorrow. It’s a Sunday, Juls. Stay for a while? Please?” Valentina finally reached for her best friend's hand.

“For a while?” Juliana squeezed Valentina's hand.

“For a while.” The other girl squeezed back.

Valentina opened the door to her hotel suite, and it had a majestic view of the city's skyline at night. A bird's eye view of Chapultepec Park astonished Juliana. She stood by the floor-to-ceiling glass windows of the room, observing with starry-eyes the incredible view that they had. Valentina stood beside her. The blue-eyed girl, perhaps desensitized from living all of her life in Mexico City, thought it was an ordinary view. The view that she adored instead was her best friend, who she still could not believe took a 12-hour bus ride just to be with her in her  _quince_. 

"This. This is what I supposedly call home.  _Ciudad de México."_   Valentina declaimed. She knew it was Juliana's first time being in the city that was why she was like an excitable puppy that had eyes glistening when she saw something new. Nevertheless, she thought her best friend was adorable. "I'm glad you came, Juls."

If Valentina had to be honest, she kept on wishing for the past months that Juliana would change her mind about not being able to attend her  _quince._ She did not know whether it was purely coincidence that she decided to come in the spur of the moment or there was a force something greater than them conspiring for her and Juliana to have moments so idyllic and unforgettable whenever they were together-- and if apart, that ultimately brought them together. Whatever it was, she was more than grateful.

But was she being greedy if she had asked for something more than what had been given?

"I told you I would follow you to the ends of the earth. Remember?" Juliana playfully reaffirmed their blithely-spoken pact with each other as kids as she turned to Valentina with a smile that seemed to put a spell on the blue-eyed young lady, like she did not want to look at anything else more beautiful-- as if there was anything that was more beautiful than Juliana, she thought to herself. Valentina linked her arm with the shorter girl and slowly slid her hand to weave their fingers together. Valentina settled for a chaste kiss on Juliana's hand. She was not good at restraining herself from distancing and gauging what her best friend could possibly feel towards her before she dove in head first in doing what she wanted. Juliana let go of her hand and it both shocked and saddened her. She should have been more careful with her actions because she might have frightened her best friend with how strong she might be coming on to her. But she was wrong. Instead, Juliana placed Valentina's arm around her shoulders as she rested a hand around the taller girl's waist. Valentina melted into her best friend's arms. Their eyes met and lingered for a beat too long. This would probably be a great time to give it another shot-- Juliana thought.

_Buuuuuzzz!_

The doorbell suddenly rang and the girls, jolted once more, let go of each other's hold immediately. Winded from the moment, Valentina took a deep breath before checking who was at their door. It was her father, León. The man stood by the doorway in his suit and tie, still so prim and proper fixed, as if the night had not yet ended and he was still to go elsewhere

“I was looking for you, Vale. You had me worried for a while but Alirio said he took you and Juliana for a drive.”

“He did. I'm sorry I didn't tell you.”

“It's all right. Did you have fun in your party, _mija?_ ”

“Very much. _Gracias, papá.”_   Valentina enveloped her father in a tight embrace.

_“De_ nada." The man brought his daughter closer to him and kissed the top of her head. _"Siempre serás mi princesa.”_

Juliana beamed. She adored the sweet moment between León and Valentina. She had wondered what it was like to have a father, someone so selfless, giving, and full of love, like Valentina's father was. Lupita did not fall short with giving Juliana all the love and support that she needed, the young girl was absolutely certain about that-- but seeing that moment piqued her curiosity. She knew the Carvajals did not shy away from showing physical affection. Whenever she was at the Carvajal home, León always gave hugs and kisses to his children, most especially to his daughters who always seemed to compete with each other for his attention. Although most parents would say that they did not have a favorite child, it was obvious that León had one-- it was Valentina. Perhaps it was because she looked exactly like their mother who had passed away, or perhaps Valentina had a soft and endearing soul that made him want to protect her the most.

The man noticed the young girl standing watching them.

“Juliana! You made it to Vale’s _quince_ , didn’t you?" He acknowledged Juliana. "Did you know that for the last months, she cannot stop complaining about how you couldn’t make it? Can you imagine living in a house with this young lady who speaks your name at least ten times a day?” The man had a hearty laugh. “But we’re glad you’re here.” He put a hand on Juliana’s shoulder.

“It was a last minute change of plans, _tio_ León _._ I'm glad to be here too.”

The man gave a hug to Juliana too and she sunk into it.

“Are you staying for the night?”

“I’m convincing her, _papá.”_   Valentina interjected.

“Stay the night, Juliana. I’m making an exception for sleepovers because it’s Vale’s _quince._ You came a long way. You’ll need to rest.”

“Come on, Juls! I would love for you to stay!”

“You can’t say no to her. Even I couldn’t say no to her.” He joked. “I’ll be flying to Villa Guerrero tomorrow afternoon. You can come with me so you won’t have to trouble over how to get home.”

The offer on the table was seriously irresistible, Juliana thought. She could spend the night with her best friend in this exquisite room AND ride an airplane for the first time? She thought she was dreaming. There was no other option for her. Of course she had to say yes.

As the night wore on, it was a competition of who could sleep the latest given that the two young ladies were beyond exhausted-- Valentina, from her endless dancing in her _quince_ and Juliana from her long haul trip from Villa Guerrero. Neither of the girls wanted to fall asleep, as if they would be missing out on something great that could possibly happen in the finite, counted hours that they only had together. Or maybe because, unbeknownst to each of them, they still could not get that almost kiss off of their minds. Both of them would be haunted with it in their dreams if they shut their eyes. Juliana slid into the covers wearing Valentina's silk pajamas with cute rabbit prints on them. It smelled a lot like her, like warm vanilla and cinnamon. Valentina had not changed her clothes yet. She was still in her  _quinceañera_ dress, seated on the armchair overlooking the city, pensively lost.

"Val?" Juliana called out in the darkness. "Are you coming to bed yet?"

"In a minute." Valentina lied. 

“I was thinking that maybe I want to live here in the city.” Juliana shifted in the bed and tried to get a glimpse of her best friend in the darkness.

“It’s beautiful but it’s not as beautiful as Villa Guerrero though.”

“It’s something new for me at least. Maybe I’ll try applying for uni here in a few years.”

Valentina sauntered to the bed and sat at the edge. She was excited at the thought that they would live close enough. “That would be awesome! We'll have all the time in the world to be together."

The words echoed inside Juliana's mind as she slowly drifted to slumber.

_All the time in the world._

_Together._

 

* * *

 

**15 March 2009**

The skies were still pitch-dark when Juliana awakened in the morning. She usually got up very early even during days when she did not have school. It was habit that she could get rid off. She was so accustomed to catching the sun rise. She rose before the sun even did as one does when they had to see the world in its unknown glory. Her best friend was still fast asleep right beside her. The morning light was falling beautifully on Valentina’s face. She basked on the peaceful expression on her best friend's angelic face. She took in the moment, wanting to commit it to memory-- from the way the early morning light grazed Valentina’s cheekbones. There was something beckoning her to stay still and bask in every small detail about how Valentina looked in that morning. Her eyes swept her best friend's forehead, eyelashes, the tip of her nose and her rosy-red lips. Juliana still wanted to know how Valentina’s soft lips would feel against hers. It took every ounce in her not to lean in and kiss her. She did not want to have to steal the first kiss she would have with the girl she so adored. Instead, Juliana gently ran a finger down her cheek and to her strong jaw line. Her memories of giving a marigold and placing it on her ear was still a strong, vivid memory to her. Valentina looked absolutely like a goddess to her. The sunrise was beautiful but she would not mind it if the presence of her best friend lying beside her would usher the day in in every single waking moment that she would have in her life.

To pass the time, Juliana awaited the sun to rise by the windows. She knew the transition of colors to heart-- how the darkest of colors turn into a kaleidoscope of colors as the sun breaks out in the horizon. The light slightly peeping slowly in between the skyscrapers of the big city. After watching the sun makes it first appearance, she went back under the covers, just lying down and having a million thoughts rush through her mind, but her mind (and her heart) was with the young lady lying beside her. It would be hours when Valentina would come to consciousness. The light racing through the hotel windows flickered through Valentina's eyelids as she tried to bring herself to consciousness. A pair of auburn eyes were warmly gazing back at her. She remembered their night under the stars in Villa Guerrero, how she regarded every bit of the tired beautiful girl before slumber dawned upon her-- has the other girl been doing the same?

"Don't go yet." Valentina half-consciously spoke in her sleep-ridden morning voice, thinking that Juliana would leave in a moment's notice. "I want you here."

But Juliana did not want to be anywhere else. This was where she wanted to be.

Sensing the warmth of Juliana's’s body near hers, she unabashedly drew herself closer and a bit mindlessly rested her head on the crook of her best friend’s neck and shoulders. They had their arms wrapped around each other, legs entangled and the spaces between them so minute. Juliana was so aware of Valentina's breathing, the rising and falling of her chest against hers. Could she hear how fast her heart was beating? Valentina, so unabashed in her half-woken state, kissed Juliana's neck-- startling the other girl a bit but did not let go of her arms around the taller girl. She thought Valentina accidentally brushed her lips on her neck. Valentina shifted her position to meet her best friend's gaze, and they lingered there for a moment.

_Did she know what she knew? Did she also feel what she felt?_

Valentina brushed the tip of her nose on Juliana's, but the shorter girl was more cognizant of how close their mouths were-- that if she moved just a tiny bit more, their lips would touch. Just as soon as she was about to lean in...

_Buuuuuzzz!_

The doorbell suddenly rang and Juliana inhaled deeply in consternation. Valentina rested her forehead on Juliana's and cursed inside her mind. Just as when both of them found the courage to, someone had to interrupt. Valentian got out of bed to check who was at the door.

“ _¡Buenos días, chiquis!”_ It was Lucía, already full of energy, looking fresh and ready for the day. She was donning a floral red sundress and her hair was neatly fixed to a half up bow.

“Are you flying back to New York already?” Valentina asked with a voice soaked in sleep.

“Not yet. We’re flying back on Monday. Eva and I agreed to skip class on Monday.” Lucía giggled demurely. Valentina wondered when did her older sister ever break the rules? Skipping class just to stay longer in Mexico?

“I cooked a simple brunch and I was wondering if you and Juls would you like to join Eva and I for a picnic brunch in the park nearby?” Lucía was very perky. She seemed to look forward to having them join a very spontaneous plan. Valentina remembered that Eva’s suite had its own kitchen and mini bar.

“Is Juls still sleeping?” Lucía invited herself inside the room and ran towards the bed before the younger girl could even answer the question. She took off her shoes and bounced up and down the empty space on the bed. She thought the younger girl was still fast asleep. But she was not. The two younger girls were more than happy to join them-- and Lucía was more than happy to dress the girls up. She was fixing both Valentina and Juliana’s hair while Eva looked on after the girls took quick showers.

“You know what I like most about Juliana?” The older blonde girl asked while she combed Juliana’s hair. “She’s beautiful and she’s the only one who doesn’t know it.”

Valentina could not agree more with the older girl but Eva, who was wearing a matching top with her friend's, harrumphed in the background.

“ _¡Tú también eres muy guapa!_ The most beautiful girl, _mamita_!” Lucía smiled and blew a kiss to the brunette who was growing impatient as the minutes ticked by.

Juliana thought that it was cute that Lucía called Eva _mamita._ She adored the perky personality of the blonde. 

“It’s done! See? _¡Es_ super _bonita!”_  

Valentina could not stop staring at Juliana. The girl with sun-kissed skin had her hair up in a half up bow just like Lucía’s. The older girl applied very light make up on her and lent her some fashion accessories too.

“Get your Polaroid camera! I’ll take a photo of you.”

The older blonde girl made Juliana pose near the window for beautiful lighting. Valentina’s eyes were fixated on her best friend. Juliana felt her best friend’s gaze on her and she blushed intensely.

“Can you take another one? I want to keep another copy.” Valentina sheepishly asked Lucía. She wanted a remembrance of how beautiful her best friend looked that day.

Minutes later, the girls were on their way to Chapultepec Park. It was a perfect day for a picnic indeed. The sun was up and the clear blue skies blanketed the entire city. The air was not too cold and too warm. It was just right. While the young ladies were walking, Juliana could not help but notice the two older girls walking with their hands intertwined. She then imitated them, holding Valentina’s hand, letting her fingers slip on the spaces between hers. Valentina stifled a smile. The young ladies set up in the forested space of the park, under the canopy of trees.

“Chapultepec is like Central Park in New York, isn’t it?” Lucía remarked.

“It is, but it’s bigger.” Eva responded while setting the space up. She brought out the containers containing the meals that her friend prepared. The blonde young lady being extra, even brought a centerpiece of a small vase with three red roses in it. She said she stole them from the reception last night.

“That’s a tomato and basil quiche. I also managed to make crepes in a hotel suite. Can you believe that? So I'll teach you how to prepare one later with berries and cream. This one’s a croque monsieur.” Lucía explained. Juliana adored how the last words rolled from Lucía’s tongue. Her foreign accent was endearing. In fact, everything about the blonde seemed endearing to her. Perhaps, Juliana thought, that was the reason why Eva and her were best friends. Thery complemented each other. “This is non-alcoholic sangria because you two were coming along. Eva made it.”

“Since when did Eva make something edible?” Valentina giggled, obviously in disbelief that her sister would take on domestic duties.

“Lucía taught me how to." Eva proudly disclosed. "Anything she makes is magic!” Apparently, they complemented and complimented each other.

“I woke Eva up at 6 in the morning to go shop with me...”

“Buuut,” The older Carvajal interrupted as she poured everyone a cup of the sangria, “ _señorita_ big spender here took two hours in the flea market before we eventually bought the ingredients and she started cooking. She said we were only going to stay for an hour at the flea market.”

“I love this place! The next time I visit Mexico, I am staying for more than just a weekend. Eva will finally take me around. Won't you, _mamita_?” The blonde prodded Eva as she fixed herself a crepe.

“Did Eva help in the cooking?” Valentina asked as she stole a bite of Juliana’s croque monsieur.

“Oi, Vale! Why are you throwing me under the bus?” Eva nudged her younger sister gently on the elbow.

“She’s not throwing you under the bus, Eva. That’s not a secret. Everyone knows you hate doing housework” The blonde lady exclaimed.  “In our apartment in New York,” she directed her statement to the two younger girls, “she will make up any excuse, and very ridiculous ones, might I add,  just so she won’t wash the dishes.”

“Luce! Not you too!” Eva was covering her face.

The three young ladies were laughing so hard. Juliana knew Eva and Lucía were best friends just like she and Valentina were. But she did not know that they shared an apartment in New York too. It must be nice to live with your best friend, Juliana thought.

“But surprisingly, Eva was very helpful this morning.” Lucía winked at the brunette. They gazed at each other as if they had a secret.

The young ladies ravaged over the delicious food that Lucía prepared. Valentina was just in awe of the older girl as Juliana was. She was gorgeous, smart, had a great personality and apparently a great cook too. She thought her older sister got lucky with having a pal like her.

“ _Papi,_ can you pass the sangria?” Eva’s tongue slipped.

Lucía’s eyes widened. She almost choked on the food she was chewing, and the older Carvajal bit her bottom lip-- as if some secret had slipped out. The two girls were silenced too. Juliana pretended not to hear anything and kept munching on the quiche and guzzled the sangria in one go.

“ _Hermana,_ do you call Lucía, _papi?_ ” Valentina timidly asked.

“Yeah, so what?” Eva was her standoffish self again.

“Nothing. I think it’s cute.” Valentina did not think much of it. She knew that the older blonde girl was such a sweetheart that she had a cute term of endearment for her older sister, who was her best friend. Perhaps Eva thought that calling Lucía _papi_ was funny and cute. Lucía was quite relieved with Eva's save.

The younger girls were craving for a cold treat for dessert after the sumptuous brunch they had.

“We’re going to walk around and grab _raspados_. Would you like us to get some for you both?” Juliana cordially asked.

“We’re good. Thank you though. Explore the park. It's your first time here in Mexico City after all.” Eva was surprisingly, relatively gracious the whole morning. Juliana wondered if Lucía put her under a spell that made her stop throwing tantrums and become a decent human being.

On the way to the food stands, Juliana remembered that she left her Polaroid camera in her bag. She went back for it to where the two older girls were. She was surprised to see that Lucía was lying on Eva’s lap. The brunette was gently stroking the blonde’s hair and they were having a good laugh about something. Eva gently placed a kiss on Lucía's forehead. Seeing Eva being soft and kind to someone surprised her. This was not the Eva she knew growing up. Juliana did not want to interrupt the older girls so she slowly backed away, but she was too late. Lucía noticed her as she immediately sat up and asked her if she needed anything.

“I just forgot my camera.” Juliana explained.

“Of course…”  Lucía remarked and hurriedly handed the younger girl her backpack.

Juliana quickly got out of their picnic spot to give the two older girls some privacy-- it seemed as if they needed it very much. Valentina was waiting for Juliana in the _raspados_ stand. She got a _mangoyada_ flavor for her best friend, and a strawberry flavor for herself, her favorite. The girls enjoyed their cold treats by the lake where people rented paddle boats.

“Don’t get me wrong when I say this, Val.” Juliana began, careful with her words.

“What is it?”

“I feel like there’s more to your sister and Lucía being ‘just friends’” Juliana made air quotes with her free hand. "They call each other  _mamita_ and  _papi._ It's not pure coincidence that I saw them in an intimate position when I went back for my Polaroid."

Valentina was totally not convinced. She knew a lot of girls were very affectionate-- and that included Lucía.  “But, if that’s the case I would love for Lucía to be my sister-in-law. Too bad for Guille though. I think he has a crush on her.” Valentina giggled. 

_Who would not have a crush on Lucía though?_ Juliana thought to herself.

“Do you think they could be together?” Juliana timidly asked thinking it was the perfect time to know what Valentina’s perspective about two girls being together was. This bothered her ever since she entertained the idea that she might like girls.

“I mean, if we were to assume that Eva likes girls and Lucía is probably her girlfriend,” Valentina took a spoonful from Juliana's  _mangoyada_  and talked even with a cold mouthful _,_  “If it were true I won’t mind it.”

Valentina’s open-mindedness about it made Juliana feel comforted, that if she were to tell her best friend that she liked girls, she would not completely hate her or possibly throw away the good friendship that they had-- that even though her feelings might not be reciprocated, she thought of that possiblity, she felt at ease knowing that Valentina supported her.

“Woman or man, it doesn’t matter, you know? There’s nothing wrong about it if they’re really in love with each other. It's funny because I’m speaking as if I know anything about love.” Valentina shook her head and thought about how silly that she tried to comprehend what an abstract and complex idea love was.

“Well, what do you think love is supposed to be?” Juliana genuinely asked. 

“It’s… I don’t know… Well... I love my _papá_ , Eva and Guille, even Lucía, my friends… And of course, you…” Valentina paused, trying to find the right words that would perfectly inculcate what she thought and felt about it. But also, she was being careful about possibly letting her feelings for her best friend slip out. “But they’re all different. Like what I feel for them is different from what I feel for you.” Valentina stopped herself. She felt like she was trapped in the question she was not ready to answer yet. She knew she loved Juliana but she did not know what it exactly was just yet? Perhaps she had an inkling of what it was. She was just not ready to say it.

“And what about you? Why the sudden interest in asking me about love all of a sudden? Are you in love? _¿Eres tú?_ ” Valentina diverted the attention from herself.

Juliana just smiled and felt the warm feeling within her rushing to flush her face in red. She turned away from Valentina.

“You are, aren’t you? Look at your smile!” Valentina pressed the dimple on Juliana’s chin. ”Why didn’t you tell me? I thought we were best friends, Juls?” Valentina wished it was her that Juliana felt a semblance of romantic love to. She wanted it to be her so bad.  Juliana never told her anyone fascinating in her life. Perhaps if she had to be in love with anyone, it would be her.

It had to be her. It had to be Valentina. But part of her still felt like she might not be the one that Juliana may be pertaining to.

Juliana rested her hand on best friend's knee. “You’ll know when I'm in love. You’ll be the first to know when I think it’s love.”

But she did not merely  _think_ it was love. She felt it-- a warm feeling within her, a feeling swelling within her chest that seemed to arrest her from the normal rhythm of her breathing if she let Valentina out of her sight, or out of her life. She could not imagine life without her.

And that was enough for her to call it love... or call it anything at all whatever it was.

Even with all the words in every language in the world that could possibly fathom what love could possibly be, the simple instance that Valentina rested her hand on hers and held her gaze even with the ambiguity and uncertainty of her response, felt just right. Perhaps love should not be as complicated as Valentina thought it was.

Maybe it was just this.

No grand declarations. No perfect words. Just a knowing look, a settling feeling that this was IT. Love was probably something that felt like an endless Sunday morning.

Just like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was supposed to update this fic yesterday but I was sleepless and exhausted from work. But here ya go!
> 
> Special thanks to xtreasure17 for telling me about that Luceva headcanon of them calling each other mamita and papi! I freaking love it!
> 
> Feel free to tell your fic headcanons too. I adore it!
> 
> Check out my Juliantina Bodyguard AU if you haven't! This one's a fluffy fic-- but that other one is quite the opposite. Like a palate cleanser to all this cotton-candy sweetness... if you're feeling thirsty haha


	10. Let the Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentina visits Eva and Lucía in springtime New York. She has a huge revelation that gives her the courage to act on her feelings for her best friend the summer she comes back to Villa Guerrero. 
> 
> It's the chapter you all have been waiting for ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a one-shot in Luceva's POV on how Valentina's quince occurred. So if you want to have more feels before reading this chapter, here's the link to it:  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/18154832
> 
> P.S. This is the longest chapter so far-- so that explains why this update took quite a while to be posted. This is like two chapters long. 6.8k words of pure gay :3 I feel like gay Oprah. You get a Juliantina! And you also get a Luceva! You're all getting Juliantina and Luceva! <3
> 
> As always, I have songs for the most important parts of the chapter:  
> Luceva theme: https://open.spotify.com/track/44IeABaLLsnFVb7rjzNTzS?si=8ff6vjkUQCKWBo6I6uiO-g  
> And the Juliantina theme song for that SCENE *wink wink* Listen to it while reading that part so you'll be crying in happiness, flooded in feels just as much as I was when I was writing it.  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/0AQDhFnLUd32C8y3cjje9g?si=rFJCJ3FFTOSNzrJOwQnc_g

**25 May 2010  
** **New York City, USA**

In the spring of 2010, Valentina visited Eva in New York City.

It was only a year and half ago that Eva and Lucía decided to live together. The secret lovers’ loft in New York had high ceilings with wide windows letting much of the natural light in. The exposed brick walls were a nice contrast to the textures of the beautiful oak paneling and exposed beams on the ceiling. It was minimalist chic. The blonde was an artist and aesthetics were a huge deal for her. Everything in their loft had an artistic and personal touch-- fragments of them as individuals and as a couple. On their mantle was Eva’s trophies for competing as part of the university’s equestrian team, Lucía’s framed paintings of her hometowns in Spain and France, a flag of Columbia University Lions (and a rainbow flag that Eva hid when she found out that Valentina was coming to visit), and photos of them together in their vacations. The blonde was quite finicky about keeping their space spic-and-span which ultimately got Eva to learn how to be domestic-- something that she would not have learned had she stayed in Mexico with all their house staff attending to her. The young ladies truly made a place that was their own, that they could both call their home.

During Valentina’s _quince_ , Lucía had promised to bring her to her favorite art museums and galleries all over New York when she visited. Art was a shared interest between them which ultimately brought the two ladies close together. The eldest Carvajal was quite hesitant having her younger sister around their loft, but Lucía was very insistent that she could stay with them since she adored Valentina as much as the youngest Carvajal adored her. Eva was afraid that her younger sister might find out about their secret-- that they were lovers. They discussed it one evening, a few days before Valentina would arrive.

“She’s only staying for a week, Eva _._ It’s not like she’s going to live here forever with us."The blonde spoke, not turning away from the screen of her computer. She was seated on the nook near the huge windows rushing a final paper for her art criticism class. She wanted to get a high grade on it because she was vying to be part of the select few for the study abroad program in Italy next semester.

Eva sat in front of the blonde and tried to play footsie with her. She had hoped to get her attention but failed. “What about our privacy, _papi_? I’m willing to pay for a hotel room for her just a few blocks from here.”

“Don't be silly!" The blonde's fingers continued to click and clack over the keyboard, "It would be fun having her here. You keep telling me that you miss her sometimes and now that she wants to come visit you're just going to say no?, Come on, Eva!” Lucía finally turned away from her computer screen. “And privacy you say? It’s only just a week without sex… or we could find a way around it like we always do.” She shot the brunette a wink.

Eva sighed. It was not just about surrendering and sacrificing their private intimate moments for a week, but she was not yet ready to come out to her sister-- if it ever came to that point. Although she had a inkling that Valentina would be sweet and accepting, part of her still had doubts. “If she finds out about us and she bombards us with questions,” she knew how extremely inquisitive her younger sister could get, “you’re the one answering her.”

“It’s like you don’t know your sister, Eva!” The blonde set aside her laptop on the empty space beside her. “Look. If there’s anyone in your family, or hell, even this entire world who would love you unconditionally, it would be Vale.”

Eva agreed with her. “I know, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be careful.”

“Trust me on this. Let’s have her over here, please?” Lucía was lovingly looking at her with her emerald eyes. How could Eva say no to that?

 

* * *

 

**30 May 2010**

Eva and Lucía had hospitably extended their abode for Valentina. It was the youngest Carvajal's second time in the city that never sleeps, and she had always adored it. Her first time vacationing in the New York was when they helped Eva settle in for university in the late summer of 2007. She was living alone off-campus back then. It came as a surprise to her when she found out that her older sister was living in an apartment with Lucía. Neither their father nor Guillermo even knew about it.

“Is it all right if you stay in the couch, Vale?” Lucía asked. “It folds out and it’s quite comfy.” She sat on the fold-out bed jumping up and down.

“Your place is gorgeous! You can make me sleep in the bathroom’s tub and I wouldn’t mind.” Valentina joked in awe of how beautiful their apartment was. She was like a curious child moving swiftly around the place, looking at Lucía's paintings, observing the view outside their windows, and toying with whatever she could put her hands on. She wondered why there was only one bedroom in the loft. Did Eva and Lucía sleep in one bedroom? Why were they sleeping in one bedroom? She knew for a fact that their father was giving Eva more than enough allowance to live in an expensive city such as New York and certainly a 2BR/1BA loft would have been less than their budget. Nevertheless, she was grateful for them having her over. She would not have appreciated staying alone at a hotel room.

Since Lucía was an Art History major, she knew her way around museums and art galleries in the city. They took Valentina to the big three: MoMA, The Met, Guggenheim and other small galleries that the blonde considered as her favorites. Eva would lovingly looking at her girlfriend whenever she was explaining the significance of the pieces of art to Valentina. She loved it when Lucía ranted about her passion. It was in this moment that Valentina decided to major in Art History just like Lucía. The blonde was even taking aesthetic photos of Valentina to post in her social media. She was nothing but a gracious host to her girlfriend's little sister, but at times it was as if she was spoiling her too much. It was evident that Lucía and Valentina clicked so well, and Lucía thought of Valentina as her own younger sister too. Eva brought the two art aficionados to the biggest art supply store in NYC. Valentina was running around like a toddler wanting everything she saw. She and Lucía were geeking out together-- like they were best friends. Eva started to think that coming out to Valentina would not be so bad after all. But how should she say it, and when should she say it? Those were the questions running in her mind. 

On Valentina’s fourth day in NYC,  the young ladies woke up late. They had stayed up late last night having some friends over (mostly Lucía's artist friends) for dinner and played tabletop games. However, Valentina was too eager to explore more of the city. She told the pair that she would be out in the morning taking a stroll nearby Morningside Park. Halfway en route, she saw a hotdog stand and wanted to buy something. But she realized that she had forgotten her wallet back in the loft so she quickly went back for it. When she opened the front door, the first sight that welcomed her was Eva and Lucía locking lips by the nook. Valentina stood frozen, speechless, unable to know what to do or say. She quickly shut the door and ran towards the elevators with a heart rapidly beating fast she thought she would faint any second. Her face was hot, flushed from embarrassment. She just wanted to disappear and wished that she had not seen what she did.

At the park, she watched the turtles and the ducks by the pond being fed by small children. She was contemplating on how she would explain herself once she got back to the loft, of what she had seen. How should she act? Should she just pretend that she did not see anything? But it was obvious that she did see the couple in an intimate act. The split second that she was about to close the door, she caught a glimpse of Lucía quickly approaching her. She remembered her conversation with Juliana in Chapultepec Park last spring, of how she thought that maybe Eva and Lucía were in a romantic relationship. And she was right about it. There was no doubt in her mind right now. There was nothing hypothetical about her sister and Lucía being girlfriends--in the romantic sense. She also remembered telling her best friend that she did not mind it if Eva and Lucía were together, that her older sister was in love with a woman. She knew what to do now.

Valentina nervously walked back to the loft practicing in her mind what she was going to say to the two older girls. She repeated and rehearsed some lines inside her mind so she would not forget it. She knocked first before opening the front door-- to at least give them some warning. Heaven forbid if she found them making out again. The couple was preparing late lunch in the kitchen. Eva was chopping vegetables and Lucía was by the stove already cooking something aromatic. The young lady pulled up a bar stool in front of the couple and began, “Look, I know what I saw. And I’m all right with it. Not that my opinion really matters here." Valentina breathed in, uncertain if the words were coming out of her mouth correctly. For her, It did not matter because she was not really affected by it. Her happiness was not at stake-- none of her emotions were. 

But for Eva, it did. What her younger sister thought about her mattered because she was family. She could not gaze up at her younger sister. She knew the waterworks would kick in if she saw her youngest sister's sweet face telling all of this to her.

“If it counts for anything... you don’t have to hide from me, Eva. You’re my sister. I could never hate you for something that makes you truly happy.” Valentina walked over to Eva and brought her in for a tight embrace. The older Carvajal began tearing up. Lucía gave her a knowing look, as if to say, _I told you so_. Eva was right about her hunch that Valentina would be nothing but accepting and happy for her.

" _Te quiero,_ Vale." Eva whispered to her younger sister in between sobs. A heavy weight had been lifted off of her chest and she felt like she could breathe again. 

 _"Yo también te quiero."_ The younger Carvajal responded and wiped her older sister's tears.

Valentina turned to Lucía who was looking at them adoringly from the corner. The younger Carvajal approached her and gave her a tight embrace too while saying, “And you know what? It would be awesome if you were my sister-in-law, Luce.” She noticed that Lucía was wearing a Columbia jersey shirt that had their last name _Carvajal_ printed on the back. She assumed that they were sharing a wardrobe too. How could she have not seen the signs? She wondered why it took so long for her to connect the dots. Perhaps it was more obvious to her now since there was an undeniable, first-hand proof that they were indeed lovers.

Over late lunch, Eva’s premonition came true. Valentina was ready to bombard them with her questions-- mostly about their relationship. Lucía graciously answered all of it because she was a sweetheart.

“So who’s Spanish? Your mom or your dad?”

“My dad is Spanish and my mom is French.”

"Do you have siblings?"

"I have an older brother. I'm the youngest. Just like you."

“ _¡Que chido!_ No wonder we get along so well!" The two young ladies high-fived.

"How do you know how to cook so well?

“My parents were never really around taking care for me because they were too busy travelling for work. My brother went to boarding schools but I didn't want to be in one so my _abuela_ took care of me and taught me how to cook all of this.”

Valentina was heartily shoving so much of what the couple prepared for lunch.  Lucía made paella and a side of garlic bread and roasted peppers while Eva made the salad and some flan for dessert.

“So  _hermana,"_ The younger lady treaded lightly on the next question, "does this mean you only like girls now?”

It was a question that Eva had asked herself many times before. But she did not have a definite answer for it yet... except for one. “It means I like Luce, and only her.”

Valentina was afraid to pry further with Eva so she just turned to the blonde and cocked her eyebrow, implying that she was asking her the same question.

“Me? I like both men and women. I'm bisexual. I’ve known it for a long time.” Lucía said the word confidently. Valentina understood that she was very comfortable with who she was-- which explained why Lucía had this magnetic aura about her. She was certain of who she was and who she loved.

“How long is long?”

“Since I was 12… or maybe even younger.” The blonde snickered recalling all of the female fictional characters in books she adored when she was a child.

Eva turned to her, now even more interested on what her girlfriend had to say.

“How did you know?” _Asking for a friend_ , Valentina wanted to say if she were to be criticized for her curiosity. Truth be told, she wanted to know for herself since she was having feelings for her best friend too.

“I probably knew when I was a lot younger because there were times when I would have a strange fascination for older women." Lucía rolled her eyes at Eva who was stifling a chuckle. "And it’s not just because I admired them, that I wanted to be like them, but I wanted their attention so bad and I didn't understand why-- not until now. I kind of wanted to be loved by them. For instance, I had a crush on my sixth-grade English teacher." The blonde giggled along with her girlfriend who probably had the same thought running in her mind.

“How did Eva get so lucky with you?”

Lucía smirked at the young lady’s inquisitiveness. Eva did not challenge the way her sister phrased the question. She knew she was incredibly lucky to be loved by someone who had such a huge heart like Lucía.

“As you know, your sister is a member of the uni's equestrian team. My photographer friend took me with him to one of their show games because he was documenting sports teams for the school publication. I didn't have any plans on that day so I said, why not? I saw your sister with her game face on all the time while she was making the horse jump the hurdles.” She imitated Eva’s look with her eyebrows scrunched together and lips pursed. She exaggerated the look which made it funny.

The brunette elbowed her girlfriend while laughing, "Now I'll be conscious of how I look like when I'm riding, _mamita_!" 

Lucía continued, “It sounds cliché but when she shook off her hair when she removed her helmet," she imitated the gesture, "I was already massively crushing on her. I attended all of their games until I got the courage to talk to her-- and it was like 3 or 4 games after.”

“But _hermana,_ you were with Mateo back then weren’t you?” Valentina asked

“I was.” Eva answered with a mouthful of salad.

“And I was devastated when I found out that Miss Hottie Horse Rider here had a boyfriend. In the back of my mind, I was going...  _why does he have to be rich, smart and good-looking? I hate him!"_   Lucía was doing a stabbing motion with her hand in the air. The sisters could not stop chuckling at how animated the blonde was telling her story, "but I still wanted to be her friend because I thought she was cool.”

"Shut up. I'm a loser compared to how amazing you are." Eva retorted, ready to tell her end of the story. “I knew I saw her as more than a friend when she would always come with me during training, waiting in the sidelines, doing her homework or doing her readings, waiting for me to finish just so we can hangout. She would come to my games even though she had exams early in the morning the next day. She would randomly bring me packed meals that she cooked."

"Food was my way to her heart," The blonde interrupted before eating a spoonful of the paella.

"And it totally helped her cause that she has the most gorgeous face I've ever seen," Eva briefly cupped her hand on her girlfriend's cheek smitten, "I thought to myself-- that's too much effort for someone who considers their self a friend. When she was not around, I felt like there was something missing. I always wanted to be with her. She was always on my mind.”

The way her sister described her feelings for Lucía was the same way she thought about Juliana. She always thought that Juliana was the most beautiful girl she had ever seen-- and it flashed through her mind, how Juliana was willing to take leaps and bounds just to see her. Even when they were kids, she went to their house in Villa Guerrero although she was not allowed. She would walk for 20-minutes under summer heat when she did not have a bicycle yet. She took a 12-hour bus ride to Mexico City just to be in her  _quince._ Most of all, she could not forget all the moments that she wanted to kiss her-- the dance at the pastry shop, their night under the stars, and at the back of Eva's convertible-- all of that raced through her mind.

“When she decided to come with me to our vineyards in Spain for the summer," Lucía recalled.

Eva interjected, "And this was just a few months after I broke up with Mateo."

"My _abuela_  adored her so much. Eva easily won her over. This devious beautiful woman was out to win over the person I loved most. So I finally confessed to Eva. And as luck would have it, she liked me back too.”

Eva reached for Lucía's hand under the table and squeezed it. Valentina could not stop smiling listening to their love story. She was thankful that they trusted her enough to tell her. She could feel her sister radiating with happiness-- in a way that she had not seen her before.

“You know what’s best thing about dating your sister?”

“What is it?”

“Flowers. I get so much from her all the time! Good thing I'm not allergic to them.”  

Valentina was reminded of her childhood years with Juliana-- when the girl with sun-kissed skin would bring her various flowers just because she could not go to the flower fields but she wanted to-- how she cherished those waking moments seeing the various flowers by her windowsill illuminated by the early morning light, how they frolicked among the rows and rows of flowers whenever she sneaked out to play with Juliana. It became clearer and clearer to Valentina that she and Juliana were more than just friends.

“But Luce’s family owns vineyards in Spain and France. If I end up an alcoholic, you know who to blame.” Eva joked.

“The only drunk you’ll ever be is drunk in love with me, _mamita_.” The blonde pulled in her girlfriend to kiss on the forehead.

Eva felt free even with her sister’s eyes gazing at them in awe and adoration. For her, it felt so good to finally show her love openly.

It occurred to Valentina that there was nothing trivial in the way that her older sister and Lucía held each other’s gaze even when they were across from each other in a room full of people, or smiled while calling the other’s name as if it were honey spilling from their lips, or weaved their fingers together delicately when no one was looking. But Valentina was looking (though unintentionally), and it was not mere hands that were locked, but it was their lips. Eva and Lucía's pull on each other was subtle yet full, like undercurrents. What they had was nothing trivial, and it was crystal clear to Valentina.

Eva and Lucía were utterly in love.

 

* * *

 

On the last day of her stay in New York City, Valentina took a stroll around the neighborhood and found a flower shop selling tulips. They never grew tulips in Villa Guerrero because the flower would not be able to withstand the climate. She bought five of them and would give it as a present to Juliana as she would be flying home to Mexico that afternoon. Eva had prepared fluffy pancakes and bacon for them for brunch. Valentina was amused at how well her older sister was being domestic all of a sudden. Lucía was such a good influence on her.

While they were feasting on the food and Eva was busy setting up their vinyl played, Valentina wanted to ask the blonde something she had been meaning to ask ever since she found out that they were lovers.

“How do you know you’re in love?” Valentina suddenly pried.

Lucía took a bite of her fruits and pancake before answering. She was caught off guard, pondered for a moment on how she would answer Valentina’s philosophically loaded question.

“Love is complicated, Vale." The blonde put her utensils down and rubbed her chin. "I think it's not one big moment, but more of a collection of fragments that make it beautiful. Sometimes it works out, most of the time it doesn't. But true love, when you find it, it’s the best feeling in the world." Lucía quickly glanced at Eva who was rocking out to Brandi Carlile's "The Story" beside their vintage vinyl player, "when you look at them, you'll just know.”

Valentina was swirling the syrup on her plate with her fork, looking lost, deep in thought.

"Do you fancy anyone right now?" Lucía threw back Valentina's own brand of over-inquisitiveness back to her, hiding a smile as she sipped her warm cup of earl grey tea.

Valentina looked away from the blonde, attempting to repress the happiness she felt when she thought about "fancying" someone- when she thought about Juliana. "I think I do."

"Well, whoever that person is must be super lucky, Vale." The blonde, perhaps, had an inkling of who Valentina was pertaining to. "You have so much love in you."

Catching Lucía making eyes at her, Eva playfully urged her to rock out with her, beckoning with her hands and a flirty gaze. When the blonde did not cave in, Eva draped her arms over the shorter woman's shoulders. Eva playfully stole the pancake on Lucía's fork and began singing to her even with a mouthful.

> _But these stories don't mean anything_  
>  _When you've got no one to tell them to_  
>  _It's true, I was made for you_

Valentina had never seen her sister this happy and unabashed-- of how she was willingly letting go of control, of being overly self-conscious. Valentina could not help but smile. Her heart was flooded with so much bliss and anticipation. Bliss-- for her sister and Lucía, finally speaking, living and loving their truth; and anticipation-- for when she could have something like it. She imagined herself and Juliana being this way. How she wished for them to be that way.

To be unabashedly in love.

What Eva and Lucía had was palpable. It was as if she was watching a flower bud finally blossom, petals slowly unraveling to expose a spectacular bloom. Spring was undoubtedly in the air.

 

* * *

 

 **8 June 2010  
** **Villa Guerrero, Jalisco, Mexico**

The raggedy delivery truck from the flower plantation was headed to drop off some orders in a local florist shop in the plaza. Valentina rode in the flatbed with the bundles of various flowers, enjoying the warm summer breeze of the countryside again. Their private driver would not be in town yet until the afternoon and she could not wait to see Juliana that was why she insisted on riding at the back of delivery truck. She thought it would be a fun, little adventure. It was good to be back in the small town. She had not been in Villa Guerrero last summer after her  _quince_ because their father took her and her siblings to a trip in East Asia. León actually had a business trip to China but they went to Japan and South Korea afterwards. It was the longest time she had been away from Villa Guerrero, from Juliana. And there was no person in the world that she missed most but her best friend.

After her trip from New York, Valentina suddenly had a different perspective of the world. She had a new found courage within her, seeing how wonderful what Eva and Lucía had. She was jet lagged and tired but it did not matter because she was too excited to see her best friend. She did not tell her that she had arrived last night. Juliana thought that she was still in New York with her sister. She was holding the box of tulips she got from New York and a bag full of souvenirs from her trip from the other side of the world. Valentina entered the pastry shop quietly, surprised that Juliana was not in the station of the cashier where she usually was. The owner, Perlita, was not around too. They were all probably at the kitchen. She set her gifts on a table and tapped the bell at the counter. She heard a commotion at the back. Valentina vaguely heard Juliana's voice. The kitchen doors swung open and Juliana was floored seeing Valentina.

"You didn't tell me you were coming!" Juliana hurriedly removed her flour-dusted apron and wound her arms as tight as she could on Valentina. She could not believe that her best friend was in front of her. She had been pining for her for a long time. Her best friend's absence in Villa Guerrero last summer actually worried her because she might have thought of her differently after attempting to kiss her numerous times when they were in Mexico City. She was relieved that none of that was true and it was just all in her head.

The taller girl felt elated, Juliana's familiar scent swished all around her which made her draw her even closer. "I wanted to surprise you. You came to my _quince_ unannounced so we're even now." The two looked as if they were not going to let go. Perlita strode out of the kitchen to see why Juliana was so jubilant. It came as no surprise to her that Valentina was back in town. The  _abuela_ gave the blue-eyed girl a hug and told her that Juliana was so sad and wistful when she did not come to Villa Guerrero last summer-- that there was even one time she cried out of nowhere because she missed Valentina so much. Juliana hid her face, feeling embarrassed of the truth revealed to her best friend.

"I missed you so much when you didn't come here last summer." Juliana lamented as the _abuela_ went back to the kitchen to check the goods they were baking. "I know we talk on the phone all the time. But it's not the same as having you around."

“Well, if it means anything. Whenever I'm away, you're all I could think about.” _You are all I ever want to think about_ , Valentina meant. "And I'm already here, aren't I?" Valentina reached for Juliana's hand. She missed the way her heart fluttered with every touch-- accidental or purposeful-- from the one she desired most.

“I miss having our summers in the flower fields just like when we were kids.” Valentina bemoaned, when what she meant was she wanted to make up for the time she did not come for Juliana last year.

“Well, we could relive them. I could ask  _abuelita_ if I can go early today. Let's have a picnic!" The other girl suggested.

"Right now?" 

Juliana nodded.

They bought some pastries and drinks from the shop and went on their way. The two young ladies rode in the back of the flatbed truck, feeling the wind damping their cheeks and blowing through their hair. Valentina asked the driver to go faster and they both threw their hands up in enjoyment. When they felt too winded, they just sat back and enjoyed the scenery of the wide open roads on their way to the flower fields. The Carvajals were not the only ones who owned flowers farms in Villa Guerrero, but theirs was the biggest. The clear blue skies were shy that day and dark clouds were hovering over the small town. However, the slopes and valleys were planted with various gorgeous, colorful blooms. Valentina yearned to see these sights for a long time. It was just as breathtaking as she could remember it. But not as breathtaking as the young lady who was right beside her.

Valentina was uncertain whether it was from the jetlag or from being too enchanted with the presence of her best friend that made her light-headed. Juliana was talking about something but she could not bring herself to be attentive. Her eyes alternated from Juliana's eyes and her mouth. All that she could think about was how beautiful she was, how beautiful her bright auburn eyes were, how she smelled so good and how she just wanted to kiss her. She forgot everything else-- like how she was supposed to give her presents to her. When Juliana stopped talking, Valentina began.

“You’ve been giving me flowers ever since we were little. Now it’s my turn.” Valentina handed her the box of flowers and the bag of goodies from her travels.

“Ok… what are they?”

“Tulips. I got it from New York because we don’t have it here in Villa Guerrero.” Valentina revealed the flowers that she was hiding. They were five stems of red tulips that she got from New York. It was put in a box so as to leave the petals unharmed. She had been carrying it cautiously in her flights.

"They're beautiful!" Juliana observed the buds carefully, bringing them close to her nose to get a whiff of its sweet, heavy scent.

“ _Pa_ _pá_ always got a bunch of it for me and Eva whenever he went to the Netherlands. They were easy for me to memorize because ‘two lips,’” she tapped on her lips and on her best friend’s “get it?” She laughed. “Healways got us the yellow ones because he says we bring much joy to him and that’s what it represents.”

“And what do these red ones mean?”

Valentina knew her best friend would ask such a question. She knew what every single flower signified, and which occasion they were perfect as gifts. And that was why there was intent in why she chose to give those flowers to Juliana. She lightly touched the bud that was on her best friend's hands.

“Perfect love,” she paused and smiled at Juliana, “true love.”

 

* * *

 

The truck dropped them off in the main entrance of the flower farm. Valentina asked for a rose from one of the farmers creating the bundles they were preparing for delivery. She tucked it on Juliana’s right ear and exclaimed, “ _¡Hermosa!_ ” Valentina took a Polaroid photo of Juliana and as usual, she kept it for herself. Valentina skipped like a child with a spring on her step in the fields.

“Val, wait up!” Juliana grabbed the other girl's hand and they walked hand in hand through the slopes and plains of beautiful blooms.

"How was your trip to New York? Did Eva give you hell? How was Lucía? She's so cool, isn't she? She's the best!" Juliana was rushing with her thoughts. She wanted to know so much of Valentina's trips.

The blue-eyed girl did not tell Juliana about Eva and Lucía being secret lovers. She felt her sister's apprehension about other people knowing even though she never said it explicitly-- it was something that she owed her at least for being honest with her. And she absolutely agreed with that bit about Lucía. 

"It was... life-changing." Valentina finally responded. The adorable moments between her sister and Lucía kept repeating itself like a movie inside her mind. She could not help but beam.

"Life-changing? We haven't seen each other for more than a year and Eva recruited you to her cult?" Juliana humored.

Valentina now had second thoughts with her choice of words, on how she should say that her sister's secret relationship was inspiring her to take a leap of faith with what she had planned to do today. "Eva... she's different now."

"So what is it then?" Juliana was confused. She could not follow what her best friend was saying and she just let it go.

"It's something else."

They had planned to have their impromptu picnic by the tree where they spent most of their time when they were kids, but the weather seemed to not cooperate with them. Before they could even set up, the heavens were already foreboding. Valentina thought it was like déjà vu, when they were in the lavender fields.

"I think we should cancel. The skies don't look so great."

"Let's just go to my house then." The blue-eyed girl suggested.

The raindrops began as a trickle, then to a shower, and ultimately, to a downpour.

The young ladies began running for shelter with rain pounding heavy on their heads. Juliana was running too fast and Valentina was trying her best to keep up. Gasping for breath, she stopped running when she finally caught up with Juliana. She reached for the faster girl's arm and halted her.

“We better keep going.” Juliana turned to Valentina while wiping the raindrops off of her face, her hair drenched, sticking to the side of her face. The other girl was not moving. She just stood still. Juliana was attempting to read her best friend's face. “Vale?” The girl with sun-kissed skin weaved her fingers with Valentina, held her hand tightly and felt hers shaking. Valentina nervously closed the gap between them. She was thinking, this was it. This was the perfect time. She would not let this one perfect moment slip again. The other girl's heart was rapidly beating, she felt as if any second now it would beat out of her chest. Juliana breathed in deeply, her eyes looking into Valentina’s then to her lips. She put a hand behind the other girl's neck, urging her to lean in as she did. Juliana closed her eyes and felt Valentina’s soft lips-- delicate and sweet on hers. She gently stroked the back of Valentina’s ear as their kiss got deeper. When they pulled away, the two were breathless. Juliana bit her lip and could not stifle a smile no matter how hard she tried. She finally had the courage to do something she had wanted to do all those years. But the other girl was not yet satisfied. Valentina pulled Juliana in once more, her arms wrapped around the shorter girl’s waist, drawing her in to a more passionate kiss. They stayed there, lost and engulfed in the moment, as if they were the only people left in the world. No one to chide with intrusive eyes and nothing to bar them from attaining what they wanted most.

The young ladies were all smiles running through the fields on their way to the mansion. In Valentina's room, they peeled each other's soaked clothes. Seeing each other naked for the first time in all their years being friends. 

“You know? I can remember something happening like this before.” Valentina spoke as she was drying Juliana's hair with a towel.

“But this,” Juliana swallowed hard as she beheld Valentina in her bareness, “this is a lot better.” The tips of her fingers timidly tracing the other girl’s jawline, her neck, down to her breasts. Valentina made a line of kisses from Juliana’s neck to her jawline and nervously cupped her hand on her breast. A moan escaped the other girl's mouth. Juliana collapsed on the bed and Valentina laid beside her, her blue eyes burning with desire. They began kissing once more, skin on skin, with no space between them. Valentina's hands, exploring the other girl's uncharted body, lightly grazed her between the legs. Juliana swallowed hard. 

“Val? I haven’t done this before.” Her voice shaky. She knew she wanted Valentina but did not know how they would go about it.

“I haven’t done this either.” Valentina had not thought about much how to be intimate with someone. The two young ladies laughed. It was both their first time. She just knew that intense feeling of wanting to be with Juliana for such a long time had swollen up within her. She wanted her most. “We don’t have to do anything more if you want other than this.” Valentina playfully pressed Juliana’s chin dimple and traced her bottom lip with her thumb before kissing her again. 

Even with their anxiousness, the two felt right being together. "I'll tell you if I like it and you tell me how you like it?" Juliana caught Valentina’s hand and kissed each of her knuckles. Valentina slowly crawled on top of her and Juliana drowned in the beautiful blue of her best friend's eyes. She ran her fingers on Valentina's hair and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. Juliana nestled her face on Valentina's neck, lavishing her with pecks and grazing her lips on her collarbone. Juliana felt the other girl's hand slowly making its way down between her legs once more. She gazed at Valentina and caught her lip with her own to stifle a moan, getting aroused with every touch. This was what she wanted. She wanted Valentina the most.

 

* * *

 

Valentina awoke from their quick nap with the faint light of the dying day peering through her bedroom window. Juliana’s limbs were still splayed around her, her light-kissed skin glowing from the remnants of dusk. She delicately ran her fingers on the other girl's arm laid across her waist keeping her close, as if she were afraid that she was going to fade away.

She was not. There was nowhere else in the world she would rather be; no other person she would rather be with.

Juliana's long lashes began fluttering like a butterfly as she slowly came to consciousness. The two girls gazed at each other smiling. Not saying a word, but words could not suffice for the happiness that filled both of them. Basking in the afterglow, she drew her lips to Juliana once more. She felt her best friend smiling into the kiss. 

"Remember when you asked me if I was in love with someone?" Juliana finally spoke, breaking the mesmerizing silence between them.

"Mmhmm?" Valentina muttered with a sleep-ridden voice.

"I think I've always been." She delicately caressed Valentina's cheek and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. "With you."

Valentina recalled what Lucía said about true love: about how it was more of fragments than one big moment. This was a big moment-- and yet, she understood what the older girl meant. Juliana, to her, was every wish she made whenever she blew the fuzz off of wild dandelions or a candle in her birthday cake; she was the residual scent of lavender in a lazy summer afternoon; the constellations that she hoped she could name deftly in the clear countryside night sky, burning stories in her heart as she wished upon them too; she was the sun dripping like sunlight in every sunset, a tangerine dream wherever she was in any corner of the world; flowers in the rain; soft lips and softly whispered confessions; and an inescapable feeling that she longed to name. 

The rain was still pouring outside, pounding hard just like Valentina's heart with Juliana's confession. She was like rain to her, she happened to her over and over again, both in fragments and in one big moment-- a trickle, a shower, and ultimately, a downpour. Juliana was everything to her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a sucker for that kiss in the rain cliché, ok? And the reason why I didn't make them kiss in the quince is because it made more sense that their first kiss would be in a significant place where their friendship (and their love) blossomed (oooh love my pun right there!). The flower fields was a no-brainer.
> 
> But we still got a long way to go, frands! Half-way through.
> 
> P.S. Dedicating this chapter to my new AO3 buddy, CatsShadow-- Cat/Drama Llama. Happiest of birthdays, bud! You may now change the topics of your crack fics of me interrupting Juliantina kisses lol I have so much fun reading them!


	11. Golden Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A striking revelation stirs up some intense Carvajal family drama. What does this mean for Eva and Valentina?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for the last parts of the chapter: https://open.spotify.com/track/661ZfXbuoFYd3NkgnqaQ3v?si=mk-cM5sxRZKWy-Xwz3BKVg

Eva was the Carvajals’ golden girl.

Among the Carvajal children, she was the brightest-- the thinker, the genius, the one who made everything look so effortlessly easy that it seemed unbelievable. Enviable. The eldest always graduated first in class. She could speak four languages fluently which included Spanish, English, French and Nahuatl. She rode horses competitively ever since she was young and placed in most of the competitions she was in. She even had the beauty to boot with her brilliance. Like her younger sister Valentina, she had magnificent brown locks and big, bright cerulean eyes that seemed to mirror the seas and skies of the Mediterranean. Her posture commanded attention; her gait, exuding so much confidence that she would easily stand out in a crowd. She too was the most opinionated among the Carvajal bunch. She was unafraid to speak her mind, and her brashness got her trouble more often than not. But she held herself with so much tenacity that no one could ever deny her-- one would be afraid to deny her. However, Eva was quite the perfectionist-- Little Miss Perfect, the know-it-all. Sometimes, that quality became a huge detriment to her. Whenever she was faced with failure (and it so happened rarely), she had a tendency to self-destruct, to take it hard, and take a significant amount of time to recover from it. But as soon as she did, she rose up even stronger than before. She always brought honor and lived up to the prestige of their name. Evangelina Carvajal always wanted to be the best-- and she undoubtedly was.

Her beloved, Lucía Borges, had eyes the color of emeralds, skin that was as flawless as porcelain, and beautiful long golden hair.

Gold.

She had a heart of gold. Perhaps she shared the illustrious title of ‘golden girl’ with Eva. Lucía was just as stunning and spectacular as Eva. The blonde was a prolific artist and a gregarious learner as much as her love was. She went to the best schools in Europe and always graduated first in her class. Lucía was from an equally prominent family that owned vineyards both in France and Spain. She was raised by her _abuela_ for most of her life--which would perhaps explain why she had an incredibly spirited and gentle soul. She had the face and the soul of an angel-- and perhaps she really was one. But she would be a goddess amongst them too because she was breathtakingly exquisite, beyond compare. Eva definitely met her match in Lucia. Together, they seemed to be an unstoppable force.

It was one unsuspecting Saturday morning in New Jersey when this two brillant young ladies met. Eva had just won her umpteenth trophy for another equestrian competition representing her university when a stunning young blonde lady approached her from the stands, quite nervous in extending her congratulatory greetings to the champion. The young blonde was jittery because unbeknownst to Eva, the young lady had been admiring her for afar for quite some time already. She introduced herself as Lucía Borges, a sophomore Art History major from the same university. They started off as good friends, as usual with where good romances always began, until such time, Lucía won over Eva with her charm, free-spirit, warmth and caring nature-- everything that Eva lacked. They were perfect complements of each other-- light and dark, the day and the night. Eva was caught off guard to have fallen so fast and so deep for anyone-- even more so for a woman. But it was inevitable for the two. Lucía had such an effect on Eva; everything that made the brunette put her guard up, keep her heart locked up away from deep emotions, and reasons that made her resent the world-- they all fell away from the love of this woman who unexpectedly came to her life and swept her completely off of her feet. Eva flourished immensely from her relationship with Lucía, but it also meant that there were parts of her she needed to hide-- even if these were parts of her that made her the better version of Evangelina Carvajal.

Eva was the Carvajals’ golden girl-- with every bit of a brilliant, beautiful, and bold young lady that she was. But all of that changed, all of that disappeared in the summer of 2012.

 

* * *

 

 **21 June 2012  
** **_Villa Guerrero, Jalisco, Mexico_ **

It was quite a long time since the Carvajal children were all reunited once more. They spent their holidays away from each other in the previous year. Eva met Lucía's French side of the family in Bordeaux. Guillermo wanted to stay behind in the UK to “experience” what it was like to celebrate the holidays away. Valentina had no choice but to go with her father to Canada on a business trip-- else, she had been left in Mexico City all by herself. The youngest Carvajal fell in love with the country’s landscape with its abundance of serene lakes and picturesque national parks. She adored painting still life there. It was as if nature enveloped her with a deep sense of wonder and welcomed her with a spirit of belonging; it was as if the place was pleading for her to call it home.

After summer, Eva would be in her final year at Columbia, and Guillermo would be in his sophomore year at King’s College in London. Valentina would also be in university in a year too. Like her siblings, her father wished for her to attend tertiary schooling abroad. She had her eyes set on New York University in the US and University of Toronto in Canada. She would also secretly sneak in an application to  Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México in her hometown because Juliana was planning to apply to it as well. Living in the same city and sharing an apartment with her best friend seemed like a great idea. Perhaps they could be like Eva and Lucía, she imagined.

On their first night reunited again in Villa Guerrero, León had asked the kitchen staff to cook up a feast for his children. The patriarch already took his spot in the dining table even with the maids still fixing up the dinner table. He was perusing some documents. Eva soon followed after her father, sitting adjacent to him where she usually sat when they ate as a family. While patiently waiting for the food to be served, lovestruck Eva was scrolling photos on her phone on a recent trip to Greece that she had with her girlfriend. The country was exquisite. But what made it even more beautiful was the company of her beloved. She sighed because she already missed Lucía-- and it had only been less than two days since they were last together.

Meanwhile, the younger Carvajals were busy trying to calm down Guillermo’s new cat _Taquito_. Guillermo’s Asian roommate told him that they have a tradition of naming pets after food because they believed it would prolong the life of the animal. The middle child was almost inconsolable when his former cat _El Jefe_ died just a year ago. He thought to name his new cat _Taquito,_  a Scottish Fold breed,after the suggestion of his roommate. It would not hurt to name his new buddy after his favorite food after all. The cat was stressed from the long flight from UK to Mexico that was why it was antsy. The cat was shrieking across the room and scratching random objects in its way. The two were chasing after it furiously.

“ _Taquito,_ no!” Guillermo suddenly shouted. He could not get fast enough to the feline.

“Uh oh… Eva’s going to be sooo pissed.” Valentina grumbled, horrified at what the cat had done.

“What am I going to do now?" He brushed his hand on his hair, feeling distressed. "Should I just get Eva a new one? Fuck!”

Guillermo rarely cussed so it was cause of extreme worry for the eldest hearing her name accompanied with a curse word. Eva threw her phone on the table and ran as fast as she could to where the two were. She was enraged seeing  _Taquito_ had scratched off her new designer purse.

"Guille! Why did you let him out?" 

León unintentionally looked at Eva’s phone when he grabbed his cup of tea on the table because the screen was still turned on. But what he saw on Eva’s phone made him do a double take. It was a photo of his eldest daughter kissing another woman. He looked at it closer and scrolled to the next photo. What he saw made his blood curdle. Exactly as Valentina entered the dining room, León stood up shouting Eva’s full name. His face was scarlet red in anger. It scared the youngest Carvajal. She stepped back, grasping on the hems of her shirt in fear. She had never seen her father that furious. Eva hurriedly ran back to the dining room thinking that something terrible had happened.

And indeed, something terrible was about to happen.

“Explain to me what this is?” León raised Eva's phone, showing the photo of her and Lucía kissing.

Eva turned cold and felt her heart drop. All the life in her face disappeared, pallid in color. It was as if the life out of her was slowly being taken away. She wanted to be swallowed whole by the ground-- make herself invisible, make herself disappear, or anything at all to get her out of the the horrifying predicament. Her nightmares had come true. Just like when Valentina’s moods changed, Eva’s eyes turned to the color of storm clouds. Her worst fears were coming to light and there was no dark to hide in anymore.

“¿ _Lesbiana?”_

Valentina’s eyes grew wide seeing the photo of her sister and hearing the word coming out of his father’s mouth, as if it was some vulgar word that he was in total disgust to say. She did not know what to do. She was speechless. She was frozen in place and terrified for her sister, and perhaps herself too.

“Vale, I have to talk to your sister. Leave for now and close the door.”

Valentina did as she was told hastily. Guillermo saw her sister shaking frantically while he placed the new cat in its cage. Valentina sat on the living roomcouch and put her hands on her face.

“ _¿Estás bien?_ What’s wrong? Tell me.” Guillermo rested his hand on his younger sister’s knee. Her anxiety was getting to him.

“Eva." The young lady choked on her words as she tried to hold herself off from sobbing. "She’s there with _papá_ …”

“And?”

Valentina was not certain if she should say it now, but she kept her mouth shut. She did not want to be the one to say to his older brother. It was not her business at all to out her sister.

“Who is this? Your _novia_ ? How can you explain this photo of you kissing another woman?” León’s tone was aggressive.  “ _¿Eres lesbiana?_ ”

Eva could not speak. It was as if she lost her voice the moment the word _lesbiana_ was uttered by father in a nauseated tone-- as if she was disgusted with herself in that moment too. She could not help herself. Her tears ceaselessly rolled down her cheeks at her father's tirades. She was irate, sullen and nervous all at the same time.

“You are a Carvajal! What would people think?”

It was just like how she thought it would be-- her father uttering those lines that he had always said to them. Everything they did and whoever, whatever they were always had to be anchored on their reputation and how the people viewed them. Hearing that for the thousandth time made her feel irked at her last name more than being called a lesbian by her father.

“Who is this? Evangelina, _contéstame, ahora mismo!_ ”

“Lucía Borges.” Saying the name of her love usually wafted her with the feeling of comfort, of wonderful butterflies in her stomach. But saying it to her father felt like forcing out a lump in her throat. It hurt to say her beloved's name to someone who thought her love to be immoral.

“Does she study in your school too?”

“She does, but this does not…” Eva tried to explain herself.

“You are both bringing shame to your families," León interjected. "To names that your families have painstakingly brought up!”

Eva raised her voice. “There’s nothing wrong with it! I am...” Eva was so mad at her father for cutting her off when she tried to explain her side.

“You live on your own in the US for a few years and now you follow their corrupted culture of being liberal? I did not raise you to be like this!”

“Do you think I wanted to be like this, _papá.”_ She finally found her voice. There was no more running away from the truth when everything she had was laid on the line. She had to fend for herself. It was a moment of fight or flight. She knew what she had to do. “And there’s nothing wrong with who I am or who I choose to be with!”

“You’re going to end things with that disgusting lesbian or you’re going to be left out of this family. _¿Entiendes?_ ”

Fueled with rage, without thinking of the consequences thoroughly, she shouted, “Then I don’t want to be in this family anymore!” Eva ran out of the dining room in tears. The doors slammed with force.

“Leave then! When you go with your lesbian lover, you are no longer welcome in this home. You are no longer a Carvajal!”

Valentina and Guillermo looked at each other when they heard their father’s bitter and spiteful words. Guillermo, who had no idea what was going on, was in utter shock with those words that he heard. 

_Lesbian. No longer a Carvajal._

He sat beside his younger sister, unable to speak as well. It dawned on him that his sister was being disowned for her sexuality. What was supposed to be a blissful dinner reunion for the Carvajals turned into a disaster with Eva's accidental outing. León lost his appetite to eat and just stayed at the mansion's veranda drinking his expensive tequila. The younger Carvajals ate dinner in silence, but could not enjoy their meal knowing that a huge secret had been revealed.

In that moment, Eva was still every bit of a brilliant, beautiful, and bold young lady. But because she dared to love a woman just like her, for León she was no longer the Carvajals' golden girl.

 

* * *

 

Worried about her older sister, Valentina went to check in on Eva.

“ _Hermana…_ I brought you something to eat.” Valentina knocked on her older sister's bedroom with a plate of food in hand.

“Go away, Vale. I don’t need your pity.” Eva shouted behind the closed door.

" _Por favor..._ " Valentina waited patiently. It did not matter if she had to wait all night. She wanted to make Eva feel better. “I’m not here to shame you. I’m here to tell you that I think it’s unfair…”

Eva suddenly opened her door forcefully, her eyes were full of ire. “You told _papá,_ didn’t you?” The older Carvajal remembered seeing her in the dining room with their father before she was denounced.

“I didn’t, Eva. Believe me!”

“Where else would he know? You’re the only one who knows about Lucía and I.”

“Eva, no. I would never do something like that.”

Eva tried to compose herself and wrap her mind about the occurrences. She believed Valentina when she recalled that she had frantically ran out of the dining room, leaving her phone on standby with an incriminating photo of her and her girlfriend. She absolutely felt stupid. Her paranoia of being outed for those years were for nothing. She outed herself in a bashful, dumb accident. She cursed underneath her breath. “Well, it doesn’t matter now because he knows.”

She went back inside her room and sat on the edge of her bed. Valentina invited herself inside and sat beside her. “You were never wrong to fall in love, Eva. You know that, right?” Valentina gripped her sister's hand and squeezed it.

Eva broke down and allowed herself to be vulnerable around her younger sister. She began to bawl once more and threw her arms around her younger sister tightly-- wanting the comfort of someone who had her side. Valentina did. She had her sister's side. Eva was never wrong about her sister. The youngest Carvajal had such a pure and tender heart. 

“You're leaving?” The younger Carvajal caught sight of her sister's belongings arranged at the side of her bed.

“I can’t be here, Vale. I’m going back to New York.”

"Let _papá_ cool off for a bit. He was too heated and could not think clearly. Maybe he'll change his mind." Valentina was optimistic. She did not want to lose her sister. 

“No, Vale. I've made up my mind.” Eva was stubborn and defiant. "I'm leaving. I already know what he's going to do." She thought ahead of what was going to happen if ever she was disowned. "I don't care. I'm walking to the bus station even if I have to."

The younger lady understood that her sister had already decided-- and there was no changing her mind. She knew her sister very well. However, she still wanted to be of help. "Hold on. I know someone who can help us."

Valentina called Juliana asking her for a tiny favor, apologetic that their first meeting this summer would be in such a hurried, haphazard moment. She asked if she knew anyone who could drive them to the bus station. Lucky for them, Juliana's childhood friend Sergio drove one of the delivery trucks for the Carvajals in the flower plantation. The young lady just promised him free pastries for a week from the shop if he drove them to the bus station without any questions and without anyone knowing. He immediately said yes-- for the sake of sweets.The Carvajal girls sneaked out of the mansion without getting detected by their house staff. Juliana and Sergio were waiting for the sisters a few meters away from the entrance of the mansion. Valentina hugged Juliana tightly upon seeing her, whispering that she would explain things later on. Seeing Juliana's beautiful face calmed Valentina. Although she wanted to be alone with her best friend, she had to be there for her sister first. En route to the bus station, Juliana felt the tension from the two sisters. She was afraid to ask-- and perhaps it would be the wrong time since Sergio would be listening in too. 

As soon as they were dropped off in the bus station, Valentina asked Juliana. "What's the fastest way to get to Mexico City?" 

“There’s a bus going to Guadalajara in 15 minutes." Her best friend responded while looking at the bus schedules. "There are flights in the morning from there to the capital.”

The two sisters were whispering to each other, planning their next move. Both of the Carvajals looked very stressed out, like they have been crying just moments ago. A bad feeling sunk within Juliana. She felt extremely anxious. “What happened?” She sheepishly approached.

Valentina looked at Eva, as if to ask if it was all right to tell her best friend. But Eva was way ahead of her, she was ready to say it. There was no use in hiding anymore. “I have to leave because our father disowned me. He found out that Lucía is my girlfriend.”

Juliana looked at Valentina with her mouth agape in disbelief-- not because she had an inkling that the two older girls were together, that her suspicions were affirmed, but rather, their father would be that callous to disown his own child. He knew León was a kind man, but he never thought that he would go to the extent of disowning his daughter for liking women. Eva had always been mean to her ever since they were kids, but she felt extremely sorry for her. She empathized with her.

"Let's get you out of here as fast as we can then."  

The 4-hour bus ride going to Guadalajara was agonizing for the three of them. None of the girls were able to get some sleep on the bus. Juliana watched the silhouette of mountains from the distance and the stars peeking behind them. She looked at the sisters from the row across her. Valentina was laying on Eva's shoulder, both girls looking morose. It worried Juliana that something similar might happen to her if ever she told her _mamá_. Worse, Valentina might suffer the same fate as Eva if they continue on with what she and her best friend had.

They arrived at Guadalajara at 3 in the morning and hailed a cab to take them to the airport. The younger girls helped Eva up with her belongings. The first flight was not in until 7 in the morning so they had a couple of hours to wait. Valentina insisted that they accompany Eva in the airport until she had to leave. Valentina was exhausted and fell asleep. Juliana bought cups of coffee for herself and Eva. She and Valentina would have to be back in Villa Guerrero so she had to stay awake.

"I think it's brave of you," Juliana broke the awkward silence between them, "to live your truth."

Eva timidly smiled. She felt the genuineness in Juliana's words. "But living one's truth comes with a high price." Perhaps it was the restlessness that made Eva open up to Juliana, or perhaps she just really needed someone to talk to, someone to vent out her feelings to. "When  _papá_ asked me if I'm a lesbian," Eva paused when she said the word, surprised that she could even speak it out loud, "I thought it was the end of the world for me." She took a sip of the coffee and ruminated on the next things she was about to say, "I still don't know if I am-- a lesbian, I mean. But all I know is that I love Lucía. And people finally knowing about it feels liberating."

Juliana adored this side of Eva-- the one that was honest, soft and capable of genuine love. "Love changes you for the better. If it doesn't, it wasn't love in the first place." The young girl breathed out, stirring the warm cup in her hands. "That's why when you find it, it's worth fighting for."

Eva looked away and smiled. She swore she heard that from someone else. The younger girl seemed to be wise beyond her years with her articulations. Perhaps this was one of the reasons why her younger sister adored this friend of hers. When they were kids, Eva thought that Juliana was just abusing her sister's generosity. They were the Carvajals, one of the richest families in Mexico, and Juliana was only a farmer's daughter. Valentina had so much to give to her materially-- but unbeknownst to her, something else more. It finally occurred to Eva that Juliana too had so much to give. She was a galaxy of wisdom, depth, and understanding. She cared profoundly for Valentina. She would not have hauled herself in this Carvajal family drama if Valentina did not matter to her. Her younger sister asked for her help-- and she did not even need to plead, Juliana readily said yes even before the rest of Valentina's words were out.  

“I was wrong about you, Juliana.” Eva finally said her name correctly. “I’m sorry. For everything.”

For Juliana, whatever Eva did and thought of in the past did not matter anymore now. “It’s all right. We were younger then. We didn’t know any better.”

“Thank you for helping me.” Eva surprisingly gave Juliana a tight hug.

The younger girl paralleled the same tight embrace to the older Carvajal and rubbed her back. “You’re important to Val. How could I not?”

"Take good care of Vale.” Eva knew she did not need to say it, but part of her also knew she would not be back in Mexico any time soon. She would not be able to see Valentina as frequently as she wanted. Eva silently mourned the unforeseen future of her not being a part of her family anymore. However, she was thankful that her little sister had Juliana to keep her strong and to also keep her calm. Juliana was to Valentina as Lucía was to her-- hearts that anchored them when they drifted off to fear.

 

* * *

 

On the ride back home to Villa Guerrero, the two young ladies were restless and exhausted. Valentina leaned on Juliana's shoulders and intertwined her fingers with hers. Juliana felt her best friend's sorrow even when words were not exchanged between them. She could feel it. Whatever Valentina felt, she felt too.

“What happens now?” Juliana asked. Her voice was low and plaintive.

There were so many thoughts running in the young Carvajal’s mind. What would happen to her older sister? Would she ever make it through? And what about herself? What about the feelings she had for Juliana? What if they came into light and her father knew? Would she would suffer the same fate as Eva? Just as they were getting close, fate had to impede the great relationship she was starting to build with her sister-- as well as with her best friend. The odds were stacked against her. “I don’t know, Juls. I have no idea.” Valentina settled on those words instead of saying she was scared. She was scared for Eva, but mostly, she was scared for herself.

Instead of going to the main entrance of the mansion, Valentina and Juliana took the long route and walked through the flower fields to clear their minds. It was noontime and the sun shone directly upon them. There were clear blue skies blanketing the plains and valleys of Villa Guerrero. Valentina usually loved this kind of weather to frolic in the fields, bask in the beauty of the flower fields that none can equal but she was physically and emotionally exhausted. She just wanted to lay on her bed and forget that yesterday had ever happened. She wanted to rewind and wish her father had not known.

At the foot of the hill on the way up to the mansion when they were about to part. Juliana leaned in to kiss Valentina on the cheek, tender and loving. “I know it’s bad timing, but I really wanted to do that. I missed you.” Her bright auburn eyes burgeoning with life as she said those sweet words.

"I missed you too." She kissed Juliana back on the lips, reveling in it for a beat longer before she pulled away. She savored every single one of Juliana's touch because for a moment, she felt as if her endless summer days in Villa Guerrero were numbered. She badly wanted to be optimistic, but something within her was dragging her down, a sickening feeling that things would not be as bright and as happy as before. She brushed it off. She surmised that it was just the emotions of yesterday and extreme fatigue waning her down.

"All this fiasco with Eva, I don't know if I like women too," Valentina attempted for an ounce of honesty. "But you make me the happiest I've ever been, Juliana Valdés."

"There's no need for you to know now." Juliana bit her lip and gazed directly at Valentina's ocean blue eyes. " _Pero me encantas_." 

The young lady's cheeks turned into the color of roses as she smiled. Her heart fluttered. She held on to Juliana's words like a secret photo in a locket that she kept close to her heart. She would always keep the moment and her words, the multitude of beautiful blooms and the boundless skies as her witness-- she would infinitely keep Juliana in her heart.

 

* * *

 

 **22 June 2012  
** _**Mexico City, Mexico** _

Eva landed in Mexico City at half past eight in the morning. She withdrew most of the funds she had in her account before her father could close it down. Being disowned meant that she would no longer be financially supported by her family. She was on her own now. It only occurred to her now that her opulent lifestyle would have to take a backseat if she had to survive with the money she had left. She believed she took the high road-- of pursuing what her heart wanted. She let her heart decide instead of her mind this time. If she were to be honest, she was uncertain if she chose correctly. While waiting to board the plane, Eva decided to call her girlfriend.

“ _Papi?”_ Eva swallowed hard, trying to not to let her voice crack as she heard her love’s voice over the phone.

“ _Sí, mi amor._ ”

There was comfort in Lucia’s words. There was nothing in the world Eva wanted most but to be with her love, to have the woman’s arms wrapped around her, her lips on hers, letting her know everything will be all right.

The brunette’s voice involuntarily broke. “Are you still in New York?”

“ _Sí._ " The blonde picked up on the anguish in her girlfriend's tone. She was overcome with a wave of worry. "What's wrong, _mami?”_

“ _Papá_ found out.” The brunette pursed her lips, still painstakingly holding her sobs back. “About us. I'm scared of what's going to happen.” She heard a gasp, followed by a deafening silence on the other line.

Lucia was speechless-- she knew that the rest of the Carvajals would know sooner or later but Eva’s demeanor surely spoke that it went worse than what she had anticipated. She was extremely anxious for her beloved. “Eva, come back here quickly. Come home."

 _Come home_.

_Home._

Eva could no longer hold her tears back hearing that word from Lucia. Mexico was no longer her home-- no longer with the Carvajals. Home for her now was in the arms of the person she chose, and who had chosen her. The future seemed bleak for her. She was full of doubts, sorrow and fear, but she still kept an ounce of hope tucked beneath it all. She could only trust her heart to always know its way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys probably know what's going to happen next because this chapter forebode so so so many things. It's not going to last too long because I also ache when I write angsty stuff-- I gotta dig deep in my sad, sad box of memories. This chapter is metaphorically the deep breath you take before submerging yourself underwater. But maaan, am I excited to show you what's in the surface when we all come up for air ;)
> 
> If you need something to soothe the pain, just read my Bodyguard AU fic. I just throw hilarious scenes and Juliantina sexy times there. 
> 
> Btw, do you guys want to join a group chat where we talk about my fics? I'll be sharing some personal content there-- like why I chose the specific songs in the fic and a sketch of what Valentina's hideout looks like in the Bodyguard AU fic etc. Lemme know in the comments or shoot me an ask in Tumblr if you want me to make a group chat. I'm sapphichaux in Tumblr btw.
> 
> Edit: this is the link for the Kik group chat  
> kik.me/g/UQUlNXbS_LTBQ6xqBsjjd4zV1r4  
> Or just add me up as "xychedelics" in Kik so I can add you to the group :)
> 
> P.S. @kiarcheo see those pockets of sunshine through the dark cloud of angst? I'm not too harsh lol :)


	12. Head Over Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ripple effect of Eva's accidental coming out is received differently by Juliana and Valentina. This causes a rift in their relationship. The chapter that everyone is dreading-- but is obviously very important in the storyline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anything else...  
> I'm not sorry for the angst.  
> trololol ^^v
> 
> The soundtrack to this chapter is mostly sad gay songs by Julien Baker, Phoebe Bridgers and boygenius.  
> But the main song on repeat while I wrote this was: https://open.spotify.com/track/2HwwGKPcI0rqnsFCqATXuj?si=WFat7DjyTKu39Mj5jlUJiA

**_5..._ **

 

There is no love like the first.

Nothing as heartstopping, as breathtaking, as all-consuming, as life-changing as the first realization that this might be it. This might be the feeling that everyone so painstakingly pursued all their lives. This might be it.

This might be love.

The type of love when one dove in head first, blindly, without any hesitation, willingly wanting to break hearts including their own just for the taste of that one sweet love. But little did people know first loves came with a hefty price-- a price that was equally proportional to the love given when fate, for some reason, took it away.

Ever since the fateful meeting of the two young ladies in the summer of 2001, Juliana had always counted down the days until Valentina would come back to Villa Guerrero-- to months full of sun, full of hope, full of bliss-- and when for the first time she realized what she profoundly felt for her best friend, the days became full of love.

Full of Valentina.

Valentina who had bright eyes the color of heavens, whose beauty and heart could pull those exact heavens closer to the earth-- perhaps because she belonged to the heavens herself with a gentleness that saints would be jealous of, envied her for. She counted down for those seemingly endless summer days every year. And the rest was put into oblivion.

But In the summer of 2013, she no longer counted down for those momentous days. She no longer had the reason to.

 

**_4…_ **

 

**12 June 2012**

Love is living your truth.

 _I think it's brave of you to live your truth--_ Juliana remembered telling Eva on the night the eldest Carvajal erratically made an escape after accidentally outing herself. She extended those kind words because she had an inkling of how Eva felt in those moments when she was not ready to divulge her truth, although she was already living it with Lucía. Those emotions of fear, sadness, regret and anger were like a Pandora's box whose hatch was unintentionally opened. She empathized with Eva as much as she knew how difficult it was to put on a brave face in spite all of it. She admired Eva in that aspect. The thought kept Juliana wide awake in the past nights-- of living her own truth too. She had known it for quite some time now that she adored and was attracted to women. It was a fact that she had ruminated on before, but had never fully come to terms with. Not until now when her emotions for Valentina were clearer more than ever.

However, Valentina had not reached out to Juliana in the past days ever since the unfortunate incident with Eva. Juliana had asked her numerous times if she was fine, but she did not receive any response from her best friend. It made her anxious. It worried her that Valentina might have suffered the same fate as Eva-- the only difference was, there was no one, nowhere for her to run to who could provide her with solitude and shelter. She could not extend those to her even if she badly wanted to. Juliana herself was not living her truth. In those days after Eva's episode, Juliana was never the same. She was no longer her perky self-- and most of it was caused by her best friend’s sudden absence in her life. There was no zest or zeal in the things she did, as she usually had. All these thoughts piled up in Juliana's head. It took a toll on her. They were not just a little bit of bothersome to her. It was eating her up inside. And Lupita noticed this.

In a fight or flight situation, a mother's first response was to fend off the prey when it saw its child in danger. She would challenge it head on even if it caused her her own life. When the mother saw her child hurt, she felt the hurt twice as much. Lupita was in anguish seeing Juliana in sorrow and in pain, though she had no wounds, no bruises to show for what she felt. Worse, Lupita had no idea what was causing all of it. The mother cautiously approached the subject with Juliana but she was only met with her daughter's coldness. On one weekend, she cooked Juliana's favorite dish, _tamales,_  hoping it would lighten up her mood, make her open up with what was troubling her. It was enough to console and boost the young lady's spirits up, but only for a while. Juliana was grateful, but she was still emotionally distant. Lupita tried to understand her daughter and let her know that she was there for her when she needed someone to talk to. But this was Juliana's way of coping-- keeping some distance and letting her ruminate in her own thoughts. Her emotions would spill out when she was ready.

And that day, when Juliana felt she was ready, finally came.

Juliana came home from work, taking back with her some _churros_ from the pastry shop-- thinking that food perhaps would quell the tension that she would raise that evening in her revelation. She sheepishly approached her mother in the kitchen after dinner, attempting to sound cheerful. But Lupita knew that something was off from her daughter's demeanor, like how she seemed as if she was hiding something. Juliana stood silent for a moment watching her mother wash the dishes.

Lupita felt her daughter's eyes on her. She turned around momentarily to ask, “ _Mija?_ Is there anything wrong?”

“I... I'm going to tell you something important. But when I tell you, please don’t hate me.” Juliana braced herself for the worst, but she thought that if she did not say it now, she might never again. She had been building up the courage to say it in the past days-- perhaps even months and years. This was it. It was now or never. Although she was quite half-hearted in what she was about to reveal, there was no more backing out from the way she started off her words.

Lupita dried her hands off and walked towards her daughter. She was rather uneasy with how her daughter phrased herself-- of how she included the word _hate_ \-- as if there was anything that her daughter would do to ever make her feel that way for her (there was not). The woman laid a half-damp, cold hand on her daughter's shoulder.  “I could never hate you, Juli. You're every bit of perfect to me.” Lupita smiled and gently pressed Juliana's chin dimple.

Juliana mustered up a smile, but she felt the warmth rising up to her face hearing those somewhat assuring words from her mother. She could not help it. The corners of her eyes began welling with tears. “I've known this for quite a while now, _mamá_." The young lady's voice shook. She looked down on her fingers, clasped around each other so tight before she gazed up at her mother who had an intensely worried look painted on her face. Juliana exhaled out the words, "I like women."

Lupita was speechless at first, trying to grasp what Juliana had said and the entire moment at hand. Her heart was beating rapidly at her daughter's revelation. Did she say what she thought she really meant? Was her dear daughter Juliana attracted to women? She studied the young lady's face, the corner of her lip quivering from desperately holding back her tears when it was very apparent that she wanted to collapse in her own being.

The young lady found more courage in saying the words as she continued, " _Soy_ _lesbiana."_

Lupita perhaps had an inkling that her daughter was a lesbian. Juliana had a certain disdain for men, and she thought it was just because her daughter resented her own father for leaving them as she never got to meet him. The young lady never did have a fondness for what was generally deemed as feminine nor did she ever tell her about boys she fancied. And Juliana told everything to her mother-- well, at least more fully now. The mother breathed in and composed herself seeing her daughter breaking down, weeping before her-- as if she did something wrong. She reached for her daughter's hand, urging her to meet her gaze. Lupita began, "There's nothing I can do to change you if this is who you are and what you're happy with." Lupita took her daughter in a tight embrace and bombarded her head with kisses. "And I don't want you to change, _mija_. I want you to be happy. More than anything in the world."

Her mother's assurance and acceptance meant the world to her, and it soothed the ache that panged within her when her best friend was becoming closed off toward her-- like she was denying her. At least her mother, the person who meant the world to her, did not deny her of the love she so desperately wanted. Love came in different forms but this one, this one was what Juliana needed the most at the moment. As Lupita held Juliana's head into her bosom, like a mother cradling a newborn to calm her down in the brave new world that she was about to discover, Juliana felt a wave of happiness, of comfort, and a new sense of being in her mother's acceptance.

" _Tranquila, tranquila."_  Lupita cupped her daughter's face and wiped away her tears gently with her thumbs. She always knew that her girl was brave ever since she was little, ever since she nestled her for the first time in her arms. Indeed, she was. She adored her daughter with every ounce of her being although there were times they could never see eye to eye. She was her Juliana-- and who she chose to love, what she chose to bring happiness in her life entailed nothing but her support. There was nothing that could make her love her daughter any less.

 

**_3..._ **

 

Love is that one good word, that one good reason to fight.

Valentina could not get any sleep after Eva left for New York. She never heard from her older sister. She did not know if she even arrived safely. She badly needed some assurance that she was fine, that Lucía was taking good care of her and helping her get through the difficult times. Another thing that kept her up all night was thinking she would suffer the same fate as Eva did. Now that she understood that her feelings for Juliana were more than friendly and was leading to love (if not love itself), she needed to be more cautious with her actions. It was plausible that her father might find out too. She could not bear losing everything that mattered to her just because she defied to love-- to love a woman.

One night, León had called Guillermo and Valentina to talk about what happened with Eva after dinner. He stayed silent for most of the days, pondering on what his eldest had done and who she claimed she was. His perspectives were still quite traditional and conservative. He could not quite wrap his mind around what he had done wrong in raising his daughter that made her turn into a lesbian. Emotions were difficult to get through when it was at its height but he thought he was more level-headed now as he ought to discuss the matter at hand to the younger ones.

“From now on, Eva is not part of this family." León spoke firmly. "You are not to communicate with her, else, there will be consequences.”

Valentina immediately scrunched her eyebrows together, displeased with her father's orders. “ _Papá_ , that's not fair. She is still part of the family and she did nothing wrong.” She was quick to defend her older sister.

“She brought shame to our family, to the Carvajal name! What would people say about her, about us?”

 _Carvajal_. She was accumulating more and more reasons to hate the name she was born with. She hated that their reputation hinged on what other people thought-- that it mattered more than their own happiness.

“But there’s nothing shameful about pursuing what makes you happy, about falling in love.” Valentina argued for Eva, but perhaps for her self too.

“Falling in love?" The patriarch had a quizzical look on his face, in disbelief that his youngest would even come up with such an argument. "And what do you know about love, Vale? You’re too young to know about it.”

Valentina was brewing with anger and agony. Her eyes were tearing up, her blue eyes turning into the color of storm clouds. She was offended that her father would hurl those words back at her-- as if she had no right to claim what love was when she thought she felt it. Maybe he was right-- that she was young and naive about all of the trappings of love. But it certainly did not give her the right to deny her of expressing what she thought could possibly be it, of surmising the very reasons why her sister dared to do what she did. She dared simply to love.

“She’s just being who she is and there’s nothing wrong about that! That doesn’t change who she is even if she falls in love with a woman!”

Guillermo agreed with everything that Valentina was saying. But he was a silent young man, the pacifist of the bunch. He never did partake or shared his opinions when they had arguments. He kept to himself. León was aware of the Carvajal girls being extremely opinionated and never backing down from getting their points across-- most especially the youngest. However, he was suspicious about his youngest's intense insistence on the rightness of her older sister's actions. He knew that Valentina always had a soft spot for Eva even if the eldest gave her tough love most of the time. He was riled up with Valentina's disobedience, elevating his already-present emotions of disdain. “Why are you so defensive about this, Vale?" The patriarch pried. "Do you like women too? Are you just like her?"

Valentina swallowed hard. She stopped dead on her track of tirades at the way her father said those words in loathing-- as if she were also to be loathed upon. She turned away, hoping that her father could not see through her soul with the way he was staring daggers at her-- as if he would know the truth when he met her gaze.

" _¿Eres lesbiana?_ ”

Those words flew out of his father's mouth and all Valentina could think about was Juliana-- and she knew in her heart that she was in love with her. She was in love with a woman. If that was what she was, then she would settle for that word that her father kept on speaking in repugnance. She hated the way the word slipped out of his father’s mouth as if being lesbian was something to be humiliated for, as if her attraction, the way she wanted to love was a heinous act. Guillermo neither looked at his father nor his sister. He was once again caught in the crossfire. He did not wish to argue. He thought there was no point in it although he did agree that it was too much to disown Eva, to cut ties with her permanently. Valentina tried to look at her older brother for comfort, but he was sullen, reduced in the presence of their father.

“I’m not,” Valentina’s tone was defeated, the tears from her eyes rolled down her face as she lied to herself about who she was. Living her truth now would make her vulnerable. She would not be able to protect herself if she did. There was nowhere to run to-- unlike Eva. “And even if I was," she inhaled deeply, emphasizing the term of inference as she wiped her tears with the back of her hand, "Even when Eva is, you can’t tell anyone who to love and who not to love." Her tiny ounce of honesty surprised her-- had she come out with that hypothetical line? Did she give too much of herself away? She scared herself about her father picking up on the clues she left on her words. She felt paranoid. She wanted to digress quickly.

"You're not the only one who gets a say who is and isn't part of this family!" Valentina walked away, feeling relieved that she got her anger out of her chest. But she also surprised herself at the way she stood up to their father, the way she spoke. Part of her felt guilty for being disobedient, for sounding disrespectful. But she was only fighting for what she thought was right.

Guillermo stared at his father who had his head bowed down to his hands, his face flushed in anger at the youngest's act of rebellion. The middle child took to comfort his youngest sister because he knew she needed him more. He brought her a glass of water and sat beside her on the back porch. They sat there together in silence. Guillermo was rubbing Valentina's back, attempting to quell her from unstoppably sobbing.

“I can never be brave as you and Eva for standing up to _papá_.” Guillermo started.

Valentina thought about everything that their father said about Eva and the way he was treating her now. It was as if she did not exist to him anymore, or at all for that matter-- how can he do that? How can he forgot everything that made Eva a brilliant individual, his brilliant daughter; the golden girl of the Carvajals.

"How could he do something like that, Guille?” Valentina tried to collect herself in between sobs. "I thought  _papá_ had a good heart."

Guillermo could not completely wrap his mind on it as well, but he felt his sister's anger and fear; anger at the way their father denounced Eva, at his homophobia, and fear that they were going to lose their sister; fear, in perhaps that her love would be denied too. Ever since they were kids, Guillermo knew whatever his younger sister felt and thought even when the words were retracted from him, when her actions made him a good reader between the lines. He tried to console his sister without him fully divulging what he thought he knew about his younger sister, why she felt so strongly about their father alienating Eva.

“When we were kids, Eva was always angry at the world. She always thought that the world was after her, that’s why she thought everything was a battle to be won." Guillermo scooted closer to his sister. "We try to win our battles in the best way we think we can. Pursuing what her heart wanted was what she thought was best for her. Even if it meant hurting the people she loved the most."

Valentina settled, breathing in deeply as she met her brother's comforting gaze at her. The middle child put his arm around his younger sister.

"But you, you have so much fight in you because you care a lot. This should not make you dwindle, feel defeated, harden your heart. You understand me?” Guillermo spoke, treading the waters carefully, because he knew why her sister was acting this way. It was not only because she cared for Eva. But perhaps she too felt the same way as Eva did for women-- or perhaps just one. Juliana.

"And when you think this battle is not worth fighting or you're not ready for those battles, it's ok for you to buy more time to find the right kind of courage to fight for another day."

Valentina adored the way her brother talked to her as if he was a mage, as if he always knew the right words to say to her. He did. He always did. Sometimes she wanted her brother to speak out more. Perhaps things would be better if he did. Guillermo held himself from doing so because he thought his words did not matter. But for Valentina, it meant so much. Even if Guillermo never explicitly said it, Valentina found acceptance and comfort in his words. At least someone was still on her side.

 

**_2…_ **

 

**16 July 2012**

Love is that one good word, one good enough reason to stay.

But as the days went on, it was becoming more and more difficult for Valentina to hold on to Guillermo's words-- of being brave, of having that fight emanating from within her. Eva's situation created a rift between the children and their father. Moreover, Valentina could no longer contact Eva. Her brother left for summer school in the Netherlands a week ago so she no longer had someone to run to for a good word.  Juliana presented herself as a shelter away from the troubles of the real world but the problems in her family waned on her. Everything, everyone felt so far away. She had never felt so alone, so alienated from her family, from the people she cared for the most. The fight within her was diminishing. She was not sure that she had it in herself in the first place. If she lived her truth now, she would be left with nothing. She would have Juliana, and she wanted nothing more than that. But Valentina was not ready for an "us against the world" predicament with her. It was becoming more apparent to her that this world that she had built with Juliana in their younger years up until now-- one where the summers were endless and the love they had just found in each other was just as infinite-- it was a mere figment of their young imagination, of their naivete. She was beginning to think that they were just castles in the air, something that she could only dream of and could never make possible-- not when the rest of the daunting world was seemingly wanting to tear them apart before anything had really begun between them. As much as she wanted to stay in this world that she and Juliana had built, there was a world out there that beckoned-- that this, this may not be the right kind of love. At least not now.

Meanwhile for weeks now, Juliana wanted to tell Valentina of the big news-- that she finally came out to her mother and that Lupita was very accepting. It was contrary to Eva's situation. But Valentina seemed too reluctant to hear anything from her, much less to reach out to her. Juliana even had to plead to Valentina to see her that night-- and never did she plead for anything to Valentina ever. She knew that something was wrong. She was not the Valentina that she always knew-- the one whose "yes" came first before the rest of Juliana's words were out.

Valentina only agreed to meet Juliana because she thought she owed her at least a goodbye-- although it was the goodbye that she did not deserve. It was a goodbye not needed-- because it was contrary to everything that her heart wanted. The two young ladies met by the tree where they spent most of their childhood in-- the tree by the Bird of Paradise flower patch. It was a cold evening. Everyone was fast asleep. The crickets and the rustling of leaves were the only sounds breaking the silence. Usually, this type of silence calmed Juliana down, but her heart was anxiously pounding-- pounding harder and louder than her surroundings. A sick feeling within her was settling although she did not have a good reason for it-- not when there was no confirmation for the bad feeling she was having yet. Juliana waited patiently for Valentina and she heaved a sigh of relief when she caught sight of Valentina approaching her. The light on the torch guiding her way towards her.

Juliana immediately stood up and gave her best friend a tight hug, thankful that she was able to come see her. But Valentina did not return the same enthusiasm. If there was any ounce of it on her face, it seemed forced. She could not look Juliana in the eye. Her eyes wandered elsewhere, anything but Juliana's face, anything at all to stop herself from being pulled in like gravity towards her best friend whom she had given her heart to.

“Tell me if I did anything wrong, please?" Juliana's voice cracked in her last word. "You're growing too far from me. I feel like I'm losing you, Val.” Juliana tried to reach for Valentina's hand but she was quick to move it. It was as if she was irked with her touch when for the past months she reveled in it. She craved it on the days that she was away from Juliana. An awkward silence hung in the air.

Before Valentina could even say anything, she started to bawl. She could not gather herself together. She thought she was prepared to do this, to finally let go, to pour her heart out, but she was not. She did not want to mean the words she was going to say.  “Juliana," her best friend's name tasted sour in her mouth. "I can’t… I can’t do this.”

Juliana attempted to smile even with tears forming on the corners of her eyes. “It’s all right," she tried to brace herself for what was to come. She knew it, but her heart and her mind did not want it to become true. "I’ll wait for you to be ready, Val. It doesn't matter how long. I'll wait for you.” The girl with sun-kissed skin rested her hand on Valentina's, urging her to meet her gaze. She would do anything to keep Valentina, even if it foolishly hurt herself.

Valentina took a quick glance on Juliana's hand placed on hers. She wanted to take it, bring it close to her face and kiss it, but she knew she would only gravitate to wanting her even more if she did. “I don’t know how to make this hurt less," she quickly averted her gaze. She could not bear breaking the heart of someone as beautiful as Juliana, "But I don’t know when I’ll be ready… or if I’ll ever be ready.”

Juliana tried to share part of her courage, from finally coming out to her mother, hoping that perhaps her own courage would persuade her to stick this one out with her. "I know you're scared because of what happened to Eva. But let's see this through, Val. Please?" She let her tears fall even with a forced smile on her face. She brought Valentina's hands close to her bosom and kissed it gently. "I'll be here for you. I won't let you fall. You have my word, Val."

The air grew unusually colder. "But I can't bear to put more hurt to _papá,_ to my family." But more than anything else, she could not bear this conversation she was having with Juliana. She could not bear to look at her love as she was tearing her apart with her own troubles. "And I'm so sorry that this turned out this way."

“It’s not fair...” Juliana spoke faintly. It seemed like a whisper, blowing with the cold wind of the night. It occurred to Juliana that she was not just about to lose her love, but she was about to lose her best friend too. "We've gone too far to be fearful of this, to be fearful of love."

 _Fear and love_. The words resonated on Valentina's mind. She wished that she did not live in fear to love, that there were no barriers that hindered her from fully giving her heart. Was love worth it when fear shadowed its every move?

“But I just can’t…” Valentina took a deep breath. Her sobs were keeping her from letting the words out. She felt Juliana's mourning and pining eyes on her. This was the hardest thing she had ever had to do-- to tell her love that she was not what she wanted, not what she needed. Valentina finally met Juliana's gaze, her ocean eyes welled with tears. it was apparent in Valentina's face that she had been restless, sleepless, spiritless. She swallowed hard before letting the words from the roof of her mouth fly out. She did not want to mean it, but she had to say it. She exhaled them in one sudden, swift breath. 

“I can’t love you how you want me to.”

Valentina felt herself drowning in shallow waters even when she knew she could swim closely ashore-- if only she could give her heart fully to Juliana, without reservations, without any fear. But fear was staring her down and she was dwarfed by it.

Juliana was frozen in place, unable to speak a word. She felt like ripping out her heart from her chest and she could not stop crying. Valentina ran away as fast as she could. Juliana wanted to run after her, but her knees felt weak. She could not bear the weight of her own, her own heartache, her world-- the world that she had built with her best friend, her beloved Valentina.

_Don’t look back. Don’t look back. Don't look back._

The girl with ocean eyes whispered to herself as she dashed through in the dark, afraid that if she did, if she looked back, she would collapse into her own being. A glimpse of Juliana's face was enough to make her come running back to her.

But as she got farther and farther away from her, she saw Juliana in a million fragments in her mind-- her eyes, more radiant than the sun, her fingers running through her silky locks as she smiled into their kisses, her lips on hers-- warm and soft, she wanted to kiss them all day if she could, her hands, her fingers intertwined with hers that made her feel like coming home. She wanted to come home.

_Don't look back. Don't look back._

In her mind's eye, she saw them together as children running through the fields, riding a bicycle together, her arms wrapped around her waist, their battlecry echoing through the flower fields as they took to their adventures--  _to the ends of the earth!_   She saw Juliana's beautiful young face under the falling sun, illuminated by the faint moon and all the stars at their impromptu night under the stars-- Juliana in that beautiful emerald dress in her  _quince._ Their dances-- dances that she had hoped were for eternity. Their first time kissing. The rain falling around them. She was like rain to her-- falling, falling, falling, falling for her slowly then all at once. Their first time giving themselves to each other, pure and innocent. Bare for the other to see, feel, and have. She remembered that afternoon so vividly-- her best friend, her love, so wrapped up in her she felt her heart beating with hers as if they had always been meant to be for each other. In her heart, she knew they were.  Juliana's heart-- heart that gave her everything it had, even though it was uncertain that it had everything that it wanted to offer.  _Pero me encantas:_ words that were magic, that was enough to remind her that there will no one who would come close to Juliana. Juliana's heart-- heart that she denied and broke. She broke Juliana's heart, but she felt hers shattering to a million, irreparable pieces when she deluded herself that she could not love her the way she wanted to.  

_Don't look back._

Even when she did not, even when she closed her eyes, she could only see her love. She could only see Juliana.

 

**_1…_ **

 

**14 March 2013**

There is love in letting go.

On Valentina's birthday, she received a hand-written letter in the mail from Juliana. She never read it. Ever since last summer, she did not return Juliana's calls and messages. With Juliana’s absence, it was much easier for her to go through the grief and pain. It was as if she was gone without a trace, as if she did not, never existed in her life anymore. Valentina felt like she was stabbing her own self during the sleepless night she wanted to tell Juliana that she still loved her, that there was nothing in the world that she wanted but to be with her. To run back to her. But she thought it was better off this way. A fragment of the pain that her older sister felt was something she did not want to go through with.

In her birthday, her father granted Valentina's wish to reunite with Eva. The eldest was allowed to fly home for the weekend. Eva surprised her little sister, holding out her favorite cake with candles lit for her birthday dinner at the Carvajal home in Mexico City. The youngest Carvajal did not want to have a party. She just wanted a simple gathering at home with her family.

“Make a wish,” Eva obliged.

Valentina wished for something different from all the birthdays that she had had before. She just wanted the pain and the fear from loving Juliana to go away. She shut her eyes before she made the wish, but all she could think about was the last words she uttered to her best friend.

_I can’t love you how you want me to._

Did she mean it? She opened her eyes, and blew out the candles. She gazed at the two of the people she loved the most in the entire world, her _papá_ and her older sister Eva in glee in spite of everything that happened between them. Her happiness meant a lot to both of them to set aside their animosity.  Eva seemed happy even with the dark circles in her eyes and a gauntness in her face that Valentina had not noticed until that moment. Her older sister seemed like she was not in a good place, like there was something else terrible that had happened after her accidental outing. She was not ready to pry yet. She did not want to reignite and fan the flames once more.

“ _Te amamos mucho,_ Vale.” Her father spoke as he gave her a peck on the forehead.

 _Love_. Why was it such a bothering word for Valentina, a word that she was getting so tired of hearing, of feeling, of it being attached so greatly with fear? What did it all mean to her now?

_I can’t love you how you want me to._

Those words were ghosts haunting her. But did Valentina truly know how Juliana wanted to be loved? Even the moments that usually made her happy no longer made sense to her. Life seemed like it had no meaning anymore. Life felt empty.

 

* * *

 

There is love in letting go.

In the late summer of 2013, just as she was to leave for university in Mexico City in a matter of days, Juliana waited for Valentina once more under the tree where they spent most of their childhood together-- hoping that maybe, just maybe, Valentina would come back for her. At least to give her a good word on the new chapters they were to begin. She knew Valentina was going to study in the University of Toronto. Her father probably did not want her living in the same city as her older sister Eva. Canada was a long way to go. She thought Mexico City was far, but Valentina was now living in a different country. Juliana sent another text message last night to Valentina on a desperate plea to meet her one last time, hoping that she was in Villa Guerrero, to save their friendship at least. She had been sending her messages sporadically all year round to no avail. 

Juliana waited on the tree by the Bird of Paradise flower patch, the place where they spent many of their memorable moments as children-- and in one time they engraved their initials on it.

> J+V

She ran her fingers on the engraving, reminiscing the moments that were too far gone now. She sat under the shade of the tree. On Juliana's hands was a letter that she had written for Valentina just a night before. She wrote a handful of drafts, not quite settling on one after the other. She wanted it to be right, for the words to be perfect. It would be her last best shot to keep her best friend after all. It did not matter if they were lovers or not. She just wanted to keep her in her life in any way possible. Juliana opened the letter, reading it to herself for one more time before Valentina would probably arrive.

> _27 Julio 2013_
> 
> _Val--_
> 
> _You're my best friend and I don't want to lose you. You have always known me best, even before my words are out, even when we don't see each other, you know how I feel, a semblance of what I'm thinking. I don't know if that's some greater power working between us, but I'd like to believe that it is. I'm sorry things had to go this way but if you feel like this is the right thing to do for now, then I'll accept it. But I hope we could still be friends even with everything that happened._
> 
> _We're both heading for uni feeling nervous at starting a new chapter in our young lives. I'm scared of being away from the only place I've always known to be home, and I don't know if I'll ever get to fit in anywhere else in the world. I've always been a provincial girl who saw the world with wide-eyed wonder. I think it's odd now that I do have a chance to get a broader perspective of the world, I cower back to my shell. But I know you would not want me feeling that way. It would have been nice to have you to be my guide in Mexico City. I'm scared of what the future holds for me. Perhaps you feel the same way too-- and I would tell you some comforting words I wish I could hear for myself._
> 
> _Your passion with what you do, with art, is very admirable. I know there are days, that like me, you doubt yourself. Never forget that I think you're nothing short of brilliant. When you lose your motivation, know that someone is rooting for you to succeed, to reach your dreams and claim a stake at this world. I would always see through you. I see you and I see the best in you, the best of what's yet to become of you-- and I also see you flaws and all, and still would call you beautiful nonetheless. I remind you of these things that I love about you because I wouldn't want you settling for less than how I see you. If the next person you fall for doesn't see this in you,_ mi amor _, know that someone can love you better. I can love you better._
> 
> _I haven't given you my best yet in our short romancing or whatever this is. But thank you for always seeing the good in me. Thank you for making me feel beautiful things that I thought I would never feel. Thank you for being such a wonderful presence in my life, and I wish you could stay longer. I wish you could stay with me forever more than anything. But I can't hold you back from letting you to do what you feel is right._
> 
> _I hope you would find the courage to push through the things you fear the most, through anything life hurls at you. Be brave enough to see there's strength in vulnerability, of unabashedly being who you really are. You are a good person. My heart has always known it. Never tire from always choosing to be good although at times it could be difficult. I hope you never have to define your own worth from other people. Define yourself. Be brave enough to define you._
> 
> _But if ever there really is some greater power working for us-- find me when you're ready, when you're done looking around and you're certain with what you want. When you haven't found someone else and you're willing to put up a good fight for us just as much as I will, please come and find me. We'd be different people by then but I'll be game with knowing you all over again, re-discovering the beauty in you once again. My heart will always be open for you, and I hope you keep yours open for me too. Find me wherever I may be, even to the ends of the earth._
> 
> _And I'll give you my best. I'll give you the world._
> 
> _I will never forget you, beautiful Val. A piece of my heart is with you. I hope you'll always remember me too._
> 
> _-J._

Juliana folded back the piece of paper, following the creases neatly before slipping it inside an envelope. She pondered on her words and looked on, tears peering from the corner of her eyes. Juliana desperately wanted Valentina back, praying that if there were really great powers beyond them, they would bring Valentina back to her. She could never see her life without Valentina. When she imagined it, she felt empty. Meaningless. Lifeless. The last night she had with her best friend kept repeating in her mind. Her words, leaving a scar on her.

_I can’t love you how you want me to._

The young lady waited for her best friend the whole day. She watched the skies turn from blue, to tangerine, and to a blanket of morose pitch of darkness. These skies that she so adored no longer held the promises she had made. Valentina never came. She never got to give her the letter.

The slopes and valleys of Villa Guerrero no longer echoed their laughter. The flowers no longer had secrets to keep between the whispers of the two young ladies, no more kisses to swoon for, to make them bloom even more beautifully. No sun to look forward to after the dead of night. No more wishes to be made, to be granted.

Because there was no more Valentina.

Juliana was alone now. She no longer had a partner in crime. Juliana stood up and wiped her tears with the neckline of her shirt. She put the letter in her back pocket and sighed. Her words did not matter anymore. Nothing she would say could probably bring back Valentina to her. She began her trek home in the dark with only a new moon above to vaguely light her path. She had waited all day for Valentina but she never came.

In the cusp of summer and fall, Juliana felt her heart wither away. She would now stop counting down the days because she felt the truth deeply cutting through her heart. Maybe it was never meant to be.

Valentina was not coming back to Villa Guerrero anymore.

 

_**0...** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to show a bunch of parallels here i.e. a) Leon and Lupita's reactions to their daughters coming out (although I strayed from canon-- I think it's important to show that contrast) b) between Val/Juls and Eva/Lucia simmering in the love+fear dichotomy in this chapter and om the Luceva one-shot I wrote. (Read it if you haven't)
> 
> BTW, I released this earlier for the people in the Kik group chat but I have it posted on Tumblr now-- it's the social media accounts of the characters especially made for this fic. So check it out: http://sapphichaux.tumblr.com/post/183991101526/to-the-ends-of-the-earth-juliantina-childhood
> 
> If you guys want to join us in our groupchat in Kik, just add me up as "xychedelics." We don't bite and just talk to each other in Juliantina gifs.
> 
> Little tidbit: the date when Juliana came out in this fic is the exact date that I came out to my mom and was embraced with the same reaction too. I call that my 2nd birthday.
> 
> What's the next chapter like? It's still a bit angsty but there will be a nice BroTP that will be unexpectedly formed. Between who? Find out in a few days ;)


	13. Lost & Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentina moves to Canada to study in uni but not everything pans out as she hopes. She falls into the wrong crowd and loses direction in her life. However, Guillermo saves her in her downward spiral. 
> 
> Meanwhile, Juliana heads to Mexico City to study in her dream school. She struggles to find her footing living away from home for the first time. However, she finds an unlikely friend in Lucia as the older lady returns to Mexico for a brief moment. The two begin a special bond 
> 
> Although the two girls try to preoccupy themselves with other things, it is obvious that neither of them have forgotten each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I announced for those of you following me in IG that I would be doing a "Beyonce"-- by that I meant posting both updates to my fics and throwing in a little extra: a Luceva oneshot. Sadly, I wasn't able to finish the Bodyguard AU update. After all, this is a massive update. It's 8.7k words long-- the longest that I've written so far. I had to transfer some parts for the next chapter because it's just too long.
> 
> I'll post the Luceva oneshot tomorrow. Feel free to read it since it gives depth and explains why things happened the way they did in this chapter.
> 
> Valentina's song: "Hear You Calling" by Birdy  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/1WqPIwonvIUNPLBsan06Z2?si=G7BnExgEQdmGpPAGvGOeJg  
> Juliana's song: "Mine" by Phoebe Ryan  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/1RMJfOjuWNkfdjDo038CgU?si=9q1dbfZOTNi0JlqiOgeejg

**27 July 2013  
** **_Ciudad de México, Mexico_ **

In the summer of 2013, León wondered why Valentina was no longer excited to go the Villa Guerrero. The youngest Carvajal wished not to come with him that year without much explanation. Instead, she spent most of her summer days in the UK with Guillermo and back to Mexico City in the last two weeks to prepare everything she needed before she left to study university in Canada. He thought she would want to go see Juliana one last time before she would have to be miles away from her. He knew the two were inseparable since they were children. Now that the distance would bring them even further away from each other, he could not quite wrap his mind around Valentina's coldness to everyone-- but most especially to her best friend, Juliana. What he understood though was why the youngest had grown cold and distant to him; it was because of what he did to Eva. 

In her heart, Valentina's memories of Villa Guerrero were gradually becoming tinted with the feeling of pain. The place where she always felt free and endless seemed to be nonexistent anymore. She did not want to spend time with her father for the rest of the summer, but mostly, she was afraid of seeing Juliana knowing fully how she broke her heart, of how her own fear stood in the way of what her heart wanted the most. She felt like she had lost all right to be the person that Juliana meant to call her best friend, her love.

While Valentina was packing her bags in her bedroom, León knocked and asked if he could come in. The youngest Carvajal was plopped on the floor folding her clothes and fitting them in her huge luggage carefully and neatly.

"Do you need some help, _mija?_ " León offered although he really did not know what help he could extend. He always had one of the Carvajal house staff packing his things for him whenever he was travelling. He was just attempting to reach out to her daughter whom he felt was growing far too far and too cold from him.

"There's no need, _papá._ I can do it myself." Valentina did not turn to look at her father. She seemed as if she was concentrated on such menial task--rolling, folding, tucking things to every nook and cranny just so she can fit all of her things. But she made it seem like it so she would not meet her father's gaze.

" _Mi princesa_ is all grown up." León's chuckle seemed forced, an attempt to lighten the mood, but it was still not enough for Valentina to acknowledge his attempts to appeal to her. He sat on the floor beside his daughter and watched her for a moment. The young lady felt his eyes on her and she packed even faster--rolling, folding, tucking her belongings but in a haphazard manner now.

"I talked to Juliana when I was in Villa Guerrero." He cleared his throat and spoke. He knew mentioning Juliana would get his daughter's attention. He was right. Valentina felt her heart leap-- in excitement for a moment but it immediately switched to anxiety. She stopped dead in her tracks and her father noticed it. He finally had his daughter's full awareness with the mere mention of her best friend's name.

 _Juliana_. Her name sounded like thunder in her father's voice, a break in the rain-like static of the murmurs of her own mind.

Valentina felt a lump in her throat rise up. León had just arrived from Villa Guerrero that day. Did her father know about what she and Juliana had-- what they did and how they felt? Did Juliana out her to him? Was this Juliana's way of getting back at her for not returning her calls and messages? For refusing to see her? For not reaching out to her?

For breaking her heart?

But she knew Juliana would never do something like that. She knew Juliana's heart like her own-- she knew that her ex best friend was not capable of doing such atrocity.

However, the news that León was about to tell Valentina was a good one. The young lady was just too wrapped up in her own paranoia. He told her that he was proud of Juliana for getting into Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México that he offered to pay part of her school fees. Valentina did not know that Juliana had gotten in to her dream school. If she did-- and if she was still speaking with her-- she would have showered her with presents, would have given her an infinite amount of hugs, and a congratulatory kiss. Valentina would have been the happiest for Juliana. Perhaps she would have stayed in Mexico City to study in UNAM with her instead of flying herself off to another part of the world.

León was expecting his daughter to be jovial about it-- or at least for her to have known it before he told her about it since they were best friends. But he could only see a surprised expression and a forced smile painted on his daughter's face. HIs daughter could only respond flatly with, "I had no doubt she could get in. She's an intelligent girl."

She kept herself tight-lipped, feeling that if she began with her praises, although they might seemed force, she would awaken her fondness that she so painstakingly tried to brush off all this time they were apart. Valentina had gotten in to all the universities she applied to. She had the freedom to choose to be anywhere she wished to be. She could have chosen to stay behind in Mexico, and perhaps she would have had something similar to the life that Eva and Lucía had in New York. She and Juliana would have lived together, went to the same university, entered their classes together. She would have taken Juliana to her favorite places in the city, introduced her to the place she called home and wished she could too.

Perhaps they would have had a glimpse of what it would be like to have a life together, a future with each other. 

But all of those were just figments of her grand imaginings in the past. She yearned to call something else home because she wanted to start over again-- to forget that she had ruined the best friendship that she could have possibly had in her life. That was why she chose to study in Canada. She wanted to be away from everything that reminded her of a mistake.

Of one huge mistake.

The youngest Carvajal's reaction was not the kind that León expected. He knew his daughter was always grand with her affections and emotions especially with these kinds of happenings. But she was so different altogether now. Perhaps the girls fought with each other and had a falling out, he thought to himself. But he did not want to pry. He knew better and wanted to try harder now after the bridges he burned with Eva. He came to his senses; he did not want to lose his precious Valentina too for what he did to the eldest.

Having Eva back in Mexico during Valentina's birthday a few months back made his heart thaw out for a bit although she had only stayed for the weekend. Seeing his eldest daughter in a horrible state made him realize he made a very awful mistake. Eva significantly lost weight. Her face was not as vibrant and as plump as angel's as it was before. She looked as if she had not slept in months. She was evidently troubled, but like the tough woman that she was, she brushed it off and insisted that she was fine and she could handle herself. Eva was stubborn-- well, she chose to be called persistent instead. For this, she was indeed right.

A couple of sleepless weeks after Valentina's weekend birthday, León tried to reached out to Eva once more. He had asked for her to come back to Mexico after she graduated so he can train her, groom her to become the next president of the company. But her pride and ambition made her adamant to stay in the US. After all, she found a job that she loved-- and that seemed to love her back just as much. She strayed away from corporate settings because it reminded her of her father and how he hammered it in her consciousness that someday she would have to lead the company. But now, she felt that there was no space for her in the company. She had been disowned after all. Instead of the world of business and finance, she dove in head first into politics, applying to be an intern to the congresswoman of New York's office shortly after she had escaped Mexico in her accidental outing. Having a vast network in the university certainly helped her get up on her own feet. Eventually when she graduated, she was a staff member for the Latina congresswoman. She was dividing her time between New York and Washington D.C. It was a slap to León's face that Eva did not want to have to do anything with the company anymore.

León tried to call Eva as often as he can, thinking that it might bring her closer to him again. But she was too busy with work, and whenever she did have time to talk to her father, she was not in the mood for it. She still felt a strong fragment of animosity towards what he did to her. Because that was Eva. She was tough, and most of the time difficult, but the woman certainly knew how to fend for herself. She was persistent on her feelings that her father had no idea what kind of hell she went through in her senior year in university-- she had no money, she even broke up with the love of her life Lucía, and she had no place to call home. She had no one. She just had herself.

Eva had to forget about her luxurious lifestyle and swallow her pride. Her first job was not something bestowed upon her because of her name, or because she was the daughter of the owner company. She got her first job because she was a brilliant and strong individual-- and someone eventually and inevitably saw that in her.

But Valentina did not know anything about León's attempts to mend the broken relationship he had with Eva. Valentina did not even know that Eva chose to stay in the US, that she even graduated already. She too would have been the happiest for her older sister. But she knew none of it. She mourned the good relationship that she was beginning to have with her older sister-- all because their father could not make peace with Eva's sexuality. She was disconnected from her sister, but more so, disconnected from who she was, who she ought to be.

Valentina zipped her luggage and brought it to the side of her room, just near the door. She was done packing her things and she heaved a sigh of relief. She sat at the edge of her bed and checked that all of her documents were ready. Her flight would be tomorrow afternoon. It was her last night in Mexico City. León was still lingering in his daughter's room as if there was something he still wanted to say, something he still wanted to do for her. He did not know why he felt a strange feeling in the of his stomach that he did not want his princess to leave. He wanted her to stay here. He could not explain why he oddly felt that this was some sort of last goodbye.

"Vale, I don't know what has been running on your mind these days, and I won't ask if you don't want to tell me. God forbid that something similar to Eva happens to you." He broke the silence between them, pausing from his agitated pacing in his daughter's room.

The youngest Carvajal was unnerved with the ambiguity of her father's words. What could he possibly mean by that? Did he have an inkling that her attractions were similar to that of Eva's? Or did he mean that she was pushing him away? She asked herself. 

León sat beside her and calmly spoke. "You'll be in a new place... a place so different from what you're used to here. You'll meet new people who will change you for the better, or sometimes, for worse." The Carvajal patriarch was trying his best as a parent. He wanted to extend some wise words to her. He did not know if he was doing the right thing or even saying the right words to get to Valentina. He did not know anymore ever since he drove Eva and eventually Guillermo and Valentina away from him. But for now, he was trying his best, and it was all that mattered.

"But with the rest of the world trying to change you and tell you who you should be, I hope you never lose sight of who you truly are." León put his arm around his daughter and kissed her on the top of her head and his voice shook. "Don't grow too far from us, Vale. If I've done something wrong, please forgive me." 

Valentina allowed herself to melt in her father's warmth. She was suddenly flooded with an extreme sadness about going away. In dawned on her that she was scared of starting anew in a foreign land all by herself although it was what what she wanted in the past months. She was certain then-- to an extent, she was even impatient. But now she was not sure if it was what she truly wanted. To leave Mexico. To leave everything behind that brought her love and pain in exchange for a fresh start where that same love and pain would not matter anymore. A bitter and morose feeling sunk inside her. As she looked up at her father to give him a peck on the cheek, she oddly felt like it was a tantamount to her saying goodbye for good-- and she could not wrap her head around how or why she felt that way.

"You always have a home here." Her father ascertained her and a tear fell from the corner of her eye. Her father gently wiped it with his thumb and smiled warmly at her. Valentina forced a smile but within her, she was mourning what she was about to leave and the life she could have had if she chose to stay. But she already made her choice. This was it. She was going to leave. León gave her another kiss on the top of her head and an embrace that was a bit tighter now as if he did not want to let go. 

Little did Valentina know, it would be the final hug and the final kiss she would ever receive from her father.

 

 **14 March 2014  
** **_Toronto, Canada_ **

It was always in the littlest of things that Valentina was reminded of Juliana.

Whenever she passed by flower shops and saw those beautiful blooms in every color and form--roses, tulips, stargazers, marigolds, or any kind at all, she knew what every flower meant, and it was all because of Juliana. She remembered every flower she had given to her when they were kids, knew what they meant to heart. Even one mundane petal was enough for her to be transported back to the sweeping views of the slopes and valleys filled with flowers of Villa Guerrero, back to where she and Juliana had spent most of their momentous days and nights together. Back to where and when she realized she was in love with her best friend.

It was always in the littlest of things that Valentina was reminded of Juliana.

When she found herself wandering alone in mother nature's calm--and the new country was so abundant of it, she was dwarfed by the panoramic scenes of mountains high and waters deep, her heart leaped at how incredible the world was. How it incredible it would have been if she had someone to share it with or someone to listen to her swoon about it endlessly. Whenever she thought of that someone, her heart always gravitated to Juliana. It was as if she was a ghost haunting her wherever she went. The only difference was she was not dead. She was pretty much alive-- especially in her thoughts and in her heart. Juliana, to her, was everything that made the world come more alive-- made her feel more alive. But there was no sense to it now. She would have to kill off those joyous memories now if she wished to move on. 

It was always in the littlest of things that Valentina was reminded of Juliana.

A love for the arts was something that she and Juliana had shared. Art. It was the thing she loved the most doing, making. But it always reminded her of her former best friend. Ever since they were young, both of them loved to draw-- Valentina with her paintings of the flowers, the portraits of the people she adored, anything that seemed miniscule but beautiful in her eyes; but Juliana adored drawing buildings, of fast-paced street scenes captured to its stillness within her hands. It was as if Valentina and Juliana drew dichotomies of the way they perceived the world-- Valentina depicted art by nitpicking through the littlest of things, the most mundane; and Juliana, always looking at the bigger picture, the grander things up ahead and beyond. They saw the world differently, but eventual complements of each other.

Because art reminded her of Juliana, the youngest Carvajal did not study art and art history, her first choice in University of Toronto. Instead, she took up International Relations thinking a change of pace was what she needed. After all, it was something that her father and Eva had suggested to her when she was choosing an undergraduate course, back when everything was all right with their family. She had considered it before too if she wanted to be a part of the family company. It would be something distinct from what she was used to so she thought it might as well be worth a try.

Valentina had a fresh start in Canada, a clean slate. She would try to live freely as she could. She had a new place to call home, a new set of friends-- of found family and perhaps a new love, although she did not want to call him such-- Lucho Cortés. Lucho was the son of a business mogul back in Mexico. His family owned mezcal distilleries. However, he grew up in Canada that was why she was not in Valentina's elite circle of acquaintances in her home country. Lucho was the typical bad boy-- dashing good looks, a snobbish charm that inexplicable made heterosexual girls fall head over heels for, and a lifestyle of partying all night, every night. Valentina never had a boyfriend, never really considered having one actually-- but she wanted to fit in the strange new world she found herself in. She unfortunately fell into this circle of people who always dared her to do what she had never. And this same circle of people had probably pressured Valentina into caving into Lucho's half-hearted efforts into wooing her. For Lucho, Valentina was some sort of trophy to brandish, to show off his machismo and his status to everyone. It was never really about love. There was no love to begin with.

There was a time when Lucho gave flowers to Valentina as an apology for something that they fought about. But the seemingly kind gesture only made her more distant to him. Nayeli, one of the girls in her circle, told Lucho that it was probably because Valentina was desensitized to flowers on account of her being the heiress to a floral empire back in Mexico. She surmised that Valentina had too much of it that it drove her nauseous at the sight of flowers. But in truth, Valentina loved flowers. She just did not love the person from whom it came from.

Her new circle of friends were just as horrible as Lucho. She was pressured into going to parties and clubs with them, and the young lady, wanting to try something new caved in. With her new peers, she always had alcohol-filled nights, and she had even tried drugs on a few occasions. But in the end, her risks of trying new things did not pay off. In the end of her sophomore year, she was already failing most of her classes. She was too hungover and exhausted to attended her classes. But whenever she did attend her classes, she was not focused. León found out about this and he was not exactly too pleased. He was furious, more furious than he was when he found out about Eva's sexuality. He demanded Valentina to return to Mexico and just study there so he can keep a good eye on her. He threatened to cut her off financially if she did not come back. Valentina, in her downward spiral, disobeyed her father. She stopped studying university for a semester and finally broke things off with Lucho and their toxic circle of friends.

Valentina celebrated her 20th birthday alone in a foreign country. Guillermo was about to graduate, and Eva was too busy with work. She only received greetings from them in social media. No one gave her presents. No one came to feast with her. No one was there for her. She laid awake that night thinking what was she doing wrong that she could not get herself together. In the brief moments of fake bliss (when she was intoxicated), there was always a nagging feeling that something that was missing. Was this the best she could do? Was this the fresh start she had been wanting all this time? That was the question she always asked herself.

This was indeed a fresh start, but it had not panned out as she planned.

She looked out at the balcony in her apartment, looking up at the night sky that was devoid of any stars. She could not see them against the blanket of a thousand city lights. The night sky, as vast as it was, always reminded her of Juliana.

It was not only in the littlest of things that Valentina was reminded of Juliana, but also in the vastness, grandness of the world both real and imagined that she knew that she broke her own heart and soul a million times over by walking away from the very things that made her alive. If she only had the fight within her that Guillermo believed she had, things would be a lot different.

There was a vast distance separating her from Juliana. And now, the only thing that they shared was a view of the sky. Valentina hoped that Juliana was looking at it too and would remember her-- at least the beautiful memories they had together.

She exhaled out in exasperation. She felt lost. She felt empty. It was always in the littlest of things that made Valentina feel that she had lost the biggest part of herself. She did not just lose Eva. She did not merely lost her father's trust. She did not only lose her best friend, Juliana. Her biggest loss hit her much closer.

She lost herself.

 

* * *

   
For Juliana Valdés, it was only a dream for her to study in the best university in the country. She was the daughter of a farmer who only lived slightly higher than the minimum wage in Mexico-- and that included Lupita’s side hustle on her days off. It would be a miracle if Lupita could afford to pay for her sole daughter’s university education. She herself did not even finish her secondary education. Out of poverty, the other kids that Juliana grew up with in the flower plantation all resigned to take up labor or menial work after graduating high school-- and they were lucky if they even finished it. None of the kids who grew up in the flower plantation ever dreamed of studying in a university because of their poor circumstances-- except for the hardworking, intelligent, and determined Juliana. For most of her schooling, she was granted scholarships which significantly lightened the financial burden for the single mother, Lupita. So when Juliana was accepted to study in her dream school, Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México in the capital, her spirits were so high she felt like she was luckier than someone who had won the lottery. Her efforts for working hard had paid off. However, there was still a tiny problem: it was expensive living in the capital. What Lupita had saved and could save would still not be ample to cover for the rest of it. Upon hearing this, León insisted on providing Juliana a stipend and getting her a laptop computer knowing that she would need to have one for her studies. It was a kind and generous gesture-- something a father would do for their child; something so different from the coldness and sternness that he had been showing his children recently, Juliana thought.

At first, the young lady was half-hearted in accepting the offer and the gift from her former best friend’s father knowing what he had done to Eva and how it ultimately affected her relationship with her best friend (and her love), Valentina. However, Juliana was rational enough to understand that these kinds of opportunities did not present themselves so easily or so often. She was poor and they would not be able to pay for something like that even if they toiled all day and night in the fields for a stretch of time. If she did, she would not have the energy and focus in her schooling. Juliana was smart enough to see that it was not a circumstance that she was swallowing her pride for-- for her, it was merely walking into doors opening up for her. And there was nothing wrong in that. With the immense wealth that Carvajals’ had, the generosity that the patriarch would like to extend would probably seem like pocket change to them. So with León’s help, Juliana would be able to fulfill a dream of hers. She would be an architecture student in the prestigious Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México.

 **23 May 2014  
** **_Ciudad de México, Mexico_ **

Being in the vibrant capital kept Juliana preoccupied. She was focused on her studies if she wanted to retain her scholarship in the succeeding years. On top of that, she had to take part-time jobs to provide for her daily needs. Whether it was intentional or not, it kept her mind off of Valentina and how tragically their friendship (and their love) had to end. Valentina was all her firsts-- first best friend, first crush, first dance, first kiss, first person she made love to.

They were each other's first love and first heartbreak.

It was difficult for her at first being in Mexico City. In spite of her doing her best to maintain high grades and provide for her own necessities, there was always something bugging her in the back of her mind whenever she laid to rest at night. She was homesick for Villa Guerrero for most of the time. But maybe she was homesick for something, someone else.

Valentina.

At the end of her sophomore year, she received an unexpected message in social media from a Lucía Borges. 

> _Hey, Juls! I hope you still remember me, chiqui. I’m going to be in Mexico for a week or so. I’m hoping to catch up with you if your time allows. Let me know when you're free! Looking forward to seeing you <3_

Of course Juliana still remembered her. She was Eva’s gracious and fun-loving girlfriend whom she had a fun time with in Valentina's _quince_. She could still bring to mind how in awe she was of the woman when they first met. She often wondered how she was and how she was like with Eva now. Upon receiving the message and responding to it, she stalked a bit of Lucía's  social media page and found that there were no longer photos of Lucía and Eva together. Her posts were mostly just photos of herself, art galleries, her travels, and some art-related quote. The luxurious Lucía Borges was still a citizen of the world-- that was the only thing for certain. They kept their correspondence with each other until Lucía's arrival. Juliana had agreed to meet Lucía in campus after her last finals exam since the older lady wanted to explore a bit of the artistic campus.

In the late afternoon, Juliana was reading a book under the shade of the tree as she waited for Lucía. The sun was not too hot and there was still a bit of a semblance of cold breeze of spring in the air. When Lucía spotted Juliana, she noticed two boys in front of her. She could hear the boys badgering the young lady to give them her number. Juliana was just ignoring them. She pretended that they were not around but it was obvious that she was uncomfortable with their presence. All of a sudden, the blonde lady kissed Juliana’s cheek and put an arm around her. Juliana was utterly surprised with Lucía’s gesture-- what a great way to say hello indeed, she thought to herself.

“Are these idiots bothering you, _mi duraznito_?” Lucía sat as close as possible to Juliana to sort of imply that she was her girlfriend. The term of endearment certainly made Juliana's cheeks flush. The older lady made an unnoticeable nudge on Juliana's shoulder to signal her to play along with her little ploy. Lucía stared daggers into the two boys.

One of the boys eventually got the hint and stood up. “ _Perdón,_   _se_ _ñorita_. We thought Juliana was single. We'll be on our way now.”

“I guess we’ve been barking up the wrong tree.” They heard one of the boys say as the two  walked away.  

" _¿Mi Duraznito?"_  Juliana turned to Lucía beaming.

"It was a nice touch, wasn't it?" The blonde shot her a wink and laughed. “I’m sorry I had to greet you like that.”

“No, I should thank you actually. Those boys have been following me around just to ask for my number for quite some time now.” Juliana spoke with a tinge of annoyance in her tone.

“I can’t blame them though." The older lady gently pressed Juliana's chin dimple. "You’ve gotten more beautiful from the last time I saw you! _Eres muy guapa!_ ” 

There was always something about the blonde that made people comfortable in her presence, like they had been friends for a long time even when they just met or they have not seen each other for a long time. Certainly, Juliana felt that way towards her ever since they met. Lucía was still the same person she had known-- always seeing the best and the most admirable in people. “I’d say the same thing for you too, Luce!” Juliana gave a cordial hug to her guest.

Juliana gave her guest a quick tour of the campus before the sun had gone down. UNAM had very artistic buildings splayed around the campus. The younger lady's favorite was the library. She explained to Lucía the significance of the edifice. Juliana spoke with passion-- a zeal. The blonde saw her light up as she went on and on and on with giving meaning to a seemingly mundane thing. But it was anything but mundane in the eyes of Juliana. It was a work of art. It was something that spoke to heart. Lucía smiled at that thought. She and Juliana had something significantly in common.

The two ladies headed to a cantina for dinner and drinks near the Frida Kahlo house in Coyoacán thereafter upon Juliana's suggestion. The two young ladies picked up exactly where they left off years back but definitely curious on how their lives had changed in the time they were apart.

“What do you do now?” Juliana asked as she took a sip of her peach-flavored  _agua fresca._ It was her favorite. It made Lucía's fake term of endearment to her very apt.

Lucía smiled to herself knowing she had made her dream come true. She still adored saying it no matter how many times she had been asked. “I curate a fine art gallery in Barcelona.”

"That's impressive! So what brings you to Mexico now? A quick vacation?”

“The gallery group I work in is putting up another location here. Somewhere in La Condesa. I’m tasked to oversee everything before the opening next year.”

Juliana nodded her head in cognition.

“Is Eva here with you?” She pried, knowing beforehand that she was not. It was her way of finding out what had happened to them when she saw that Lucía's social media page was devoid of any hint of Eva in her life.

“No." The blonde's voice was morose. "We broke up a couple of months after her father found out about us. I wanted to win back Eva after I came back from my exchange program from Italy… but seeing how she seemed to have her life back on track without me, how she seemed happy in her life in New York. Being back in her life might ruin things for her. I don’t want that. I want her to be happy.” Lucía bit her lip, forcing a smile but mostly, mourning the loss of a long and hard-fought love they had together. "Remember that time when you asked if Eva and I were 'really friends?'" Lucía gestured with air quotes. "I thought for sure that you knew what was up with us! Eva was beyond scared having anyone from Mexico know that we were together. But what ultimately broke us were our own fears. Does that make sense?"

"It does... it does make sense." Juliana looked away as if she was discussing with herself what that meant with her circumstance with Valentina too. She did understand what the older lady meant even though she did not divulge the whole story. She just knew that things had ended between them-- and the reasons were fairly similar to what happened to her and Valentina. 

“What about you and Valentina? I’m guessing you’re still the best of friends?” Lucía wiggled her eyebrows, as if to imply something. She could still remember the way Juliana looked at Valentina-- it was the way she looked at Eva. She knew the look of love. She was hoping for some good news in their end at least.

Juliana’s demeanor significantly changed. The older lady could feel it. Hearing the name of her once-best friend after two years of not hearing anything from her felt like a dagger punctured through her chest. In a defeated tone, she responded, “Not anymore. Valentina and I... we're...” Juliana struggled to find the words and settled for something simple, something that hurt less when she said it, "we're not in each other's lives anymore."

“What do you mean?” Lucía was shocked. “I don’t get it? Eva told me before that you two were inseparable. How could that happen?”

“Well… how do I say this?” Juliana pondered on a way to tell her that she and Val were not really together, but they had deep feelings for each other. “I liked her. She liked me. But she was scared that what happened to Eva would happen to her too so she cut off ties with me. And that was it. She was gone in my life.” Juliana feigned a smile. Lucía was the first person she ever told that information to. Her mother did not know, neither did any of her close friends in university.

It took Lucía a moment to grasp what had happened between the two of them. Her intuition was right all that time-- Juliana and Valentina had something special going on between them. But she was saddened to hear that their great friendship had to take the fall for it. She decided to make fun of the moment with some cynicism.

“Well... to being fucked over by the Carvajal women!” Lucía jokingly clinked her glass of mezcal with Juliana’s _agua_ _fresca._

Lucía wanted to pry about what had happened to Juliana and Valentina-- how they knew, how they confessed, how things had ended-- but the younger lady’s demeanor and lack of enthusiasm upon saying Valentina's name seemed as if she did not want to disclose any more information. Her words were given sparsely.

In Juliana’s mind, she thought she was ok now. But the second that her once-love’s name was uttered, the memories came back flooding again. The pain was present again. She was put on the spot with the feelings she desperately wanted to run away from.

“So you’re into women?” The blonde attempted to digress.

Juliana took another quick swig from her beverage to shake off the nerves from Lucía's questioning and was quickly replaced with pride in embracing who she truly was. “I am." The younger lady beamed. "I came out to my mom two years ago. She took so so so much better than Eva and Valentina's father did.”

“Would you look at that! I am so proud of you, _chiqui!_ ” The older lady shot her a wink. 

“To loving women!” Lucía raised her glass for another toast, but now in a more gleeful thought.

“I would absolutely drink to that!” Juliana clinked her drink with Lucía’s and smiled. 

 

* * *

 

 It was ten in the evening when they were still at the cantina catching up on their lives and their passions. The two seemed liked they have been friends forever when in fact, they had only met during Valentina's  _quince_ and spent a brief afternoon together with the Carvajal girls in Chapultepec Park. They mostly bonded with art. 

Lucía had drunk more than half of the bottle of mezcal all by herself since Juliana did not drink alcohol. When a mariachi band came over to their table, Lucía requested a song about heartbreak. The band began with a song called _Historia de un Amor._ Even when the blonde lady did not quite know the lyrics, she sang her heart out complete with dramatic hand gestures, singing the wrong words and inserting Eva’s name because she was too drunk to have any inhibitions. Clearly, Lucía was not yet over with Eva-- it just needed a little push, a few drinks for her to say the truth. Juliana was hiding her face behind her hands-- not because she was embarrassed about her companion, but she found it hilarious that the elegant, prim and proper Lucía Borges, transformed to another person under the influence of alcohol. The song was quite depressing, but Juliana was stifling her fits of giggles at the sight of the blonde. Lucía was in tears while incorrectly singing the lyrics of the songs.

Before Lucía could pour herself another glass of mezcal, Juliana took the bottle off her hands and closed it back with a cap. “I think you’ve had too much for the night.”

The blonde lady pouted, still attempting to grab the half empty bottle of alcohol from the Juliana. Moments later, Lucía was throwing up in the ladies’ room, promising herself that she would never ever drink again. It was a lie. Juliana was holding the older lady's hair up while rubbing her back. Juliana took care of her crazy guest.

Juliana called for their tab and Lucía paid for everything. Before they left, the drunk lady requested another song from the mariachi band. She was dancing, shaking her hips happily now. Juliana had to drag her out of the cantina before she could order another drink.

“Can we walk for a bit? I don’t want to be alone yet.” The blonde lamented when Juliana suggested that they share a cab to get back home.

The two ladies took a stroll in a small nearby park. Juliana sat Lucía on a bench and made her drink a bottle of water so she would not have an unbearable hangover the next day. When the blonde sobered up, she kept apologizing to Juliana for being a rude guest. They sat together in silence, letting the sounds of the city whirl around them.

“Do you still think of Val?” Lucía asked out of the blue.

Juliana gazed back at the blonde who was looking at her intently, waiting for an answer. There was no use lying about it so she said the truth. “All the time.”

They were once again enveloped in stillness. Lucía knew she asked a question that had an obvious answer, but she wanted a way in to know what had happened to the two younger ladies.

"I mean... how can you forget someone you've given your whole heart to?"

Lucía fell silent. She herself did not know the answers to it. If she had, she would not have had embarrassed herself like this to Juliana-- indulging herself in alcohol as if a moment of numbness would make her forget about it. She had not. Eva was still on her mind even if she denied it in her moments of sobriety.

“When I get too sad of thinking about her,” Juliana’s voice quivered, “I tell myself that she loved me once and I loved her just as much. And perhaps, that would be enough.” She tried to muster up a smile. “That would be enough": Juliana toyed with her fingers as she usually did when she was anxious. She was convincing herself that she was ok-- forcing herself to be fine. The older lady laid her hand upon Juliana’s, a silent gesture to calm her down. The younger lady exhaled deeply as she turned to meet Lucia’s emerald eyes as she said, “Sometimes I feel so stupid for ever thinking Val could ever fight for someone like me or maybe love someone like me back.”

_Someone like me._

The words echoed inside Lucía’s head. Perhaps she thought that Juliana meant she was not deserving of love; or perhaps the word "love" was clouded with so much doubt; or perhaps the way she perceived her relationship with Valentina was not love because it did not work out or pan out as she had hoped. “Juls, don’t be too hard on yourself. All of us deserve to be loved. Especially someone who is unafraid to give their whole heart to their love, who's willing to fight for it-- _someone like you_.”

Lucía's attempt to get to Juliana probably fell short. The younger lady was just staring into the pavement blankly, ruminating on deeper thoughts.

The older lady tried once more, “Val had every perfect reason why she loved you, but perhaps she did not have the perfect reason why she did not know how she could love you. Just because it failed does not mean it wasn't love. It hurts this much because what you felt was real, was true. Juls, it was love.”

Juliana breathed in and she knew Lucía's words were true. It had every bit line and shadow of wisdom in the way she spoke those words. Maybe the words were just as much for herself than it was for the younger lady. Juliana looked up at the dark, midnight sky, holding herself back from letting the tears welling up in her eyes fall from the truth that was laid before her. These were the skies she and Valentina once shared, and now she wondered if these skies would ever remind Valentina of her just like how she does for her.

Maybe not. Not anymore.

In the city, the stars up in the night sky seemed so distant, so far off as compared when she was in Villa Guerrero. Lucía noticed Juliana gazing up at the skies, like she was thinking of something very deeply, like she opened a hatch of memories that she seemed to have kept locked up for a long time. She let her linger in the moment, in her own mind until she was ready to open up. And she did.

“But most of the time,” Juliana began once more but paused immediately, feeling the warmth of her tears finally rushing down her cheeks as she found the words itching to get out from the roof of her mouth,  like a cough she could not get rid off in the back of her throat. “I feel angry... but even more sad that the rest of how I feel, I’ve ever felt and will ever feel for Valentina... She will never know.”

Juliana bowed her head and bawled her eyes. Lucía enveloped Juliana in her arms and pressed her lips on the younger ladies forehead, knowing the kind of hurt that lasts from one’s first love, much more for a best friend. She knew this kind of pain, the pain of losing a love that may have had forever linked to it. The younger lady finally let out the words she had not spoken to anyone. Juliana let her tears fall, sobbing uncontrollably while Lucía rubbed her back and held her in her arms like a child. She let herself be comforted by someone and she felt a great weight off of her shoulders was lifted. Finally someone knew what she felt. What has been breaking her little by little all her days ever since she and Valentina drifted apart. Lucía did not speak. She understood that it was not wisdom that Juliana needed, but someone who would listen to her.

 

* * *

 

The two ladies were exhausted for the night so Juliana brought Lucía back to her rented room because it was closer than the hotel she was checked in in Polanco. Juliana was renting out a stuffy room from a local family near the UNAM campus. It was what she can only afford with the little she makes waiting on tables in a restaurant and taking shifts in an independent bookstore. Her mother still sent her stipends every month just in case she came up short from her part-time jobs. Although the money she received was not much, it was of great help to Juliana. She had a bed a size slightly smaller than a twin-sized bed. Her clothes were neatly folded and hung on a cabinet without any doors. She had a small desk at the foot of her bed where her books and art materials were all arranged in a tidy manner. It was only then that Lucía finally understood why Juliana had uttered the words in the park the way she did.

_Someone like me._

Juliana was not like them.

She was not like the Carvajals or the Borges. She was not from an affluent family. Whatever she wanted and needed, she had to work hard for.

“Please make yourself comfortable,” the younger lady obliged while preparing clothes for Lucía to sleep in.

She sat down on the edge of Juliana’s bed and flipped through Juliana’s sketch book. She had watercolor paintings and sketches of the buildings in her university’s campus-- most prominent was the library. Aside from the building designs of her own, she had drawings of  random places and scenes of Mexico City. There were also portraits of people. None of whom was Valentina. I

“These are really really good by the way.” The woman remarked.

“ _Gracias._ ” Juliana pointed to a page that the blonde was scrutinizing. “I tried recreating a blueprint of the new Museo Soumaya with this one.”

Juliana sat beside her guest. “I’ve lived in the countryside for most of my life. Probably the most beautiful building in all of Villa Guerrero was the Carvajal's mansion. That’s how I met Valentina. I was just a child who thought their house was a palace-- which it really is. I was just a curious child who wanted to see the opulent edifice closely but I didn't know I would meet someone who would change my life completely." She still remembered it like it was yesterday. It was a memory that was so vivid in Juliana's mind. "So when I came here in the city, I was like a child in a candy store seeing all of these huge buildings and skyscrapers in forms and structures that I never thought were possible.”

Lucía smiled at the thought of Juliana opening up to her, letting her into the world that she probably kept hidden from most people. She listened more attentively now.

“You know I’m not wealthy. My _mamá_ is a farmer at the Carvajals’ plantation. To be able to study in UNAM is more than a dream come true for me. I never thought I could even study uni. But being here, although it’s difficult... It makes me feel like I can do anything I set my heart on. So that,” Juliana pointed at her blueprint and sketch of Museo Soumaya, “I hope to build something like that in the future. A tiny home, a mansion, a building, a skyscraper-- or anything at all.”

“You’re already here. Reach for the skies, _mi amiga.”_ The blonde laughed at her own pun.

“Get dressed while I get you a glass of water downstairs.” Juliana handed her the change of clothes and went out of the room.

Lucía still had a smile plastered on her face. She quite forgot how it was to have a good friend. When she came back to Europe after finishing her graduate degree, she immersed herself to work so she can forget about Eva-- never having had enough time to have a social life. When she went on vacations, she went by herself. The way Juliana had taken care of her that night, although they had only met each other years before in Valentina’s _quince_ made her feel like she found a genuine friend. She had a good feeling about Juliana. It would be great that she had someone to hang out with now that she would be dividing her time in Barcelona and Mexico.

“Juls,” Lucía called for her attention when the younger lady was back in the bedroom. This was something she had in mind when the younger lady was out of the room. She was inspired with Juliana's stories about chasing her dream, and she just wanted to say it now. She thought it would be a much needed boost for her. “When you’ve graduated, I know a couple of architectural design studios in Europe who would love to have you in their team.”  

“In Europe?” Juliana’s eyes grew wide, surprised that Lucía would suggest such a thing.

“Yeah, in Europe. You have an incredible portfolio and you’re just in your sophomore year. How much more when you’ve already had an immersion in your senior year?” There was no hint of deception in the blonde's face. Her words were genuine.

The younger girl sheepishly smiled and blushed at the praises that an art curator was giving her. Never in her life had she thought of seeing a different country, much less living in a different continent. It reminded her of the conversation that she and Valentina had when they were kids-- of how big the world was. Certainly now, she had a better understanding of it.

“I’ll give them a good word for you.” 

“Thanks, Luce. I’ll remember to take you up on that offer.”

“And besides, I’ll be here in Mexico very often from now on. I’ll be hounding you to say yes even if you declined now.” Lucía ascertained.

Juliana had never been out of the country. Being out of Villa Guerrero and moving to Mexico City had excited her immensely-- but with Lucía's proposition, Juliana felt beyond jubilant, full of hope that there definitely was something great waiting for her at the end of her hardships. She had a feeling that this was the beginning of something really really good. Her dreams were within her reach now even though the odds had been stacked against her before. She felt a fire burning within her and she had every bit of her being wishing it would not be extinguished. She undeniably had her place in this earth.

She had found her truest self. She found her heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick character study:  
> Juliana x Lucia was the BroTP that I've been teasing on. Although they did not have a lot of interaction in the shows canon, I thought that she and Lucia would be great friends. Why is that? Lucia is very caring and introspective of others' feelings while Juliana tends to be more closed off with hers. Lucia's empathy for other's suffering and the depth of Juliana's understanding of suffering makes them perceive the world quite similarly but their differences certainly complement each other very well. Lucia's tenderness can thaw the hardness in Juliana. She needs a friend who understands her without her having to explicitly say what she feels all the time-- who feels for her. And this works in favor of Lucia because she is very patient especially with someone like Juliana who always has her guard up-- like guys, in AAM canon, I don't know how Lucia had the patience and the grace not strangle Eva to death with her constant heckling, ostracism, and villainous threats. The woman has a heart of gold yo. And the great patience that Lucia has is ultimately rewarded with Juliana's loyalty. And guys, Juliana is extremely loyal and you could see it in the way she stands up to her own mother because she fights for her love for Valentina. 
> 
> It's a good reciprocal friendship if I do say for myself. Lucia = extremely patient ; Juliana = extremely loyal.
> 
> I've considered the Juliana x Eva BroTP (as some of you had guessed) but the prologue wouldn't make much sense if I changed my original plan. And besides, Juliana and Eva both have such strong personalities. Neither of this two would cave in for the other. 
> 
> The title is a binary of Juliantina for this chapter: Valentina = Lost; Juliana = Found.
> 
> I forgot to say that I left clues on the Social Media AU I made on tumblr. So y'all can start snooping again on that post haha
> 
> Also, thanks for being patient with the updates! This is the busiest month I've had so far. I'm exhausted. Send me hugs please. T.T

**Author's Note:**

> I made a playlist for the fic. I'll be adding songs on it as I go along writing this. Follow if you wish! :)  
> https://open.spotify.com/user/12140903294/playlist/0zUKl9CxilQOd9GpyCVnoR?si=YNDzYGXcTX64Jg87xlcIMQ
> 
> I also made a fake movie poster for the fic. Check it out:  
> http://sapphichaux.tumblr.com/post/182522433431/to-the-ends-of-the-earth-juliantina-childhood
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [When We Can](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18154832) by [xychedelics](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xychedelics/pseuds/xychedelics)




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